There’s a stage in life where falling for the bad boy is not acceptable anymore. In fact, it’s embarrassing to even admit you’re in love with such a person. But it seems I haven’t grown out of that yet. I’m 30 years old and I still fall for the bad boy.
One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to get into a stable relationship that would hopefully lead to a life-long partnership. I specifically want a partnership and not marriage because I don’t believe in marriage. Being 30 years old, it is difficult to meet a guy who shares similar thoughts on marriage and is the same age as I am. Most people who are in their thirties are actively looking for wives or husbands. I, on the other hand, am running away from the idea of marriage. This is probably the reason why at my age I’m still attracting the bad boy.
When I met Frank I made sure that he knew exactly what I was looking for. We seemed to be on the same page since he also didn’t want to get married – at least not yet. For some reason, I thought that was a good thing. We had an instant connection and started dating shortly after we met. I had a feeling this one would work but in hindsight, it was probably the Christmas mood that blinded me. There’s something magical about meeting someone during the holiday season. However, this distracted me from his toxic behaviour.
We had a pretty intense relationship. Barely a week after we started dating, he would show up at my house spend the whole day there then leave and wouldn’t call until the next day. This would cause fights between us. However, when things were good, they were really good. He would spoil me with shopping trips, random dates, gifts and compliments. My friends warned me that he was bad for me and that kind of relationship would end in premium tears.
“Babe, this guy is a bad boy. Don’t let the gifts fool you. He’ll hurt you.” One of them said.
“No, he’s different.”
Frank may have had a few unhealthy habits but to me, he was the furthest thing from a bad boy. I knew because I had dated bad boys for most of my adult life. The guys I dated didn’t shower me with gifts or compliments. They were rude, and disrespectful and could care less about me. Frank cared – or so I thought. His overly affectionate behaviour made me think that I had met someone who wasn’t the typical bad boy I tended to date.
This was refreshing for me since I was looking for someone to settle down with and Frank seemed perfect. He had the qualities I was looking for and he was fun. Nonetheless, I spent most of December going through a roller coaster of emotions that came with dating him. If I didn’t reply to his texts, he would flood my phone with offensive messages calling me all kinds of names. He also insisted that I FaceTime him after every hour. Sometimes, he’d call me three times within an hour.
It became so overwhelming that I couldn’t focus on my work. I started slacking and missing a couple of days. However, this wasn’t a problem since Frank would send me money almost every day. I wasn’t really worried if I lost my job.
Before I realized it, he had moved into my place. While we stayed together, he would go to hang out with his friends and drink with girls but I wasn’t allowed to go out unless he was with me.
“Where are you?” he called to ask.
“In the house.”
“Let me FaceTime you.”
“You really don’t have to.” I tried to convince him because I wasn’t in the house. I had gone to the salon to do my hair and I knew he’d lose his mind.
I tried to stall until I was back home then I picked up his video call. He had called me almost 30 times before that. This was when I realized that Frank was actually a bad boy with some very toxic behaviours. He may not have been the same as the typical bad boy but he was disrespectful to me and wouldn’t apologize. He would make calls to other women, and flirt with them in my presence. However, he always justified his actions by always reminding me that he never cheats on me, unlike my exes. This somehow convinced me that he was a better choice and that he wasn’t a bad boy.
After that day, I realized that I had to leave the relationship before things took a turn for the worst. I felt bad to admit to myself that I was dating a bad boy at my grown age. Honestly, I wanted to stay with him just to avoid embarrassment. I had already told my family about him and we were even planning on going to visit my mother. Now I had to explain that we had broken up.
Everyone was supportive. It seemed like even my family knew that Frank was bad news. It took their intervention to leave but I finally managed to get away from him. I had to relocate from my house because I knew he’d continue stalking me if I didn’t.
I have been single since New Year and I’m in no rush to get into another relationship. I’ll be 31 years old this year which means I can’t afford to make the mistake of dating another bad boy. I’m just happy that Frank showed his true colours early and I was able to leave the relationship before I was in too deep. I’m currently working on nurturing a relationship with myself so I won’t fall for a bad boy again. It’s tempting but it’s about time I grew out of that phase. It’s no longer cute or cool, just plain sad.
More stories in The Singlehood Series:
When Your Charming Boyfriend Turns Out To Be A Thug
My Tinder Date Threatened To Kill Me When We Met
My Date Thought It Was Romantic To Offer Me Drugs
He Sent Me The Wrong Text While We Were On A Date
How A Bad Relationship Messed Up Her Life
