We’ve heard of prenuptial agreements, which couples sign to protect their assets. However, did you know that baby prenups exist?
Inspired by a prenuptial agreement, a baby prenup is also an agreement made prior to a baby’s birth. It doesn’t require legal guidance or monies. On the contrary, it is tailored by the parents of the unborn child, as a way to break down baby chores, communication and take care of the predictable elements that surround the birth of a baby.
A baby prenup captures parental duties and chores, but unlike a legal document, it leaves the freedom for both mother and father of the child to make adjustments. In essence, it is meant to help parents divide tasks and share responsibilities like who’s changing the diapers or who is waking up to cradle the baby back to sleep.
The goal is to affirm the well being of a child, lessen the occurrence of conflicts due to stress, a mother gets moments of rest and the initial adjustment following the baby’s arrival becomes a bit easier. Here’s a guide to surviving the first few months with a newborn baby.
Aside from roles shared post-partum a baby prenup can also be used even after the baby leaves infancy to include childcare drop-offs and financial contributions.
After the concept was shared on social media many didn’t seem pleased. In fact, some of the strong reactions evoked by the topic revolved around culture, marriage, parenting and gender roles.
I’ve prepared and contested prenups, custodial agreements, terms of settlement in family matters and related agreements, and this is what I’ve learnt: If you feel the need to regulate every inch of your marriage or relationship with agreements in this fashion, better stay single.
— Temitayo O. Esq (@Tbabz__) August 13, 2019
If everything is contractual, then why get married? What in this case was d sentiment behind being together that led you 2 to get married? I think we should be careful in adopting tots n opinions that we hear from people we meet n interact with, lest we bring hurt upon ourselves
— Kelveka (@kelveka) August 12, 2019
The problem though seems to reside on the fact that you get your partner to sign the agreement as many highlight in the responses.
It's brainwashing I'm telling you. I never want to get into any marriage that feels like a business or contract.
— HRH Oba Àrà of (@WLObaAbiodun) August 12, 2019
Lest we forget in the literal sense;
Marriage is a contract though, the idea of marriage is a contract between two people and by extension, their families.
— Ezeada (@Chynanu) August 12, 2019
It has always been like that!
There had always been an exchange going on! You are just waking up to the reality of the word "marriage".— sylvia3 (@Kaosygal) August 13, 2019
The idea of baby prenups didn’t seem any different than an organizational board/duty roster shared among siblings. Those who saw the importance of a baby prenup shared a chain of positive responses and here are some;
This sounds amazing. New parents woild cut each other's stress by half if they pitched in like this.
— E K E T I (@eketiette) August 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/glory_osei/status/1160938690442661889
No kids but already i can handle changing diapers perfectly no matter the mess in there, feeding, standing for hrs in the middle of the nights to knowing when they’re growing teeths.. cooking name it.
I know i got us covered but i want to know you’ll also b there 4 us. So sign ✍🏿— Six secs and i (@KayKris5) August 13, 2019
https://twitter.com/glory_osei/status/1160938692552417288
It goes without saying that sharing is caring, but in order for a baby prenup to work, there needs to be a good flow of communication between partners. The setting should also allow open-mindedness and a sense of accountability with both parents gearing towards a common goal. That is, giving each other support (regardless of the document) to avoid burnout, strain, stress which could bring more hurdles in a relationship.
Nonetheless, just as a coin comes with two sides this reward cannot be without a punishment aspect.
If you’ve shared duties with siblings, you probably know that there are defaulters. More to this includes the disagreements on who’s supposed to do what, especially when unexpected issues arise. That said, how are the grey areas captured in a baby prenup and wouldn’t that bear conflicts between parents?
Hmm…this table u are shaking…. was standing very well before o
— Benedict (@NigeriaKops) August 12, 2019
It was standing on our mothers' necks
— 🌻 2/14 The Beat 🌻 (@___I_am_Woman__) August 12, 2019
What happens when a parent breaches the agreement out of sheer negligence or makes petty excuses each time they do? What if they don’t meet their share of duties or do not follow through with their part? Apart from helping a couple lessen the occurrence of conflicts caused by misaligned expectations, wouldn’t a baby prenup also highlight faults within a couple in terms of accountability, broken promises causing even deeper conflicts? As you guessed by now this discussion also brought out some of these confusing aspects which were clearly highlighted in the responses.
How do you enforce when one party breaches? Sue your spouse for specific performance? Damages? Co-breach at the expense of the child? File for dissolution? Hate to say it but this may only be practical on paper. And Twitter of course.
— Temitayo O. Esq (@Tbabz__) August 13, 2019
Men will come for you , this is a delicate topic for them.
— Ene……….. (@oyi24) August 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/kkmwamburi/status/1160970779674238976
That said, we remember that as humans, usually when we plan, we do so to avoid failure. Even though life doesn’t come with a textbook, some theories, like in pre-nuptials – which inspires a baby prenup – have proven to work. Nonetheless, this doesn’t refute the question, whether a baby prenup would work in an African home.
Considering the culture, social conditioning and the preconceived notions Africans have about gender roles, especially house chores, is a baby prenup a blessing in disguise or a ticking time bomb waiting to explode?
What are your thoughts?
