Hi. My name is Snookie. I know, my mum named me after a reality show personality because she thought it was funny. She also rescued me from the side of the road when I was a kitten and we’ve been soulmates ever since.
Finally. She’s up. I thought she’d never wake up. I’ve been pacing around this house for hours. Why does she always oversleep and what is that box thing she always has in her hand every time she wakes up? I’m hungry, human. Maybe feed me then you can go back to your life. I doubt she understands me. Maybe I should jump on the bed to get her attention.
“Hiiii Snookie” she says.
Oh God, I hate that name. I mean, “Meeoow”
“Are you hungry?” she asks rubbing my fur. Her hands feel nice and soft. That distracts me for a few minutes.
Yes, I’m hungry, human. I haven’t eaten in 10 hours. I stare at her waiting for her to get up but she goes back to looking at the box.
“Meeeeoooow.”
“Okay. I’m up.”
It’s not like you took an extra thirty minutes to get out of bed but good for you. Now, can I have my food? I follow her as she walks on her two paws. Maybe I should try it. No, I’ll look stupid.
“Morning.” My human says to her roommate.
“Morning.” Her roommate who has a new boyfriend replies before passing her a cup to put their black water.
It took me a while but I finally understood the human’s language. Except when she speaks to her brother. Then she speaks a strange language and laughs a lot. He must be a comedian like that guy she loves to watch. What’s his name again? Ah, yes, Trevor Noah.
They chat as I munch on my wet food. Mmmh… I love wet food and I love that my human spoils me. Occasionally, I visit my friend down the building and he tells me he barely eats. I bring him to my house to get something to eat.
The roommate leaves and I finally have my human’s attention all to myself. But she goes straight to her room and locks it. I hear fast, light tapping. I wonder what that could be that is so important she keeps me outside. She does this almost every day. Anyway, it’s time to sleep.
I wake up to the scent of an angel. She smells so good and she looks like a goddess in that dress. I hope this one appreciates how much time she spent in the water place. And she’s wearing her favourite shoes. He must be a lucky guy. I just hope they won’t come back in the middle of the night, stumbling and falling on my toys.
She calls for a driver to take her to the hotel and tells him to hurry because she was running late. She is worth the wait. Soon, the tables turn and I’m the one waiting for her to get home with some leftovers, I hope. Hotel food is so much better than any food these girls cook. Sorry.
After an eternity of waiting, she comes back. I smell food and a gloomy vibe. I’ll try to comfort her but first, I need food.
“Meeooow.”
She pours me a bowl of milk and put some of that hotel food on my plate without even touching me. Did I do something wrong? I didn’t scratch the furniture or break her make-up. It can’t be something I did. I should rub on her leg just in case.
I get no response. It must be something I did.
“Hi. Where are you?” She speaks into the box then paused. This is so strange. Who is she talking to?
“Nothing. I just came home early and thought you’ll be around.”
“Okay. I’ll wait for you. Bye.” She put down the box then went to the kitchen and I could only guess what she was going to get. Ice-cream. Things must be really bad.
I play with her, trying to distract her but it’s obvious she’s caught up in her feelings. She switches to romantic comedies. I don’t get her obsession with these movies. All they do is make her feel sadder than she was. I can’t stand this any longer. Maybe I should break something or I’ll end up as messed up as she is.
I sneakily jump off the couch and head to the bedroom. She loves her bedroom which she spent days redecorating some time back. What can I break in here that will get her attention? How about that bedside lamp? She just got it and it looks perfect. In addition, she uses it a lot to read at night and it takes my time with her.
It crashes just as planned and she screams from the other room.
“Snookie!!” she’s really mad so I hide under the bed as she cleans the mess. I guess that didn’t go as planned. Maybe I should just stay out of it and let the other human handle it.
She comes home and then talks about their night. I knew things went bad. Apparently, the man didn’t look like his pictures and he kept calling her “babes”. I know how my human is with boundaries so this was definitely going to make her mad. It gets worse, though. The man tried to stick his tongue in my human’s mouth on the first day they met. What sort of sick things are these humans into? I mean, even my boyfriends come around a few times before they can kiss me and I’m a cat.
Nonetheless, she had me and her other human friend. And no man wanted to mess with us. I could easily track this jerk if I wanted to and do serious damage to his already-beat face. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Maybe I should do that on Monday. Who am I kidding? I’ll be right here waiting for my human to get home and feed me.
Speaking of cats, Single Lady In Nairobi: When Her Cats Met Sam And Her Night Didn’t Go As Planned
The Singlehood Series: My Ex Asked Me To Get Rid Of My Dog Because He Hated Pets
Featured image from stuffpoint.com
