People around me are saying I am an AH but I need the perspective of uninvolved people.
My long term gf has my apartment keys, as I have hers. Only unspoken until now but always respected rule was, if you need to go to the other place, just send a text “Hey going to your place”. Doesn’t matter if the other is at home or even responds. Just simply to tell the other you will be at their place.

I was supposed to be away 700km from home for 2 weeks for work related stuff, but 4 days in and our instructor got into an accident. Work tried to find another one, but no such luck on very short notice. They decided at like 10pm to get us the 1st flight home the next day at like 6am, pay us the overtime and the next day at home, then resume our normal work schedule.
So I get home the next day at like 9am, sent a text to my gf to tell her I am back.
Getting to my door, I am very confused hearing children screaming inside since none of the people who have my keys have low kids like that (my brother and my gf). I thought I got squatters or something. Opening the door and I see my gf’s sister’s kid running around after a shower, putting water everywhere. Plates of half finished ravioli on my living room ground. Their suitcases opened in the entrance.

I get inside and see the husband on my couch trying to hook up my PS2(that he must have digged out in my storage room). Getting into a verbal argument with him trying to understand why the fuck they are here. Said my gf told them they could get my flat for 2 weeks while I was gone (they wanted to visit the city for a bit, go to the beach). My gf sent me a text while i was arguing, telling me “oh ok, btw my sis fam’ is at your flat”.

I admit I blew up on him and the sis who left my bedroom in the meantime. Told them to leave immediately. They argued quite a bit, my gf called her sis, then sis put up the speaker so we could all hear, and she said I was embarrassing her, that she told them they could use my place for a while.

I threatened to call the police, also asked my brothers to come.
They left while cursing me to their children, telling that holidays are over because the mean little sister’s boyfriend cast us out.
I have now all of my gf family on my back, and even some of my own family, saying i could have stayed with at my gf so the kids could have some vacations…

Also. They have read my doctor prescription papers(I put them in a specific order, and it was not the same), and obviously took some of my prescribed meds (opened a box of benzodiazepine…).

AITAH for making them leave? We pretty much stopped talking about anything else with my gf. I feel like i am being gaslighted. I would never invite people to her apartment like that, especially without telling her. It seems so disrespectful.
Am I going insane?

The post had Reddit users questioning everything they thought they knew about relationship boundaries, and honestly, it’s about time.

Reddit’s Verdict: This Crosses Every Line

The responses were swift and brutal. Thousands of commenters saw this for what it was: a massive violation disguised as family hospitality.

CaptainLollygag: It’s a whole family on vacation, right. So this wasn’t a whim, it was planned out ahead of time. OP and GF knew of this work trip, GF related this to her sister’s family, that’s the only way this could be coordinated to have worked out at the same time OP would be away for work. GF was in on the plan this whole time and hid it from OP. This is so wildly wrong that the trust he had in her will never come back, nor should it.

Katalexist: TBH, I feel like you are under reacting.

I think more people than not would have broke up with someone who decides they can Air BnB your apartment, without letting you know, when they catch wind that you are going to be gone for a while. This is not accidental. She did not forget to bring this to your attention, hence the text “btw my sis fam is at your flat.” She didn’t want to ask your permission because if she asked there is a chance of “no” being the answer. This is blatantly disrespectful and her then trying to force herself into the victim role by claiming you were embarrassing her is insanity because it would be much more embarrassing to arrive home, when you live alone, to a bunch of people in your house that you are not expecting to be there. & embarrassing to have to argue with them because she didn’t tell you SHIT until she got caught.

“GF said we could stay here”

“GF?? Who dat?? I don’t know her, get out”

 

The internet collectively gasped at the audacity. This wasn’t an emergency or miscommunication, this was calculated deception.

The Double Standard That Says Everything

Here’s where it gets telling. The girlfriend had her own apartment but chose to sacrifice his instead.

cthulularoo: The proper way to do it was GF stay at your flat and let them move into hers. That way, she takes the brunt of the invasion of privacy and damage. But definitely, she kept it from you and planned their trip to coincide with yours. This was intentional and you’re NTA. She and her family owe you a huge apology before you get over this. Do not let them walk all over you. This is the hill to die on.

Throwawaylife1984: Because she knew they’d make a mess and poke thru her stuff

HowDoIDoThisDaily: “Yeah why didn’t she let them stay at her place and she goes and stay at OP’s after telling him the plan? Makes no sense.”

The Pattern of Disrespect

DetroitSmash-8701: NTA. And even if you were a TA, clearly you had to be one in that situation. Being nice and accommodating isn’t it because that led to the gross disrespect you received. GF’s sister and children needed to be out of your flat, but GF needs to be out of your life.

When Gaslighting Becomes the Family Sport

The family’s reaction when confronted was textbook toxic behaviour. Instead of apologising, they made him the problem for being upset about finding strangers in his home.

HUNGWHITEBOI25: You feel like you’re being gaslighted because you ARE…

SatelliteBeach123: NTA. If the people around you saying you’re the AH then you need different people. Who does this? Your GF was wildly out of line in just giving YOUR apartment over to her family. Hard NO and hill to die on.

This is classic manipulation 101: when you get caught crossing boundaries, make the other person feel crazy for having boundaries in the first place.

The Airbnb Mentality in Relationships

Recent_Data_305: Wow. You have one entitled gf! She loaned out your home like an AirBNB. I wonder if she has been doing this every time you’re out of town.

You do realize there are other women in the world? You could find one who respects you and your property.

This comment hit different because it exposed something many of us recognise but rarely name: how romantic partners sometimes treat each other’s belongings like communal property. Your car, your Netflix password, your apartment, suddenly everything becomes “ours” without the conversation.

The Criminal Plot Twist Nobody Saw Coming

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, users discovered the family had gone through prescription medications and stolen controlled substances.

Evening_Dress7062: Breaking in here (apologies) to encourage OP to report your stolen benzos. I’m a retired psych nurse. If I had a dime for every patient that came back days after being discharged with a month supply of benzos (Ativan, Xanax, Librium, etc) saying they were stolen and demanding more, I’d be rich.

Trust me. Without a police report, you’re likely going to be SOL until it’s time for a refill. Saying meds were stolen automatically makes providers think you’re abusing them whether you are or not.

I_Want_To_Grow_420: And call the police for stealing prescription medication. I feel like a lot of people skipped this part.

“Also. They have read my doctor prescription papers(I put them in a specific order, and it was not the same), and obviously took some of my prescribed meds (opened a box of benzodiazepine…). ”

IvanNemoy: “Stealing benzos is a felony at both the federal and state level… that’s up to 5 years and $250,000 in a federal facility.”

We went from relationship drama to actual felony charges real quick. Yet somehow this man was still being told he was overreacting.

The Breakup Chorus Gets Louder

Reddit users were unanimous: this relationship was dead on arrival.

Perimentalpause: I’d break up over this. “It’s not bad enough that they were in my home without MY permission or knowledge, but they went through my things. They took out stuff in storage. They went through my medication. What part of that has to do with your fucking vacation? That’s medical theft, genius. I can call the police over that. Who does that? Who just treats their so’s place like it’s a fucking AirBNB? No head’s up. No warning. No request. And y’all are mad at me that I came home to my place being treated like trash? Nope. We’re done. I no longer trust you, because you legitimately think this is okay.”

KronkLaSworda: NTA

Also, you should no longer have a girlfriend. Block all of her family from your phone, email, and social medias. Send her sister a cleaning bill.

Well-Done22: “You made the right choice. Now you dump the lying liar girlfriend who lies.”

The consensus was clear: some violations are relationship killers, and this was definitely one of them.

The Loyalty Test She Failed

Logical_Force3821: NTA – Change the locks on your doors NOW! Do NOT give keys to your girlfriend – she doesn’t really have a reason to have access without you there.

She crossed way, way over any reasonable boundary of trust. Yes, she is completely disrespectful and sure is generous with your property. It’s your choice how your house is used. And after that – yes, she is gaslighting you.

Personally, I would block everyone in her family and yours that is criticizing you and go extremely low contact with your girl friend for a little while until you can regroup, figure out what this behavior says about your girlfirend and a future life with her, and decide on your next steps. Frankly – I think she’s clearly demonstrated that she’ll put her family’s interests above yours – even to your detriment, and she thinks her behavior is completely normal. Do you want a future life like that? I wouldn’t

In healthy relationships, partners protect each other first. They help family, but not by throwing their partner under the bus.

The Security Advice That Hit Different

Perhaps the most practical response.

DeviceMotor3938: “Change the locks.”

Because when someone proves they’ll abuse access to your private space, words aren’t enough anymore. Actions require consequences.

This Reddit post exploded because it touched on something we all recognise but rarely discuss: the moment when romantic intimacy gets confused with ownership. Just because you’re close to someone doesn’t mean they get unlimited access to your life, space, or stuff.

The internet’s reaction revealed something important: people are tired of seeing boundaries trampled in the name of love. Sharing your life with someone doesn’t mean surrendering control over it.

The Real Tea

Most of us have been there in smaller ways. The partner who gives away your concert tickets, the significant other who promises your couch to their friend, the boyfriend who loans your car without asking. Each violation chips away at the foundation of respect that relationships need to survive.

The thousands of responses showed that people are finally ready to call it what it is: using intimacy as an excuse to ignore consent isn’t romantic, it’s toxic.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is protect your boundaries, even when the person you love is the one trying to cross them. And if they can’t respect that? Well, Reddit has some thoughts about what comes next.

Check out:

How To Set Healthy Relationship Boundaries And Benefits

Struggle Love: Why You Need To Avoid This Toxic Type Of Relationship

Relationships: How To Recover From A Big Or Bad Fight With Your Partner

How To Set Boundaries And Stop Being A People Pleaser

When Helping Family Hurts: The Hidden Cost Of Ignored Boundaries