Holidays are usually difficult for those who are estranged from their family like me. It’s worse for me because I’m not just estranged but I’m also recovering from a toxic relationship without the support of my family. I’ve tried to distract myself by partying with my friends but once the party is over, I’m overcome with sadness and anxiety.
At a time like this last year, I was planning a wedding that would never come to be. My then-boyfriend, Ben, had ganged up with my family to force me into a marriage that I knew I would be miserable in. Why? You may ask. Well, the story starts way back.
Ben isn’t a stranger to me or my family. Both our families know each other and we’ve practically grown up together. I thought he was an interesting and fun guy but I never had romantic feelings towards him.
After finishing campus, he travelled abroad for work and further studies and we lost contact. However, we did check in on each other on social media every once in a while.
Two years ago, Ben came back to visit his family and we bumped into each other.
“You’re back,” I said as soon as I saw him.
“Yes. How have you been?”
“I’m good. You?”
“I’m good too.”
We chatted for a while and planned a lunch date so we could catch up on lost time.
“I know you’ve had drama in your life. I want to hear all about it.” He said then chuckled.
“Okay. I promise to come with juicy stories.”
We met that weekend for brunch and we had a good time. He even brought me a perfume as a gift. Anything I wanted, he bought. At the end of the night, we went back to my place and he spent the night. The following day, we ordered some food and he sent me money for shopping. So far, everything was going great. Nothing would have made me think that Ben was toxic. He had been a perfect gentleman throughout the date.
We met one more time before he left. That time, we talked about dating and he asked me to be his girlfriend.
“I’ve always liked you and I don’t want to lose you again.” He said. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
“Yes, I will.” I responded with a huge smile.
However, it didn’t take long for me to start noticing his toxic behaviour. The night he was supposed to leave, he invited me to a night out. I wasn’t in the mood to go since I had other commitments the following day so I asked if we could just go for a quick dinner then go back home.
He didn’t respond and when I tried to call him, he didn’t pick up. We didn’t see each other before he left yet we had just agreed to be in a relationship.
I was a bit upset but I tried not to overthink it. We talked after and resolved the issue. A few months later, he invited me to visit him in the UK. We had talked about it before he left so I expected that he would be prepared for the visit.
He wasn’t. His house was a mess. There were empty alcohol bottles everywhere, the couch had cigarette burns and the whole house reeked of cigarettes.
“I didn’t know you’re a smoker,” I said looking around the house.
“Yeah, I’m good at hiding it.”
The visit was pretty miserable. I spent most of the time cleaning his place and making it more comfortable. Meanwhile, he hosted his friends every night who would end up undoing everything I had spent the whole day doing.
I couldn’t say anything since I was a visitor but I expected Ben to stand up for me. He didn’t. In fact, he acted like it was my job to clean and cook for him.
I went back home slightly heartbroken and frustrated. It was the first time I second-guessed our relationship. However, Ben had a way of promising the world and delivering nothing. He convinced me to give him another chance, which I did despite knowing that he was toxic.
He came again during the Christmas holidays and we officially told our parents that we were dating though they already knew.
“I knew that was your husband. You were always meant to be together.” My mum said, smiling from ear to ear.
After that visit, our relationship went downhill. It was like Ben wasn’t trying to hide his toxic behaviour. Since we were in different countries, I had to monitor his social media accounts to find out what he was up to.
He would constantly post different women and declare his love for them. Sometimes, he’d call them babe. Meanwhile, he couldn’t be bothered to reply to my messages.
I had enough and told my mum that I was ending the relationship.
“Don’t you dare!” She barked.
“I’m not happy. Ben is a toxic man and I don’t think he loves me. He just wants a wife to cook and clean for him.”
“That’s what marriage is. Don’t you want a man to pay the bills and put a roof over your head?”
I was quiet since I couldn’t believe that my mum would encourage me to be with a toxic man. Little did I know that they had been secretly talking and arranging a wedding when Ben came back.
My relationship with my family was never the same after I found out. However, I still decided to give both Ben and my family another chance. After all, I would have lots of good opportunities abroad if I married him.
He came back and we started the wedding preparations. During the planning, my family got to see Ben’s toxic behaviour for the first time. He would lose his temper over small things and yell at me. No one said anything – not even his mother.
I realized that if I got married to him I would be on my own. No one would be there to defend me and even if I confided in my family, they wouldn’t do anything.
When Ben returned to the UK, I sent him a text letting him know that I didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.
“You’re a toxic person and you don’t seem like you care about me. You constantly belittle me and insult me but the worst part is how my family and yours enable your behaviour. I can’t do this anymore. I’m breaking up with you.”
He didn’t respond, as usual. Instead, he contacted my mum who was furious about the news. She also insulted me and told me how I was making the biggest mistake in my life.
From then, I realized that my family didn’t care about my well-being because how could they encourage me to marry someone who they knew was toxic.
I distanced myself from them and slowly stopped talking to them. I haven’t talked to my family in months. They’ve tried to reach out but I’m not ready to reconcile yet.
Check out
Her Parents Enabled Her Abusive And Cheating Boyfriend
From Fairytale To Nightmare, My Knight In Shining Armour Turned Into My Abuser
My Romantic Boyfriend Was Actually A Toxic Love Bomber
My Situationship Turned Into A Marriage That Ruined My Life
She Fell In Love With A Man Who She Thought Was Perfect But He Turned Out To Be An Abuser
My Toxic Ex Harassed Me On Social Media Until I Had To Deactivate My Accounts
The Family Condoned His Bad Behaviour And Joked That His Wife Would Reform Him
