In modern culture, it’s difficult to know what it takes to make a man. There are all kinds of online advisors telling boys the kind of men they should aspire to be. In modern-day, being a man is more than being a provider, a father, or a friend. Gender roles have become more complex and many men speak of being displaced as women become more empowered. It’s a day and age where being a man has more to do with self-fulfillment and self-discovery rather than finding a role within patriarchy.
There’s a universal rule that applies to everyone. Drink water, be kind to others, volunteer, read books, and do exercise. For men, outlined journeys prescribed by self-proclaimed gurus of masculinity are leading to loneliness, toxic masculinity, violence, and loss of self. The International Association for Suicide Prevention states that men die by suicide twice as many times as women. In short, the boys are not alright. How The Male Loneliness Epidemic Affects Fathers And What Can Be Done To Help
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Many wellness trends online are gender neutral but there is an undeniable bend towards the female gaze. While women are encouraged to indulge in self-care, men aren’t wholeheartedly supported. Many “male gurus” decry habits that are typically viewed as feminine. This leaves vulnerable men to fend for themselves or make their wives and girlfriends their therapists. This creates a cycle of toxicity and dissatisfaction in relationships which means men are single more often. There are more holistic ways to be a better man.
1. Be curious
When conversing with other people, don’t let your confidence interrupt another person. Try to find out why they think the way they do rather than trying to correct them. Unless you’re in a marketplace of ideas or with other experts in your field, stay curious by listening. Even if what they’re saying is ridiculous, they likely have merits in their ways of thinking. Conversation is the art of understanding others.
Be a super-communicator. Ask about what you just heard. Let them speak. Don’t just listen to respond but to understand. Repeat what they said to them and make an effort to appear like you want to get their thought process. When you’re more receptive to others they’ll be more inclined to listen to you.
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2. Find an interest that makes you get outside your head
This can range from watching birds to partaking in art. When you take walks to go birdwatching, you’re forced to pay attention to your environment. If you decide to take up photography, you start with your surroundings. What is the most arresting thing where you’re seated, take a picture. If you’d like to take it a step further, start a social media account about the art or try junk journaling where you reflect on what you saw. When you engage with the world outside more, you end up letting your internal voices take a backseat. The noises in your head stay quiet and listen.
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3. Declutter
Our modern lives are surrounded by junk. Marie Kondo’s philosophy of letting go of things that don’t bring us joy applies to interpersonal relationships as well. They say it takes simple things to make a man happy. But why do you still have the box your 2019 phone came in? You won’t use it, throw it out. All the old clothes and electronics that you promised you would upcycle, find a responsible way to toss them. Create more room in your environment for new memories and mementoes. Lifestyle: 8 Ways Clutter Affects Your Mental Health
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4. Stay active
This isn’t about just exercise. Take a walk in the outdoors or go for a run. Movement is a great way to keep the body healthy, reduce stress, reduce ageing and lower the risk of early death. Residents who live in Blue Zones, areas in the world where people live to over 100, espouse the virtues of staying active. Walk to the shops instead of ordering delivery, and take the stairs instead of the lifts. Don’t focus too much on becoming a gym rat. Achieving the ideal body for a starring role in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is unsustainable for people with day jobs. It also leads to body image issues. Focus instead on avoiding a sedentary life.
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5. Keep plants in your house
If you have the space for it, start a vegetable garden outside your house. But the simplest way to connect with nature indoors is to invest in some houseplants. Plants can help you purify the air, reduce the risk of allergies, and can help you reduce stress. Keep flowers somewhere you see them first thing, like a counter directly from your front door or near your bedside. Studies show that flowers boost mood, and increase happiness. 5 Low Maintenance Plants To Upgrade Your Space
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6. Get enough sleep
Lack of sleep leads to loss of focus, low energy, increased stress, and fatigue. Men need at least eight hours of sleep each night. The quality of sleep also matters. Sleeping from 1 am to 9 am isn’t as healthy as sleeping from 10 pm to 6 am. Don’t jeopardise your health by having too many late nights. Try to sleep at the same time every night. Don’t use screens before bed and make sure your room is clean and properly aerated. Wellness: Why You’re Always Tired Even After Sleeping Enough
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7. Use the sauna
Sweat therapy is a popular wellness trend. They are especially common in gyms as they are a great post-workout practice. Saunas help reduce stress levels, boost heart health, reduce eczema symptoms, and potentially lower the risk of dementia among men. However, don’t use one if you’ve been drinking or have low blood pressure.
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8. Meet your friends
Take the time and effort to meet your friends whenever your schedules allow. It’s easy to rely on online connections in gaming sites or participating in streaming chats. However, you need real-life connections with people who are just happy to be around you. Meeting regularly boosts your heart health and reduces the risk of early death.
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9. Know your taste
It’s easy to go with the flow and just accept what’s on trend or what others tell you to like. But take the time to savour. Whether it’s different types of beer or how your steak is done. Sample what’s available to know what pleases you best. Why do you prefer hibiscus tea to green tea, have you tried mixing them with lemongrass? Experiment and learn until you find what suits you. Don’t be afraid to evolve. You can like dark ales one season and prefer lighter beers another season.
10. Avoid fad diets
While many fad diets predominantly target women, there are extreme diet practices that target men. Highly restrictive diets like the carnivore diet are mostly promoted in predominantly male spaces. However, restrictive eating can just as easily affect men and lead to disordered eating. Focus on having a balanced diet. In addition, instead of worrying too much about what you should remove from your meals, see what you can add to make it more nutritious. If you’re having fries for lunch, perhaps you can add a side salad and eat fruits after. If you’re having yoghurt for a snack, add fruits. How Body Image Struggles Affect Men And How They Can Manage Them
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11. Don’t be helpless
Men are socialised to believe that certain skills are just for women. They also learn that if they aren’t married, they can pay someone to perform those skills. However, you may not always be in a position to pay someone to cook or clean for you. Know how to do laundry like a professional. Learn how to sew, cook, and clean stubborn stains off a carpet.
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12. Stay old-fashioned
In the modern day, it’s no longer necessary to send letters. Most communication is done with texts on apps that are becoming so intuitive there are AI prompts to help you get to your point quicker. But this takes away the joy of communicating. Take the time to have long phone calls with your favourite people. Send long voice notes to your friends so that they’re listening to your voice like a podcast and let them send them back in turn. Send letters to your long-distance loved ones. Make the time to send physical cards or postcards to anyone you love who is away from you. Send long emails where you’re recapping your week to your best friend or partner. It helps you live in the ephemera of joyous moments. When you see a rare car or a butterfly, you will want to show your loved one.
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