Many react poorly to feedback, especially when unsolicited. But sometimes, something you have done does call for criticism. Some may also respond harshly, and it can come off as hate. It’s easy to conflate hate with criticism. However, there’s a difference. Criticism is when a flaw is logically pointed out to help you improve. Hate is when someone is trying to put you down. It may not always be illogical or unreasonable, but the intent is to make you feel bad about yourself.
It’s also easy to fall into the purview of hate even when you think you’re providing constructive criticism. If you approach it by belittling what the other person is trying to accomplish, that’s hate. It’s mean-spirited and unhelpful. You can’t make people improve by damaging their self-esteem. You’re more likely to make them abandon their projects.
How to criticize appropriately and avoid hate
When an expert sees that you’re doing something wrong, they’ll get straight to what you need to fix. If you want to criticize someone, you need to consider your intention. Unlike criticizing media or products where there are specific criteria to follow, with people is a bit more nuanced.
You need to understand that people don’t like being told that their work is being done poorly. They don’t see the need to change when they have been doing things the same way, and nothing has gone wrong. This makes them less receptive to constructive criticism. But sometimes, it’s necessary to help them change and grow.
The first step when offering constructive criticism is to show that a valid observation was behind it. For example, if you see someone with poor form at the gym, you can approach them non-threateningly when they’re done with their set and politely tell them what they’re doing right, how they’re doing it wrong, and why they need to change. Reasonable individuals will be grateful and eventually change how they’ve been doing things. More defensive people will argue, but at this point, their response is not your concern. You must also accept that once you’ve offered constructive criticism, your audience has every right to ignore it. You can’t force people to change. But those who want better for themselves will consider your insights.
How to respond to criticism vs. hate
Hate
If everyone were kind, there’d be no hate. Hate is judgemental or insulting. It is also biased, disregards any positives, is insensitive, and is meant to embarrass or attack. You can respond to it variedly depending on where you’re receiving hate.
When you receive hate at work, try to record every instance, then report it to the necessary authorities. This protects you and other workers who may experience the same. If the hate targets a protected identity, such as disability, religion, or gender, ensure that you tell the authorities who need to know. This can prevent it from escalating into attacks. If you feel unsafe or get threatened, remove yourself from your situation. Seeking help from your organization or programs that deal with hate can help you get to safety.
Sometimes you can respond to a hater in kind. If they refuse to respect your boundaries, you can ignore them or fight fire with fire. For instance, if someone tries to insult your attempts to become fitter, you can remind them that your body is none of their business. However, it’s best to remember that hate needs energy to survive, if you can, choose to ignore hateful comments.
It’s important to remember that hate reflects more on the person hating, not you. They’re lashing out because they have personal dissatisfaction, resentment, or envy. Emotionally intelligent people don’t go out of their way to spread hate in any shape or form.
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Criticism
Constructive criticism can feel like an attack when you think you are doing well. It’s human to take it poorly. However, it never comes from a place of malice. If you feel defensive when criticized by a supervisor, trainer, or expert stranger, try not to respond immediately. Don’t be curt or attempt to interrupt them. Breathe through your frustration and internalize what they’re saying. Unless asked, don’t try to explain why what you were doing is ok. For instance, if you’re a runner and a specific method has worked for you, but if an experienced runner says you need to change your shoes, don’t lash out.
Examine why they are asking you to change your shoes. Perhaps you’re wearing a type that affects your form because it has a too-thin sole or a size too small. People offering constructive criticism are only trying to help. They’re not trying to lower your self-esteem. Don’t take pride in doing things the wrong way.
Sometimes criticism can come mixed with hate. When this happens, the person may be providing insights in a hurtful way. The only way to respond to this is to ignore the negative comments and take what’s constructive. Where possible, you can avoid contact with these people. It’s not easy to dig through the negative to find valuable insight, but ultimately, it serves you better.
Check out:
Relationships: How To Gracefully Take Constructive Criticism
How You Can Use Self-Criticism To Your Advantage
Some Advice From Twitter On Things Every Girl Should Know About But Are Rarely Taught
6 Signs Of Emotional Intelligence
