Self-criticism often gets a bad reputation. However, you can use it to your advantage for self-improvement. It rightfully has a bad reputation because it can affect productivity. Being too hard on yourself can also take a toll on your mental health which increases the risk of anxiety and depression. Not only do these conditions have serious ramifications for your mind, but they can also cause physical distress. In addition, to stress, negative self-talk can lead to low self-esteem which can then affect your interpersonal relationships.
What to avoid when self-criticising
Self-criticism becomes a problem when you go too far. There are signs to look out for to know you’ve gone outside an acceptable zone. When you notice these habits, it’s best to take a step back, re-evaluate your habits, and find a new method of self-improvement.
- Nitpicking your work
- Blaming the past
- Being regretful
- Comparing yourself to others
These habits show that you want to prove your imperfections. In reality, you can never achieve perfection. Having such thoughts is only setting yourself up to fail.
How to get over self-criticism when it’s bad for you
Your inner critic is just a habit formed from many years of trauma, abuse, bullying, or being a perfectionist. It can start as a form of self-protection. Self-criticism as a trauma response is a way to remove the power of hurting you from others. Nobody can hurt you as badly as you can hurt yourself.
This kind of self-criticism is harmful. Research has found that an incessant inner critic can increase the symptoms of depression, anxiety, disordered eating, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. Conversely, these conditions can also increase the likelihood of self-criticism. Studies show that people with more self-compassion are less likely to experience mental health problems.
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It’s especially important to silence your inner critic when you start using the second person to refer to yourself. This kind of negative self-talk takes a life of its own. Instead of saying, I didn’t go for a run today, your mind tells you you’re so lazy you didn’t do anything meaningful all week. When you start criticising yourself needlessly, it’s time to take a step back and find a way to stop your inner critic.
1. Figure out what triggered it
Nobody is born being self-critical. It’s a habit that forms after a specific event. Once you’ve seen where it started, whether it was from trauma or trying to become a perfectionist, you can find a way to work around it. For instance, if it started with a teacher calling you names and you use similar language when criticising yourself, you can find a way to separate the negative self-talk and assign it its source. This way you establish the first step into banishing those dark thoughts.
2. Respond to your inner critic
Another way to reduce the power of negative self-talk is to change the language around it. For instance, if you’re resting and your inner critic tells you that you’re being lazy, you can change it to my inner critic is saying I’m being lazy. This helps you talk back to the self-criticism and see if there’s anything valuable being said. You can tell your inner critic that you’re resting because your body needs it.
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3. Use the jar method
This works like a swear jar. Instead of putting some money or a note every time you swear, you put in something every time you have a negative self-thought. Using a clear jar where you can visualize what you’ve been thinking about yourself heightens your awareness of your inner critic. This makes it easier for you to avoid or change them. Monitoring your progress whereby you end you end up with less negative self-talk can be motivating.
4. Recruit a support system
This doesn’t mean getting someone to point out every time you self-criticise. This can increase the amount of pressure you’re facing. Instead use the people around you, or a therapist to help you identify when you’re talking negatively about yourself. When they identify patterns and triggers, this can help you find a way to navigate your inner critic.
5. Meditate
There is a meditation known as love-kindness meditation. Studies show it can have multiple benefits for your mental well-being. Love-kindness meditation involves repeating positive affirmations to improve the quality of your life. It helps you change your self-talk and start addressing yourself with more compassion. Defaulting to hurtful statements is a habit you can break out of, one step at a time.
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When can self-criticism be good for you?
Your inner critic may have a hard time drawing the line between trying your best and pushing for perfection. But when you’re able to strike the balance, your inner critic can be a helping hand rather than a voice that brings you down.
Signs of a healthy inner critic
You know your inner critic is a good thing when it doesn’t use negative self-talk. This comes from a place of trauma. Positive self-criticism uses neutral language. It doesn’t call you lazy for needing a break. For instance, if you have been working for a long time, your inner critic reminds you that you need a break for your mental and physical health. It reminds you when you need to take a self-care walk because you’re feeling overwhelmed. Think of it as an internal nanny.
Positive self-criticism wants you to learn from your mistakes. It doesn’t put you down or try to confirm thoughts that prove why you should have low self-esteem. For example, if you fail an exam, your inner critic points out the areas where you need to improve next time and the subject matter you need to spend more time on. Negative self-talk calls you names and undermines your intellect. You end up not working at all to improve your grades because you confirm that you aren’t capable of good grades. But having a wholesome internal nanny merely points out that you just need to work more next time and you’ll do your best, regardless of the graded outcome.
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Advantages of self-criticism
Being self-critical makes you more analytical. You’re likely to be more detail-oriented. This can be great for your school work, career, or any personal projects. It’s important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t take it too far. The key is to do your best, not be the best.
Because you’re more prone to compare yourself to others, this can make you more empathetic and a great listener. You can be more sensitive to others’ needs and this helps your interpersonal relationships.
Self-criticism doesn’t always have to be a yoke. It can be changed into something helpful for your personal or career growth. Being constantly aware of everything you do and every decision, ensures you spend more time mulling things over. While this isn’t a guarantee that you’ll never make mistakes, you’re more reliable and less impulsive. You don’t want to let other people, and most importantly, you don’t want to let yourself down.
Check out:
There Is A Difference Between Criticism And Hate. How You Should Deal With Both
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