At times I wonder if my dad is on a mission to make sure I stay single forever. I understand that dads are protective of their daughters but my dad goes to extreme lengths to chase away any suitors. It has worked, so far. Any guy I bring home swears that they will never come back. It doesn’t help that my dad is 6’1 and a former soldier. There are pictures of him in full military uniform holding a gun hanging in our living room. Naturally, any man would be intimidated by him at first sight.
However, he doesn’t stop there. My dad questions all the guys I bring home like he’s interrogating a war prisoner. His strategy is simple. He sends me to make him and the guest a glass of whiskey. That’s the first test. If the guest declines the drink, he passes. If he accepts, he has already failed without even knowing. Most guys accept because who would dare talk back to my dad? While I’m preparing the drink, my dad moves in for the kill literally. He goes to sit next to the guy and pins him down with a firm grip on his shoulder. The poor guys stood no chance against him.
“He wasn’t worthy of you.” My dad said after I complain that yet another guy refuses to date me because of his behaviour.
It didn’t stop him though. He went on to harass all my boyfriends until I finished university. After university, I spent a year at home as I saved money to move out. One of my childhood friends had also moved back home and we reconnected.
We grew up in the same neighbourhood and I used to think he was the hottest guy on Earth. I never made a move since we were young and I didn’t know how to approach guys. For some reason, he didn’t make a move on me either. I think he already knew my dad was a military officer and he didn’t want to take his chances. Nonetheless, we had a good friendship and my dad seemed to like him.
I was so excited to meet him, especially since I used to have a huge crush on him when I was younger. Seeing him again brought back all those feelings.
“Dad, guess who I ran into,” I told him excitedly as soon as I got home.
“James.”
“Who is James?”
“Mama Mbugua’s son.”
He turned around suddenly and gave me a long stare. I wasn’t sure what I had done but I knew I was in trouble.
“Ooh. James. I know him. He’s a good boy.” He smiled.
“He’s not a boy anymore. He’s a man.”
“Which man? Is he not living with his mother?”
“Dad!”
I didn’t think much of the conversation since James and I were just friends. I was in another relationship as well and didn’t think that James and I would ever date. However, my relationship ended shortly after meeting James. I found out my ex was cheating on me after I moved out of our shared apartment to go and stay at home.
James and I grew closer after the breakup. He had been asking me out on a date for almost two months and I finally accepted his offer. The date went better than I expected. He promised to take me out at least once every week and he kept his word.
Then, a few months after the first date, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I happily agreed. By that time, he had already gotten his own place and I was planning to move out.
“Why don’t you move in with me?” James asked.
It was a good idea since we could share some costs and save some money. However, there was one major problem – my dad. If I was going to move out, he needed to know exactly where I was going. The only reason I lived with my previous boyfriend was because I moved out of my former place to his without my dad knowing. Otherwise, it would never have happened.
However, I really liked James and I wanted to move in with him with my dad’s blessing. I let James know that we had to tell my dad before moving out.
“Does he even know that we’re dating?” He asked in a panic.
“No, but it’s not that bad. I’m a grown-up now. He won’t harass you, I promise.”
“Fine. I’m only doing it because I like you.”
We thought of telling his mum first then she would tell my dad but eventually, we decided to tell him ourselves.
“Dad, we have a guest tomorrow.”
“Ooh. One of those guests of yours. Let him come.” He answered.
“Please don’t scare him away. I want my daughter to get married.” My mother interjected.
I had already told her that I was bringing James but my dad didn’t know. We prepared a delicious meal for him and set the dining table. As I was fixing up the living room, the doorbell rang and I went to open it.
James walked in with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of whiskey. We walked into the living room and my dad’s face went stone cold.
“James. It’s you.”
“Yes sir.” He said.
“Sit down.”
“Dad, he brought you and Mum some gifts.”
“That’s very nice but what do you want with my daughter.”
He skipped his strategy and cut straight to the chase which I thought was a good sign. The two conversed as we prepared my dad a drink. However, I could hear the conversation getting heated and I had to stop it before it went too far.
“The food is ready,” I said placing the glass of whiskey on the coffee table.
My dad stood up and let out a huge grunt followed by the loudest fart I had ever heard. We didn’t know what to do. It didn’t seem to bother him. In fact, he kept eye contact with James the whole time. He walked to the dining room and served himself.
However, James decided to leave and barely said anything to me. I was too embarrassed to say anything as well. The following day, he sent me a message asking if I still wanted to move in with him. I thought it was sweet of him to still want to have a relationship with me after my dad disrespected him. However, I changed my mind and decided to stay home. My dad wasn’t going to let me move out, anyway. We broke up after some time but it had nothing to do with my dad. In fact, the two have become really close over the years and now, my dad begs me to get back together with him. How the tables turn.
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