Thanks to the sexual revolution and rapidly changing views about sex and sexuality, casual sex is increasingly common and attracts far less stigma and judgment. Casual sex refers to a broad range of activities up to and sometimes including sex that takes place between individuals who are not in a committed relationship. Because of sexism and the hold patriarchy has on society, it remains more permissible for men than for women. Recently a prompt on Twitter had people sharing their most popular opinions about casual sex. Here are some of the ideas that kept popping up.
Casual sex sucks
One of the prevailing views, mostly from women is that casual sex sucks. Women rarely, if ever, enjoy themselves. This is not surprising given that the orgasm gap exists even for heterosexual couples in committed relationships. The orgasm gap is much worse for casual sex encounters but is present even for people in committed relationships. A number of reasons were advanced to explain why.
- Fear of intimacy and vulnerability
- Absence of basic care, attention, and gentleness or even acknowledgement of people’s humanity
- Societal prioritization of male pleasure over mutual pleasure and satisfaction
There’s something about casual sex that seeks to deny that sex is an intimate act. It seeks to introduce this distance, forcing people to pretend it’s not intimate and vulnerable when it is. There’s also this persistent fear of catching feelings that makes people treat each other poorly. One of the worst things you can do in a casual sex encounter is to develop feelings. How healthy is it to continually suppress your feelings? Also, what hope is there that people will treat each other right when they have made every effort to sever all feelings during the interaction?
Then society works overtime to convince both men and women that men’s needs are more important than those of women. Women are out here bombarded with a million articles about how to pleasure your man or risk losing him, meanwhile, men are just out there looking out just for themselves. I’ve seen men online loudly proclaim that while they expect the woman in a casual sex encounter to perform oral sex on them but they would never reciprocate. To these men, only women in relationships deserve to receive oral sex. Women consistently in both casual sex encounters and in relationships report fewer orgasms and less pleasure from sex. Men’s needs are all that matter.
We live in a society that doesn’t value women’s needs at all. Even beyond sex, the things women want and are interested in are viewed on a scale from childish to too much. Everyone is taught to dismiss women’s needs and concerns. So even with casual sex when women want to cuddle afterwards, this is something men can just dismiss altogether. IN fact, during casual sex encounters, desiring any sort of aftercare is viewed as a total no-no.
For these and many more reasons, women are opting out of casual sex not for patriarchal reasons rooted in shaming and controlling women but because it doesn’t offer the pleasure, connection and intimacy with a partner that it should.
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