Cheating for all its ubiquity is heartbreaking when it happens to you. You end up overwhelmed with intense feelings including pain, anger, gut-wrenching grief, confusion and a deep sense of loss, even shame. The rollercoaster of emotions can lead to insomnia, loss of appetite, physical pain and even depression and anxiety. One way people respond is by cheating on the person who has cheated on them. This is popularly known as revenge cheating or retaliatory infidelity. It’s an attempt to hurt their cheating partner by engaging in your own extramarital affair or sexual encounter.
Why people choose revenge cheating
Infidelity can be a traumatic experience leading people who would otherwise not break the bonds of trust in their relationship to be unfaithful. Some reasons people choose revenge cheating include:
Feelings of anger and betrayal
Desire for retribution
Desire to boost self-esteem and confidence after being made to feel undesirable or lacking
Desire to end the relationship altogether
Risk and dangers of revenge cheating
Emotional distress
In the heat of the moment, what seems like a good idea could later seem like a bad one once you cool off. One study found that people who participated in revenge cheating experienced anger, anxiety, shame and remorse. It can make you question your values and integrity leading to a downward spiral of negative emotions and self-doubt. If you decide that that is the path you want to take, give yourself some time before acting on it.
Doesn’t work
Being cheated on can wreck your sense of self, destroying your self-esteem and confidence as you question why that would happen to you. Some people revenge cheat to prove to themselves and their partner that they are desirable and can get some action if they want to. Cheating may prove that you are desirable but will not make you feel better, in fact, it may make you feel worse, especially if infidelity is contrary to your personal ethos. You shouldn’t allow anyone to make you live contrary to your values. Hurting your partner also has no connection to your pain and does not decrease it. It may give them a taste of their own medicine, but it does not decrease your pain. Still, the argument can be made that it can restore one’s sense of self-respect, as in, you’re not the kind of person who just lets people walk all over them.
Unethical
Stop me if you’ve heard this one, “the best way to get over someone is to get under another one.” It’s worrisome that we can just so casually use and dispose of each other. Revenge cheating often includes just casually having sex with someone you don’t care much for and have no intention of pursuing any relationship with. While there’s nothing wrong with casual sex, sleeping with someone for nefarious reasons like hurting another person, is no way to treat each other.
Health risks
Engaging in sexual intercourse with others always carries with it the risk of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. This can be mitigated by using protection.
Reconciliation less likely
Some relationships do survive infidelity. Revenge cheating makes reconciliation less likely. It destroys the chances of the relationship surviving retaliatory cheating. It further destroys the loss of trust in the relationship. If even a tiny part of you wants to save the relationship, revenge cheating is not for you. If you’re certain you want the relationship to end, just end it. Or go out with a bang, the choice is yours. 😊
Check out
Relationships: Different Types Of Cheaters And Why They Cheat
Relationships: Dealing With The Aftermath After Your Partner Cheats On You
Relationships: 5 Reasons Why Women Cheat
How Revenge Porn Lead To A Suicide Attempt
I Made My Girlfriend Quit Her Job And Then Dumped Her After I Found Out She Was Cheating
