Anger is a core emotion that is often associated purely with the negative. This is because too many people have found themselves on the wrong side of another person’s anger. There’s nothing inherently negative about anger. The problem is how people act when they are angry otherwise the emotion is just as important and useful as a positive one like joy. Here are some anger management tips to keep you from being a terror to the people around you.
Own it
Anger is often framed as this negative emotion and if you get angry in a situation, you can feel weak for doing so. There’s nothing wrong or weak about getting angry. Own your anger, don’t fight it or pretend you’re not angry. Acknowledge that you’re angry. If possible, admit it to the other person. You could say something like, “I’m getting angry, we’re both getting upset. Maybe we should just take a beat and slow down.” Validating your feelings and theirs can make both of you feel seen in the middle of the conflict.
Pause
In the heat of the moment such as during an argument, the normal impulse usually is to speak your angry mind. It’s best to pause and just take a moment to think before you speak. You could easily say something that you’ll regret later and even if the person forgives you, you just can’t unring that bell. Some things once said are impossible to come back from. Count down in your mind or pretend your lips are glued to keep yourself from speaking in the heat of anger.
Distance
Take a break from each other, putting some distance between you. Trying to win the argument will only fuel your anger increasing the likelihood of causing real harm. Remove yourself from the situation if you can. You could walk around or engage in some physical activity to channel that rage. Scream, cry, or laugh if it will help get that frustration out. For some people stretching helps or breathing exercises or listening to music. Do whatever works to calm you down.
Break it down
Now that you’re not seething, you’ll likely gain clarity about what’s going on internally. Take a pen and paper and sort through what’s going on with you. Why are you upset? Was your anger a friend or an enemy? Was it justified, for example in the face of injustice or defensive in the face of criticism? Can you identify what triggered you? Identifying your triggers can help in this specific situation and also in the future. There’s every possibility that you’ll be triggered again so it helps to know what does it to you. Putting your feelings into words can make them more tangible and therefore more manageable. This writing and acknowledgement of your feelings can also help calm you down further.
Consider solutions
Having gotten clarity about what the problem is, you can begin to consider possible solutions. Think about ways to resolve the conflict. You could speak to a friend to get some perspective. Everyone has blind spots so there may be something you’re not seeing. Consider reaching out to the other person to maybe have a sit-down and try and resolve the issue together. If you need to practice your response in advice, articulating your grievances clearly to yourself.
Seek help
It’s important to know when to seek help. Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences, but if your anger is disrupting your life and that of other people around you if it’s harming you and people around you, consider seeking professional help to help you deal with your anger. 6 Things They Don’t Tell You About Therapy
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