In the early days of a relationship when there’s a lot of excitement and enthusiasm, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of it all. There is no right answer about how fast a relationship should progress, but there are dangers in moving too fast. Here are the signs a relationship is moving too fast and ways to slow it down.
Signs you’re moving too fast
You’re on the rebound
If you are fresh out of a long-term relationship, you probably need to slow things down. Most people on a rebound often rush into new relationships because of the fear of being alone and the desire for connection.
All sex all the time
You can’t spend time together without it ending up getting physical. In the early days of a relationship, it can be difficult to keep your hands off each other but if you always have sex every time you meet and spend the majority of your time doing that, you may be moving too fast. It may also be masking incompatibility and keeping you from having serious discussions about the relationship.
You ignore other relationships
Your love for each other absorbs all your thoughts and time to the exclusion of all others including family and friends. All your free time is spent with them and no one else. This could be a sign of a toxic relationship that could also be abusive. A similar red flag is if you rearrange your whole life and all your plans for them, that is if the romance is too overwhelming for anything else.
You’re sharing back accounts
You should not share financial accounts with someone you’ve known only for a few weeks no matter how strong the connection or how much you think you love them. This is how people get swindled.
Moving in together
If you move in together in the early weeks of dating, you are likely moving too fast. Moving in together too early can be disastrous for a relationship. Accompanied to this is having serious discussions and setting plans about getting married and having children within a few weeks of knowing each other.
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You think your partner’s perfect
One side-effect of moving too fast is being so caught up in the attraction that you don’t spend time getting to know each other. Try this small exercise, list 5 things about your partner that you don’t like. If you weren’t able to come up with anything, you’re in trouble. You are ignoring crucial things about your partner. No one is perfect and if you can’t see that, you’re too caught up in your feelings to see things clearly. It’s also not a good sign if you never have any disagreements.
Crossing milestones fast
Relationships have many different stages and milestones that are supposed to be crossed gradually as you get to know each other. If you’re crossing these key milestones in the initial weeks or months, you may be moving too fast.
It may seem romantic to give each other a Diane Sawyer level of access into each other’s lives and business, but the truth is boundaries are good for relationships. When relationships move too fast, boundaries are not set which has a negative effect on the relationship. Being overly vulnerable in the beginning is risky and could open you up to abuse. You shouldn’t blindly trust someone you just met.
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Dangers of moving too fast
- When a relationship moves too fast:
- You don’t spend enough time getting to know your partner.
- It interferes with other aspects of your life including relationships and work.
- You operate based on illusions and fantasies you’ve made up because you don’t really know each other.
How to slow things down
- Evaluate the situation yourself and the ways in which you’re moving too fast.
- Discuss it with your partner.
- Set new terms of engagement together.
- Try not to sleep together by, for example, meeting in public places.
- Take time for yourself and go back to engaging in the activities you used to like before the relationship.
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