When they said if wishes were horses, beggars would ride them, they weren’t far from the truth. I wished for a boyfriend but ended up riding on an ass – donkey that is. I swear even a camel has more respect.
My story begins right after COVID-19 had surged all over and the country was on lockdown. Zoom was the new WhatsApp and I was feeling myself talking to my boyfriend Martin every night right after I had finished my cooking.
Being a chef I had made it a routine to be baking the food items that were out to be sold the next day at night, and during the day I would be cooking for orders that were coming in. Business was going well during the COVID-19 crisis, I was still earning my daily bread.
You could say that I met Martin in a hopeless place. Or maybe not so hopeless.
I had been speaking to my friends about my failed relationships when they forwarded me the names of a few dating apps and suggested that I should give them a go. I registered on a few, and some I didn’t get around to trying. But I could say that those I never tried I never will. Why, because life had to remind me that when the deal is too good, think twice.
Martin was a cute guy and this I could tell from his profile and the pictures on his wall. He had the standard profile pictures people put on their wall, and a few with friends to show that someone knew and appreciated him. He seemed social and after taking a second glance at his profile, I swiped right and went back to my business. Days passed before I could go back on the app and then on this particular evening, I decided to check my messages.
I had a few likes and some messages which I hurriedly opened to see if my interests were reciprocated. Many were hi’s and some How are you’s. Martin had swiped right and left a special message too. It read;
Hi, I am hoping you’re alright. I wouldn’t have thought that I could meet such a pretty woman on this platform. I know you must hear this a lot, but truly you caught me at hello. Don’t be surprised that I swiped right. I will be waiting for your reply.
Looking at his profile to confirm if he was the one I took note that he was online and so I responded. We kicked it off and got down to know each other. He said he lived in Kileleshwa and that he was surprised to have met someone like me at a time like this. I said me too. We couldn’t meet because of the pandemic. It was better to be safe then sorry right? This was around May when the fear of COVID-19 was spreading faster than the virus itself. So we agreed that we would be meeting via zoom or WhatsApp whenever each of us was available. We met online and wrote each other sexy texts, and even some dirty texts if you know what I mean.
Martin loved my cooking. Not only was he very quick to share his thoughts and leave a like on social media, but he liked the taste too. Between our flirting and sweet nothings, Martin never failed to order food from me. Well, he’d ordered a couple of times and feeling that it was weird to charge him, I started making him treats – first snacks, then food that I would send him via delivery services.
I liked him even more because he was very supportive and he made sure to post the meals I sent him on his socials. This gave me some reassurance and as days went by I couldn’t shake the fact that I wanted to see him in person.
We had arranged to meet on a certain weekend, but on that day he cancelled saying that his mom had just been rushed into quarantine due to Covid. I was worried and so I put on my working sandals and concocted some elixir, porridge and snacks to cheer him up. Via delivery, I sent the snacks to him and I knew he would be sure to call when they arrived. I was the heroine in his life and my heart jumped when he called me to say thank you.
We were mid-conversation when I heard a woman’s voice in the background asking who was on the phone. I assumed it was his sister or one of his relatives since his mother having Covid would not be an issue he would be handling alone. ‘People must be in the house, to console him if not to keep him company,” I told myself. So in fear that I might be wasting his precious time when he should be handling family matters, I told him that it was okay to hang up we could talk some other time.
Just then I heard, “Babe! What’s taking you so long?”
“I’ll be right there, let me finish ordering some food,” and just like that, the call was disconnected.
I called him back to demand some explanation, but he didn’t pick his call. Instead, he texted saying that we could talk later. Ass is as ass does, that’s the last I ever heard of him.
Turns out, during lockdown is not only the worst time you can choose to take back your ex but it’s also not the best time to start cooking for prospects you haven’t met yet. Lest you become a chef for them and their girlfriends.
Let us just say I will be stick to cooking for my family and close friends, not sending food over to any “boyfriend” that could be eating my food with another woman. Lesson learnt.
This story is loosely based around a tweet we saw on social media.
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