Nowadays, finding out you’re a side chick isn’t news anymore but this one took the cake (no pun intended). I had been dating my boyfriend for 5 years and not once did I suspect that he had a wife or that I’d learn about her through a text. We’d spend weeks and even months together throughout the course of the relationship. He picked me up from work, spoiled me with dates, and took me back home where he spent multiple nights. In fact, my friends would always praise him as a great boyfriend because he treated me like a queen. I’m not going to lie, I felt the same way.
It had been a while since a man showed me that kind of attention and it was flattering. Before I knew it, I had completely fallen for him. This may have clouded my judgment since looking back, there were several red flags that were so obvious. Anyway, I enjoyed my time with Fred. For the first two years, he gave me his undivided attention. Whenever I called him, he’d drop everything and meet me. Then, all of a sudden, my calls went unanswered and he’d reply days later. He told me that he got a promotion at work that required him to travel out of the country regularly so I brushed my doubts aside. However, my attitude towards him changed. I was no longer under his spell and I even went on dates with other guys after he’d ignore me for weeks.
Noticing the change, he went back to picking me up and taking me out on dates though not as frequent as before. He still had the charm to get me to do anything he wanted and the one thing he insisted was that I shouldn’t date anyone else.
“Babe, promise me you’re not going to see any other man.” He said one night as we enjoyed a night out.
“Sweetie, we’ve been dating for two and a half years. That should be the least of your worries. In fact, you should be thinking about wifing me.” I said jokingly.
“You’re funny, hun.” He replied.
From then, every attempt to ask him about the future of our relationship was taken as a joke. At some point, I got tired of asking and simply waited for him to propose to me.
“He had to,” I told myself. “It’s been almost 5 years now.”
However, the day never came and instead, I found out I was dating a serial cheater. I spent that day at my mother’s house helping her prepare for the dinner she was hosting that night. As I sat chatting with her, I received a text reading,
“It’s my wife’s birthday. Do you want cake and food?”
It took me a few minutes to re-read and process what the text really said. I double-checked if it came from Fred’s number and after opening and closing it hundreds of times, it finally hit me that my boyfriend had sent that text. I was in shock and motionless for a few minutes before my phone rang and snapped me back to reality.
His name appeared on my phone’s screen and somehow, I was hopeful that this was all a joke and that he would be laughing at the other end of the call. I calmed my nerves and picked up the call. Before I could say anything, he cut in.
“What did you say you want?” he asked
“Huh?” I replied.
It was quite noisy in his background and I barely heard what he said but I was sure he wasn’t joking. After realizing that we couldn’t communicate, he hung up. My confusion turned to worry quickly as I frantically scrolled through my phone waiting for him to text me back clearing the strange incident. He didn’t call or text back so I decided to call him instead. He answered almost immediately in the same upbeat voice with noise in the background.
“Babe, I’m busy now. Are you okay?” He asked
“What text did you send me about your wife.”
I could almost hear his heart drop as soon as he realized what was happening.
“I haven’t sent you any text.”
The phone went silent but I could hear him breathe heavily.
“I’m going to call you back shortly, babe.”
After this, I put the pieces together and figured he had sent the text to the wrong person. However, I couldn’t let it go and I had to find out what truly transpired that day. I tried to call him throughout the day but he didn’t answer his phone and eventually, his number didn’t go through. I then called one of his friends who I knew would be at the party.
“Hey, Candy.” He answered.
“Hey. Are you with Fred?”
“I was with him earlier but I left the party.”
“Has he said anything about me?”
“Girl, he was a mess. The wife almost caught on. He kept calling your name and rumbling while he looked through his text. Then he showed me the text he sent you about his wife. Apparently, he meant to send it to a different Candy.” He explained.
“What? You knew about this all this time and you didn’t tell me.”
“He told us he was going to leave his wife.”
“But he clearly had multiple other women.”
“I don’t know, hun. Fred is a complicated guy.”
We hung up and once again, I sat in silence. It was both comical and sad thinking about the events of that day. I later learned that he fed multiple women out of the party. We never spoke to each other since I blocked his number and he never tried to contact me again. I took a year off from dating and tried to move on after spending 5 years of my life with a pathological liar and cheater. Nowadays, if a guy shows any interest in me, they have to show me their phonebook so I can see how many women he knows who share the same name.
The singlehood series is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different people. It looks at the current world of dating around the world and the experiences that people have gone through.