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Image from https://citifmonline.com/2015/09/the-science-behind-great-sex/

If Spartacus Was A Virgin

Brian Muchiri by Brian Muchiri
14 November 2019
in Fiction
Reading Time: 6 mins read
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Nothing beats the excitement of knowing you are about to have sex. It is a high that compares to none; your palms get sweaty, your heart beats faster and your mind works overtime to show you how nothing else in the world matters. The thought of sex is so good, it is even better when you are a wide-eyed form-four virgin who just turned eighteen.

Veronica and I had been dating since form two. We had met at an athletics outing; she was competing in the 100m race and I was the weird guy holding glucose powder and bottles of water at the finish line. My job was to hand the glucose and water to the competitors as soon as they completed the race. They had given me an oversized reflector jacket with the word “SECURITY” written in bold, which was humorous because I am 5’6 tall and weigh just over 52 kilograms.

Veronica, on the other hand, was as fine as a ripe avocado served on top of hot githeri. She was brown in complexion and curvy. The girls she was competing against seemed nervous and fidgety, she simply just stretched in her shorts, bending over and sideways, her movements showing off her figure. She was such a sight to behold, she deserved all my glucose, and I was ready to risk it all.

3, 2, 1…..GO!! A minute later my curvy queen was at the finish line, working hard to catch her breath. She bent over once again, this time with her hands resting above her knees. It was hard to find her appealing at that moment because she was coughing and spitting all over the place. I walked over towards her, strategically avoiding the direction where she was spitting.

“Would you like some glucose?” I asked.

“No! Leave me alone!!” she answered without even looking towards my general direction.

I understood her irritable behaviour, she’d just finished the race in the last position by far. I gave her two minutes to calm down.

“I have some water too, are you thirsty?” I was determined to make some conversation.

Now less angry, she finally looked up and with a sweaty smile, she retorted, ” Security? How many glucose thieves have you apprehended today?”

Recognizing the roast/humour, I let out a forced laugh. She followed up this up with a lovely giggle, “Hey, my name is Veronica, sorry if I was rude earlier.”

She was a month older than I was, so she turned 18 before did. She enjoyed watching shows about vampires and werewolves. Her dream was to become an air hostess and travel the world. Even at that young age, she was driven and she had potential. We wrote letters to each other up to our fourth year, and we kept professing our love for each other. We had even picked the names Victoria and Victor for the two children we were going to have in our happily ever after.

Unlike me, Veronica was not a virgin, she had had two sexual encounters with her ex-boyfriend Kenny who she had dumped after he was caught with stolen chicken. It had been a painful break-up for her, but we found each other, and love was in the air. She was my first kiss and soon she was going to be my first everything. We kissed and fondled each other at other school functions and during the holidays. We had decided to go all the way to the leaver’s bash after we had finished our KCSE exams.

As you can imagine, I did my KCSE with an erection that wouldn’t take no for an answer. I was about to become a man and the D day couldn’t come fast enough. I would often drift off during exam time and think about all the things I was going to do to her and the pleasure I would bring her. My research about sex at the time was limited to the X-rated Tv series, “Spartacus”. In my fantasies, I was always the valiant Greek god, my skin covered with the scars I had gotten from battle.

Fantasies aside, I was insecure because I was the one with zero experience. Sometimes I would have nightmares about Veronica leaving me for the chicken thief because I couldn’t get the job done.

“Did you buy the condoms?” my queen asked me as we walked into the leavers’ party. I reassured her that I had bought them at the chemist, but it was a lie. I had chickened out; I tried a couple of times to buy condoms in different shops but each time I got scared and asked for cakes instead. My best friend came up with a genius plan, he would steal a packet from his big brother’s stash and give it to me. I remember thanking the heavens for such amazing friends.

The plan was simple, make a brief appearance at the party then covertly sneak off to a nearby unfinished house and have sex there. It was finally happening!! I was finally going to become the Greek sex god I was born to be.

“Are you scared?”, Veronica asked me as she led me through the tall grass leading to the unfinished house.

I was scared, and my legs were shaking but as a man does, I cleared my throat and said, ” No baby, I got you.”

The setting was perfect, under the moon and the stars. I had the condoms in my pocket, my queen was standing in front of me, it was time. Veronica opened her bag, pulled out a blanket and spread it on the bumpy concrete floor. We sat down and there was a period of awkward silence.

“Do you have any questions about what we are about to do?” she shyly asked. Before I could answer, she added, “Kenny taught me a few things that might help you”

“Baby don’t mention that chicken thief, I will find my own way around, I have watched Spartacus!!”.

After much hesitation, I finally went in for the kiss, and within no time she was lying on the blanket half-naked, beautiful as the first day I had seen her. “Babe put on the condom.” she urged me as she ran her fingers over my chest.

I leapt over to where I had thrown my pants and carefully took out the condom from its wrapper. It was not at all as I had expected. I went to try it on, and it was two sizes bigger. A baggy condom!! I panicked, fearing that I had not worn it right, I took it off and put it on again…still baggy.

“Are you ready baba Victor?”

My queen was not aware of my predicament. My heart was pounding hard and I could feel my heartbeat through the sides of my head. All my bravado went down the drain when I saw what was written on the condom wrapper, “Size XL, go big or go home”.

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Brian Muchiri

Brian Muchiri

Brian Muchiri is a creative mind, passionate about meaningful storytelling that not only entertains but also positively impacts the reader. His style of writing is lighthearted and provocative, leaving his audience with deep introspection. Brian is also a disability advocate and champion for articulating issues faced in the disability community. He enjoys listening to music, watching documentaries and attending concerts.

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