We live in a time where having sex in relationships has become common and sometimes you may be confused as to whether it’s a relationship or not. When it comes to men and women, it is a well-known fact that we view sex differently. For many men, sex is simply just sex and can end at that with no strings attached. But as women, we are wooed a lot and sometimes there are maybe signs that either show you that it is simply just sex and nothing more while you may think it was leading to something else. Then there are times when you have gone through a lot of past hurtful experiences that make you more vulnerable or change your whole perspective on sex.
Here are a few pointers to show you if it will head somewhere or if you’re wasting your time particularly if you want something more.
1. Communication: You only talk when he calls and wants to meet up. The rest of the time, he ghosts on you and you may be confused especially if it was not agreed to be solely sexual. This is when you get that text with many winks in it and says I miss you and when you ask what do you miss about me, he describes your body like he had been studying it. After you do have sex though, you’re history for about two weeks and then he misses you again or if he still indulges you, notice his dull text tone. Before sex, he will probably be very interested in your life and even the colour of your new pet then after sex, texts end with him saying goodnight at 4 pm, like who even sleeps at that time every day?
2. Dating: You have never been on a date because the man insists on bringing food over to your place or cooking for you. He hits you with lines like I am such a great cook then because he probably knows your favourite meal by now, he will entice you by telling you he will cook that lasagna. Basically the only time you see him is when he wants to be around you because he wants sex. But he doesn’t want to take you out to meet his friends or meet yours.
3. You have only met his boys: So you have probably been on this loop for a while now and all you have met are his friends. Okay, you may feel special because of course his friends will tell you that they are shocked they have never seen their boy so smitten. You may feel exceptional and even tell your girls that you hang around with his friends even when he is busy at work. The main question here is have you met his family? I bet he doesn’t even mention them because he doesn’t want to remind you that he was not brought in this world by aliens and he has relatives, imagine he does! This should not affect you if you personally know that you would never introduce this man to your family, because he is also just your toy.
4. You see him mostly at night: So he is too busy to meet you during the day because he is perhaps the president’s assistant. He prefers meeting at night and takes you on a date in a bar only and has not bothered taking you to a restaurant. You try and work around his schedule but then again you see he is very busy so you comply with night activities. Do not be tricked into thinking you have been hanging out if you only see each other at night.
5. No mental stimulation: What do you talk about? The new sex position he picked up in a porn movie and how much he cannot wait to try it out on you. Does he actually put the effort in your conversations? If he is always talking about sex with you then he has most likely stuck on seeing you as an object. Try talking about your emotions and what is really going on in your life and if he says things like wow that’s bad. What is that? Your story should not be belittled just like that as a matter of fact if you know it is just sex, pour your heart out before having sex and watch him hold onto every word because you have something he needs.
6. No emotions: So at some point as a lady you might be incapable of hiding your feelings, so you start airing out some future ideas then he ghosts again. He comes back after a while with a simple text like hey? What have you been up to? You know he should have called sooner but he chickened out because he either does not want to commit or has a girlfriend somewhere. The proper players will simply friend zone you and tell you that they are not looking for anything serious then you see them on Facebook all like, in a relationship. Do not be alarmed it was simply just a ride for him but you deserve better.
You never really know someone’s real intent and whether they are serious especially when it comes to matters of the heart. You are responsible for yourself, know what you want and set some ground rules with the person you are getting intimate with before going there. If you are not into a casual relationship be open about it from the beginning so that there is no misunderstanding later.
Vanessa Raychael is a young writer passionate about writing. She is a student at Daystar University. She has written for the People newspaper as a fiction writer and she also hosts a show in a gospel station known as Vision TV. During her spare time, she likes nature trails, spending time with friends and going for events. You can check out her work on her blog nochills.blogspot.com