It’s almost mind-blowing to think how many people are into a casual hookup as opposed to a long term relationship. I had a quick lunch with my friends and one of them said her New Year’s resolution was to get in a serious relationship. Now, she is notorious for changing boyfriends like she changes her clothes but it got me curious as to how many people I know are in committed relationships. Turns out, that number doesn’t even reach double digits.
In Nairobi, if you hang out with a certain crowd, chances are you’ll bump into more than 10 people who have slept with each other. The rest are still coming up with their hook up plans. If you’re in the dating scene, then you know this hookup thing is getting out of hand. You can’t talk to someone without someone whispering to you, “He’s so and so’s ex.” or “he’s sleeping with so and so.”
Personally, I don’t like the idea of dating someone who used to date someone I know. It’s just weird but from the look of things, I either have to look for love in a different city or accept things as they are. However, this isn’t the worst part of it all. The worst part is how the hookup culture has made my generation avoid commitment.
A hook up is like having your favourite dessert without deserving – it’s not the same. Thus, fueling the need for more dessert. Once you know you can have the dessert without working for it, why would you ever want to work for it? This then creates a negative effect on relationships as more and more people choose to hook up rather than be in a committed relationship.
Additionally, hook up culture has cultivated a “hit it and quit it” mentality. Many people aren’t upfront with their intentions. They rely on hookups as an easy way to get laid without stating clearly that they are not looking for a relationship. I guarantee you if most people said this before hooking up, they’d have a long night by themselves.
This hookup culture has made it even more difficult for dating app users. Almost everyone who leaves dating apps complains that nobody is really looking for a serious relationship. I can attest to this. For the brief period that I was on Tinder, I met the most bizarre types of men. The most common text I got was them asking if I was down to hook up.
I would definitely blame the hookup culture for the decline in the quality of relationships. However, maybe hooking up is this generation’s way of masking other deep-rooted issues. There are other factors that contribute to the lack of enthusiasm towards committed relationships. For instance, many young people in modern society focus on building careers and relationships often become sidelines. For others, it might be a lack of money or unfaithfulness in past relationships. A deeper conversation among the youth needs to happen so as to really identify the problem.
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