There is a South African song that is called love is a beautiful war, with lyrics going something like this; ‘This love baby this love, this love is such a beautiful war……’
It is said that love makes the world go round, but no one ever foresees the break up because one is drifting in the clouds of love where anything is possible with love.
Dating is all about finding the right kind of person, and when you meet the one, deciding he/she is the right one for you. But at some point while dating you may realize that this is not the kind of person you want to share your life and you have to break up.
But how do you break up without hurting the other party or making the other person’s life miserable? We live in a digital age, before a break up don’t tell your friends, don’t post it on facebook or text or email anyone about your final decision. Wait until you find time to break up with the person before telling others who may surprise the person with the news.
Breaking up is never easy but it is something that has to be done if you no longer have feelings for this person or this relationship is breaking your heart, because maybe there is cheating or abuse involved.
We may end up staying in relationships that are not good for us because we fear we might hurt our partner’s feelings or we are hopeful that the situation will improve with time. For those who are married, they are worried about the impact it will have on their finances, their children etc.
If you decide you want to trade love for happiness and have made up your mind to break up, try to do it in a mature way.
Do not avoid your partner thinking that he/she will get the non-verbal communication that you no longer feel the same way. It’s prudent to communicate with your partner, to express how you feel about the situation and state things as they are.
Keep in mind the reasons for your decision to break up. The reason why you want to break up may look like a silly reason or move to the other person or others outside the relationship. But for you it is important to have a list o the pros and cons.
Have a conversation: every guy dreads the four-words, ‘We need to talk’. Ask your partner to meet you for coffee or lunch, don’t say we need to talk but simply ensure that your partner sees how important it is for you to meet.
Avoid making accusations: we are human and we may want to point a finger at our partner for the collapse of the relationship. Avoid the accusation that your partner wasn’t supportive but just say the relationship is not working for you. End the relationship but do it with compassion and kindness.
Those final goodbyes: Once you have broken up, just try and avoid one another for a while until you heal from the break up. Avoid goodbye kisses or sleeping together afterwards as it will only make things complicated. If you had shared items, find a way to divide the items.
At the end of it, if you are feeling heartbroken, call your friends who will be able to help keep you distracted and help you move on.