I love the Liverpool saying “never walk alone.” It is deep. It appeals to something inside us. Something that makes us want to be part of a community, knowing that we are individuals but also part of something bigger then us.
There are times though we walk alone. Like when we are in love. No one can understand how much we love somebody. There is no SI unit of how much you love somebody. You can measure commitment to a relationship to some extent but you can’t say that I love this person 100%. A 100% based on what.
It’s the same with heartbreak. No one can understand our heartbreak as much as we can. We usually love people based on different factors, respect, commitment, faithfulness, truthfulness, and finances. So sometimes when our hearts are broken it depends on different variables. I can’t trust that person because they did this to break my trust. I can’t respect this person after they did this. I can’t remain in this relationship because I seem to be the only person committed to it, I am there 80%, and the other person is only there 20%. This person cheated on me which I was not expecting. Sometimes heartbreak is based on one variable but sometimes it is based on many.
For me I find the hardest thing about allowing yourself to fall in love again is trusting your heart. They say follow your heart. The thing is following your heart is what got you in this mess of heartbreak you are in. so how do you trust your heart when its seems that its choice is wrong. They say falling in love is a decision of the mind. Maybe it’s true, probably it is. So then again there is my heart leading me wrong with emotions and my mind leading me wrong with logic.
Many people may not understand why you are reluctant to go into relationships again. They say you have trust issues. I think it is true. The thing is sometimes I think it’s not because you can’t trust the other person, it’s because you can’t trust yourself. You can’t trust that your judgment that was wrong before can be right.
Getting over heartbreak is a process. It’s very easy for somebody from outside looking in to think that you are as slow as a tortoise in moving on. But getting over heartbreak is not a chemical reaction in the lab, instant reaction when you expose phosphorus to water. For some people they get over heartbreak quickly, some it may take years.
The thing is I am learning to take it a day at a time. I am constantly growing and challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone. Right now I have decided to focus on my writing and professional career. But I haven’t ruled love out, well just for right now. I can’t deal with love right now. I wrote two posts Cupid pour me a glass of love and if love is looking for me, these posts seem to express contradicting statements. But that’s a human being, we swing on a yoyo of emotions, sometimes we want this and sometimes we want something else.
In the meantime let me walk alone, because for right now love and I are not friends.
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