Realization comes slowly,
As I shift memories through a sieve,
Like a gold prospector shifts through the mud to get nuggets.
I was in love with a ghost!
Once I was in love with a real flesh-and-blood man
But slowly in my mind, I built you up into a magical man,
Who could do no wrong!
Slowly you became less real,
More of a fantasy and dream.
You were my dream man,
Slowly I erased your flaws until you were translucent,
Like a photo changed with a high transparency level.
The dream of you became strong and the real you faded.
Maybe the fantasy kept me safe,
It numbed me from the stabbings aimed at my heart and mind.
Our relationship was a fantasy,
Opium of one love drugged mind.
My love was total,
Unyielding yet mindless like a programmed robot.
Through the haze of love, I sleepwalked,
Dancing and romancing with a phantom of you, a ghost.
Now like a spell has been broken I wake,
Realizing that I loved a ghost.
It was never real, this love,
It was just a haunted affair.
I was in love with a ghost, not the real man.
A man I created in my mind.
Raylitpoems 2011.
