Have you ever dated someone who is constantly waiting for you to do something wrong? It’s one of the worst feelings, especially when all you’re trying to do is make them happy. I had an ex who always thought I was doing something wrong. I understand that she had some insecurities. However, she projected them so much on me that I couldn’t stand it.
Betty was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. I had the longest crush on her but she was always in another relationship. She knew that I liked her but didn’t give me a chance. For two years, I watched her enter one relationship after another.
Eventually, she gave me a chance but she wasn’t the Betty I once knew. The old Betty was bubbly, happy and outgoing. The Betty I got wanted to stay indoors all day and barely talked.
I thought that she would come out of her shell after she got comfortable with me but she didn’t. Five months after we started dating, she still wasn’t as affectionate as I hoped.
“Buy her gifts. Gifts always work.” My friend suggested it after I explained my situation.
“That’s a good idea,” I answered smiling.
That same day, I picked a bouquet of flowers and took it to Betty. However, she wasn’t happy about it. She was actually angry.
“What are these for?”
“I just wanted to get you something nice.”
“Why? Did you do something wrong?”
“No,” I answered laughing but Betty didn’t crack a smile.
She just kept looking at the flowers and then looking at me suspiciously. She didn’t say much but I could tell she wasn’t amused.
I thought that maybe she didn’t like flowers so the next time I bought her a box of chocolates.
“Are you trying to make me fat so you can date other girls?” She asked.
Again, I thought she was joking but she didn’t laugh. She refused to take the chocolate so I gave it to one of my friends which was also an issue.
“What happened to the chocolate you bought me?”
“I gave it to my friend.”
“Which friend?”
“Sally.”
“Is that who you’re cheating on me with?”
“What? No. You said you don’t want it and I didn’t want it to go to waste so I gave it to her.”
“Why would you give it to her, though?”
“There’s no reason.”
“I think you’re cheating on me or you’re doing something wrong behind my back.”
“I’m not. Why do you always think I’m cheating on you?”
“Because that’s what every man does and then they pretend to be so nice.”
“I’m not like every other man.”
“That’s what they all say.”
“Let me prove it to you. Stop assuming I am cheating on you every time I do something nice for you.”
She didn’t say anything but I knew she wasn’t going to change her mind. Once someone suspects you of cheating, it’s very hard to get them to believe you’re not.
The only problem was that I wasn’t cheating on her. I would never cheat on Betty or any other woman for that matter. It’s not my personality. If I’m not happy in the relationship, I would rather leave than cheat.
Her insecurities made it difficult to enjoy the relationship. I wanted to make a good impression on Betty but everything I did was wrong or have hidden agendas.
At some point, I grew tired of always making an effort and took a back seat in the relationship. It was one of the most miserable times of my life. I’m not used to doing the bare minimum so I felt like I was really lacking something.
Betty didn’t seem bothered by it though. In fact, the less I did the happier she was. She preferred it when I cooked her dinner and watched movies with her. On the other hand, I preferred going out and buying gifts.
I tried her lifestyle for a month and I could feel myself slipping into depression. We hardly went anywhere and the only person I talked to was her.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I said to her one night.
“Do what?”
“Live like this. I want to go out. I want to have fun.”
“Are you saying that I’m not fun.”
“You’re fun but it’s not my kind of fun. I’ve tried to show you the kind of things I like but you feel like I’m doing something wrong.”
“It’s not my fault. The guys I dated in the past used to bribe me with expensive gifts and holidays then I came to find out that they were cheating on me and used the gifts to cover up their actions.” She finally opened up.
“I’m sorry to hear that but you can’t be suspicious of everybody. You’ve known me for years. Have you ever seen me cheat on someone?”
She was silent again.
I thought that I had convinced her to trust me but I quickly learnt that it’s not that simple to earn someone’s trust. I bought her a gift. That time, I made sure it was personal so she wouldn’t refuse it.
I got her a necklace with her name on it. She didn’t seem as excited as I hoped but she wasn’t upset either. However, she still refused it.
At that point, I realized she wouldn’t be comfortable with anything I did for her. Unfortunately, I’m a giver and my way of expressing love is through gifts. So, it wouldn’t work out with her no matter how much I wanted.
We agreed to end things and remain friends. Betty is back to dating the toxic men she used to date who actually cheated on her. For me, I’m in no hurry to get into a relationship. I want to find the right girl who enjoys the things I do and will appreciate the things I do for her.
Check out
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