Modern dating requires modern solutions when doling out rejections. The talking stage is one of the most painful, but most important parts of getting to know a potential partner. Like a filter, it helps you weed out people who are timewasters, bigots, unpleasant, boring, or otherwise incompatible. Unfortunately, when handing out rejection, most people prefer to just ghost. If you’re using a dating app, you may find yourself blocked or unmatched even when you technically did nothing wrong. Anti-ghosting may be the dating trend you need to get on board with.
Ghosting is the sudden ending of communication without an explanation. Anti-ghosting is telling people you’re no longer interested in them. It’s proactively sending a message letting the other person know that you don’t want to pursue them romantically. Being mature or considerate enough to express rejection can feel daunting. It can also feel like it’s more hurtful than ghosting since that’s the more culturally accepted sign that you’re not interested.
However, unless you’re both uninterested ghosting can leave the other party confused, hurt, and even worried. If you were leading someone on because you were trying not to be rude, the other person can assume the worst if you suddenly stopped all communication. Ghosting is also worse if you’d met in person and it appeared as though you’d really hit it off. Anti-ghosting helps show that while you are no longer romantically interested, you don’t wish to cause them any anxiety.
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How to craft an anti-ghosting message
Rejection can happen at different stages. It can be instant or it can happen after a couple of dates. It becomes even more complicated when one party develops unrequited feelings. Ghosting can be a very cruel thing to do in this instance. To craft a good anti-ghosting message, you need to be straight to the point, clear, and leave no room for double-speech. Don’t apologise for rejecting them. It’s ok that you’re not a match. Be more concerned about getting your rejection across rather than beating about the bush. You don’t want to be coerced into another date or further communication through guilt-tripping.
Anti-ghosting is predominantly done by text. Previously, if romcoms were to be believed when people were just not that into you, they’d send you a voicemail or call explaining that they wanted to focus on work or themselves. Nowadays, with how prevalent online presence is, someone can track your movements and see that you were lying about work and decide to ambush you.
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A text that’s a bit more straightforward leaves no further room for romantic pursuit. You can craft your anti-ghosting message depending on whether you want to end all contact or pursue a friendship instead.
Unless it would be dangerous to send a rejection message, here are some anti-ghosting texts you can use:
- I have had a good time getting to know you but I don’t feel a romantic connection between us.
- It’s been really great to get to know you but I think we’re not right for each other. I hope you have better luck meeting the right person.
- After some thought, I think I’m not ready for a relationship right now. It would be best if we stopped seeing each other. I decided to tell you now so we don’t string each other along.
- I feel like we have better friend energy than a relationship, and I’d rather continue as friends instead. If that’s something you’re not interested in, I understand.
Try to find the right balance between being kind and being assertive. However, if the other person was being rude, unkind, had major red flags, or showed signs of abuse, you don’t need to continue any communication with them.
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How should you respond to an anti-ghosting message?
Being rejected is sad. Even if you weren’t emotionally invested, being the one turned down can be a blow to your ego. If you have started catching feelings, it can feel like a sentence to loneliness. Anti-ghosting messages should be polite but they can be surprising as well. If you felt a connection, you may want to demand an explanation or prove to the other person that if they gave you more time, you could change their mind. Don’t respond this way.
How To Handle Rejection
When you get an anti-ghosting message, unless they’d rather pursue a friendship, it’s clear they don’t want to hang out or talk with you anymore. Don’t then ghost them in return as some kind of petty revenge, unless the message is unkind, then you can ignore them.
You can respond with:
- Thanks for letting me know, I hope we both find what we’re looking for.
- Thank you for not ghosting me. I get what you’re saying. Good luck.
- Yeah, I can see us as friends. We can talk sometime to see what we can do.
Don’t be passive-aggressive and send a thumbs-up emoji or an OK sign. Be a grown-up and thank them for letting you know. You can also give yourself some time to respond so that you don’t respond irrationally. It’s understandable to be emotional after a rejection. Sit with your feelings first before you reply. Try to forego the urge to demand an explanation, or respond negatively.
Think of rejection as a sign that someone wasn’t right for you. Don’t put all your romantic hopes and dreams on one connection. Try to have an enriched social life. You don’t have to juggle multiple dates at a time but understand that rejection is a necessary part of the way to finding the right person for you.
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