Losing my father was one of the hardest things that I’ve ever been through. He was like a best friend to me and everyone knew I was his favourite child. Ever since I was a child, we were inseparable. He would take me to his garage almost every weekend where I would watch him work on cars the whole day. I thought he was superhuman and nothing could hurt him.
However, when I was 25 years old, I got the bad news that my father had been diagnosed with lung cancer. The news hit me hard but I comforted myself knowing that my father was a fighter. I believed that he would overcome it just as he had overcome so many adversities in our life. However, as time went by, he only got worse and after a long battle, he succumbed to the illness.
“Dad isn’t doing very well. He wants us to go to the hospital and see him.” My sister said to me.
“Okay. I’m on my way.”
I had been at the hospital so many times that it felt like my second home. He had been admitted for almost three months and I’d go to visit him every day after work.
“You’re early today.” The receptionist said.
“Dad isn’t doing well,” I answered as I walked by her.
“I’m sorry.”
When I saw my father, I couldn’t hold my tears back. I was inconsolable and could barely say anything to him. My sister and mum joined me shortly after and we stayed with him until it was time for visitors to leave the hospital. Before we could leave, my father signalled that he wanted me to stay with him. We made arrangements with the hospital and both my mum and I stayed in the hospital overnight. He passed away in his sleep that same night as we slept next to him.
It was chaotic as his machines beeped which woke us up. The nurses came rushing in followed by the doctor but a few minutes later, they broke the news that my father was no more.
I couldn’t believe that he was no more. It was like I was numb. I didn’t cry nor did I say anything. I looked at my mum who was leaning on one of the nurses. We called my sister who joined us shortly after and helped console my mum.
“My father just died.” I sent a text to one of my friends who called me immediately. However, I declined the call since I knew if I started talking about it, I would break down.
After my father passed away, I knew that I had to take care of my family. My mother needed a lot of emotional support, and I had to be stronger. His family helped us plan the funeral which took a lot of burden from me and we managed to bury him the following week after he passed away.
Once everything settled, it hit me that I was all alone. My best friend was gone and I had no one to share my thoughts with. Additionally, my mum was an emotional wreck and I didn’t think it was a good idea to vent my feelings to her. So, I turned to a man who, before my father died, had been hitting on me.
I hadn’t talked to him for a month since my father died and I didn’t know if he was still interested in me. Nonetheless, I thought it was a good idea to go on a date just to distract myself from the pain I was feeling.
“Hi, Mike. Are you awake?” I texted him some minutes past midnight.
Surprisingly, he was awake and replied to my message immediately.
“Hi, Maureen. I’m awake. How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“My father died.”
“What?”
“I’ll tell you in person. Do you want to go on a date?”
“Yeah. When can we meet?”
“How about tomorrow evening?”
“Perfect.”
We chatted a little bit more but I avoided talking about my father. That was the point of reaching out to him. I didn’t want to think about my father. I wanted to feel affection and excitement that I hadn’t felt for many years since my father became sick.
The following day, I woke up with a new burst of energy. My mood had changed so drastically that my mother thought that something was wrong with me.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“Yes. By the way, I won’t be around tonight.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m just meeting up with a friend.”
She paused for a second then answered, “That’s fine. Call me if you need me.”
For the first time in a long time, I felt like I didn’t need to take care of everyone. I felt like I didn’t have any responsibilities and I was the one being taken care of. I even went to get my hair and nails done since it had been a while since I got pampered.
As soon as I met Mike, I panicked. I hadn’t been on a date for so long but I didn’t really expect how difficult it would be to try to go back to normal life. I realized that I had forgotten how to socialize and interact with other people without talking about my father’s condition. However, I gave Mike permission to stop me when I start talking about my father too much.
“If I start talking about my father, just interrupt me,” I said.
“I can’t do that.”
“It’s fine. I just don’t want to kill the mood.”
“I don’t mind if you talk about him.”
Mike was surprisingly understanding and patient with me. I tried my best to keep the conversation light but I talked about my father a couple of times. Mike was gracious the entire time but I knew that I had blown any chances of a second date.
In hindsight, it was a bit too soon to try to move on. However, I felt drained and I had to get myself together for the sake of my family. Even though Mike and I didn’t end up dating, the date helped me feel like myself again and he became my go-to person when I felt like I needed emotional support.
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