Potentash
  • Relationships
    • The Singlehood Series
    • Dating
    • Sex
    • Parenting
  • Lifestyle
    • Home
    • Food + Beverage
    • Fashion
    • Interviews
  • Stories
    • The Singlehood Series
    • Fiction
    • Poetry
  • Skin + Beauty
    • Skin
      • Skincare
    • Hair
      • Haircare
  • Wellness
    • Physical Health
    • Emotional Wellness
    • Mental Wellness
    • Social Wellness
    • Spiritual Wellness
  • Business
    • Business Finance
    • Personal Finance
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Investments
    • Personal Investments
  • Entertainment
    • Internet
    • Events
    • Music
    • Books
No Result
View All Result
  • Login
Potentash
  • Relationships
    • The Singlehood Series
    • Dating
    • Sex
    • Parenting
  • Lifestyle
    • Home
    • Food + Beverage
    • Fashion
    • Interviews
  • Stories
    • The Singlehood Series
    • Fiction
    • Poetry
  • Skin + Beauty
    • Skin
      • Skincare
    • Hair
      • Haircare
  • Wellness
    • Physical Health
    • Emotional Wellness
    • Mental Wellness
    • Social Wellness
    • Spiritual Wellness
  • Business
    • Business Finance
    • Personal Finance
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Investments
    • Personal Investments
  • Entertainment
    • Internet
    • Events
    • Music
    • Books
No Result
View All Result
  • Login
Potentash
No Result
View All Result
Nike logo just do it- with no added

Nike logo just do it- with no added Image from https://cutt.ly/KwqJOFqx

Opinion: Stop Advising Married Women To Have Sex Even When They Don’t Feel Like It

Nereah Obimbo by Nereah Obimbo
30 May 2023
in Sex
Reading Time: 4 mins read
5 1
0
7
SHARES
37
VIEWS
FacebookTwitterWhatsApp

“The intercourse which takes place between husband and wife after marriage
is not by virtue of any special consent on her part
but is mere submission to an obligation imposed on her by law.”
– Justice Henry Hawkins, 1888

There’s no shortage of advice for married or partnered heterosexual women about everything from how to save their relationships to keeping things spicy in the bedroom. For some reason, it’s widely accepted that the success or failure of relationships is based on the woman. One common piece of advice for women when it comes to spicing things up and growing a strong sex life is to have sex even when you don’t feel like it because desire will build along the way. Let’s talk about the problem with this advice.

Prioritize men

The reason women are encouraged to start having sex with their partner even when they don’t feel like is not because of considerations about the woman but about the man. Like all other things in a patriarchal society, this advice prioritizes men’s pleasure and centering their needs above all. Heterosexual relationships are set up in such a way that the woman makes the concessions and does most of the labour in the relationship. If the man wants to have sex, you find a way to have sex or risk losing him to somebody who will readily do so with them.

Ignores women’s feelings

This sex advice encourages women to ignore their feelings and needs. All the man wants and needs are all that matters. There’s no effort to interrogate why the woman doesn’t want to, just a focus on what that man wants. The woman is the one who must make the sacrifice, ignore her feelings and give herself. There’s zero expectation that a man would get himself off until such a time as they have dealt with the underlying cause of his partner’s low libido. What men want, men must get and women must find a way of acquiescing regardless of how they feel.

Feeds rape culture

This advice is the perfect breeding ground for marital rape and coercion. Rape culture is in part fueled by men’s entitlement to women and sex from them. This advice creates an environment that normalizes men’s perceived right of access to women’s bodies. The pervasiveness of this advice is coercive in nature with women being pressured by society and their partners to start having sex even when they don’t feel like or want to.

It encourages marital rape which is largely viewed as normal and until recently was not even considered a crime. It was only in 1991 that courts of England and Wales recognized marital rape as a crime. In the US, it was in 1993 that it was made illegal in all states. Under Kenyan Jurisprudence, Marital rape is not recognized by the Penal Code (which is the principal statute for the creation of offences) as a criminal offence because of the presumption that consent to sexual intercourse is given by the act of marriage.

Advising women to have sex with their partners even when they don’t feel like prioritizes men while disregarding women’s feelings. Any partner who really cares about you will seek to get to the bottom of your diminished libido, not have sex with you even when you’re not fully into it. If all someone wants is to enjoy sexual release, they can take care of themselves. All of you are adults. If someone views sex as an act of shared intimacy and mutual affection and desire, they would never be okay with their partner engaging in it because of some societal pressure to do so. That’s coercion. There’s nothing respectful or caring about that.

Check out

Opinion: Why Is Bride Price Still A Thing? It Is Time For Society To Abandon It

How To Cope With Sex Anxiety

Opinion: On The Age Of Consent

Opinion: The Problem With This Sexual Health Therapist’s Article About Sexual Anxiety

Opinion: On Men Have Needs And Women Withholding Sex

Share3Tweet2SendSharePin1
Previous Post

Career: Eight Ways To Successfully Make A Job Switch

Next Post

Opinion: The Problem With This Sexual Health Therapist’s Article About Sexual Anxiety

Nereah Obimbo

Nereah Obimbo

Writer. Youtuber. Filmmaker. Abolitionist. Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will.

Next Post
Rape culture and advice for sexual anxiety

Opinion: The Problem With This Sexual Health Therapist's Article About Sexual Anxiety

Please login to join discussion

Recommended

Travel: 6 Tips For Flying With A Toddler

Parenting: Five Tips To Help You Reduce Your Child’s Screen Time

28 January 2022
75
White microwave - with a burning flame inside

Lifestyle: Microwave Problems You Should Not Ignore

3 August 2021
162

Popular Stories

  • Book Review: Things I Will Tell My Daughter By Joan Thatiah

    650 shares
    Share 260 Tweet 163
  • Relationships And A Tolerable Level Of Permanent Unhappiness

    1558 shares
    Share 622 Tweet 389
  • Jewellery: 5 Reasons Why The Hilton Arcade Curio Shops Are A Great Alternative To Maasai Market

    890 shares
    Share 356 Tweet 223
  • Musician Crystal Asige Lost Her Sight In Her Early 20s But She Has Not Let That Stop Her From Pursuing Her Dreams

    2303 shares
    Share 921 Tweet 576
  • 6 Things You Shouldn’t Cook With Butter

    16 shares
    Share 6 Tweet 4

Potentash Blog

Potentash is an award-winning lifestyle blog. We publish lifestyle content that intersects with health, women, beauty, travel, business, relationships, finances and entertainment.

Explore

  • The Singlehood Series
  • From Stairs To Ramps
  • Man Around Nairobi
  • Pearls And Heels
  • Personal Finance
  • Food + Beverage
  • Editor’s Pick
  • Reviews

Get the Potentash Newsletter

  • Newsletter Archive
  • Subscribe
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact Us

Copyright © 2023. Potentash, In Partnership with Decima

Welcome Back!

Sign In with Linked In
OR

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
  • Login
No Result
View All Result
  • Relationships
    • The Singlehood Series
    • Dating
    • Sex
    • Parenting
  • Lifestyle
    • Home
    • Food + Beverage
    • Fashion
    • Interviews
  • Stories
    • The Singlehood Series
    • Fiction
    • Poetry
  • Skin + Beauty
    • Skin
      • Skincare
    • Hair
      • Haircare
  • Wellness
    • Physical Health
    • Emotional Wellness
    • Mental Wellness
    • Social Wellness
    • Spiritual Wellness
  • Business
    • Business Finance
    • Personal Finance
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Investments
    • Personal Investments
  • Entertainment
    • Internet
    • Events
    • Music
    • Books

Copyright © 2023. Potentash, In Partnership with Decima