I was feeling nauseated when we got back from the party that evening and I assumed it was the liquor. We were out celebrating his new job, so we had too much to drink. I threw up almost an hour later and I felt whole again. Tom had already drifted to sleep when I got into bed.
We met seven months ago on a camping trip. He’s a conservationist and had planned the camp at Oldonyo Sabuk mountains. I noticed him the moment we got off the tour van and he assembled everyone to communicate the plans for the trip. He’s articulate, smart, witty and most of all, concerned. He particularly showed utmost concern for this girl called Amazing who came camping in the company of her mother and domestic manager.
Amazing was the star of the show the entire trip and she took the crown on the last day of the trip. We’d just returned to the tents from hiking the mountain, when one of us, Peter, tripped and fell. Amazing burst out laughing uncontrollably and she wouldn’t stop saying, “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you!”. Her little hands held her stomach as she went down in stitches. Her mothers’ apologies made her even laugh more and everyone joined her in laughing, Peter too, except for her displeased mother.
“I just wanted her to appreciate nature and my field of study. I’ve never known Amazing could be this mischievous! I’m so sorry Peter.” Her professor mother offered.
“She’s such a sweet soul!” I murmured.
Tom had been standing beside me during our little laugh session replied, “We could have such amazing little conservationists together.” It was the first time we had a conversation since the day we arrived at the camp, so we exchanged numbers and everything else is history now.
I had just ended a relationship with this guy who couldn’t seem to have enough money all the time. I’ve had my fair share of relationship woes and so when Tom came along, I was certain that relationships weren’t it for me. But Tom is a charmer, I couldn’t deny how happy he made me, and the fact that I looked forward to seeing him, and spending time with him.
Our relationship took flight without my knowledge and things were running smoothly when we tested for HIV/AIDS at home and we were all in the clear. These results unlocked a new level of trust in us and we left caution to the wind. We talked about children, family and what we anticipated for our future together. It amazed me that Tom openly and freely talked about children like he couldn’t wait for us to have them. He talked about the expensive medical covers his job offers and how they weren’t being utilized because we didn’t have kids yet. I thought he was the one, from the way he talked and even conducted himself, but I was wrong on so many counts.
Tom had introduced me to most of his friends who showered me with compliments and praises. His older brother had actually said “You really looked for an expensive woman this time round!” in a local dialect because he assumed I couldn’t comprehend. He met my mother and siblings and he introduced me to his family too. I knew we were on the right path the day he met my mother and he was very respectful. Mama liked him and it warmed my heart.
I’m an open book, so our communication was always crystal clear. He had access to my phone, laptop and everything that I owned. It even got better when he moved in with me in preparation to relocate for his new job in a different city. The weeks leading up to his departure were fueled with a lot of drinking and carelessness, but I took it lightly, it must be the new job. When I got into bed that night, I began to wonder my clothes weren’t fitting all of a sudden and why my body felt different.
I bid him off at the airport the next afternoon when he left for Nanyuki and told him about the changes in my body. I felt better after throwing up again and I knew what I had to do. I had noticed my panties were unusually wet most of the time and I had a pretty abnormal discharge. The pregnancy test helped me make sense of everything, I was pregnant.
The joy in my voice was halted when Tom on the other side of the call sounded different.
“Eve, I’m not ready to be a father. I just started this new job, your career is in its infancy, and a child is not a priority at this time,” he said.
“But we talked about this, you wanted this babe,” I probed.
“Before this new job darling. How will we raise the kid when I’m away?”
“You could ask for a transfer? Or I could?” I offered.
“No. Eve, don’t force it. You need to have an abortion.”
“What? No! You know I can’t do that!” I said, tears flooding my eyes.
We got off the phone soon after and he managed to convince me to consider the abortion. He sent me money and instructed that I get to an abortion clinic the next day. I still wasn’t certain about having an abortion by the time I got to the hospital until I did a scan and my heart literally broke into pieces. The wetness of my panties was me having a miscarriage. To date, blood still gives me anxiety. I’ll leave the details of the procedure to your imagination.
Tom seemed relieved by the fact that the pregnancy wasn’t viable. He seemed to cared less about my health. I had asked him to call his sister and have her come to help me, but he refused. He gave me, what I know were excuses as to why his sister couldn’t make it. He also insisted that miscarriages aren’t necessarily the type of news to share with family and friends, so we should keep this secret between us. However, two days after the procedure, he sent me the coldest message ever.
Hi Eve,
Quit frankly, the vibe has been off between us for a while now.
We need to call it quits.
I knew there was trouble when he called me by my name because he had never done that before. From that day, he rarely picked up my calls or answered my messages, I slowly sank into depression, so I decided to live with my mother for a while, just for my own sanity.
In my loneliness, I decided to reach out to his sister. She seemed rather surprised that I had texted her and uncomfortable too. I immediately realized that there was something Tom had been hiding from me. I probed her and she confirmed my concerns.
Tom was too put together compared to his friends who had at least two children, a baby mama or wife. Turns out he had a wife and two beautiful daughters. Their youngest was born while we were together and barely a year old. This revelation stung but gave me the closure I needed because everything made sense. The calls he made outside and how he made me drink myself silly more than usual in the last month or so which was quite unlike him, he had something up his sleeve. He probably knew I was already pregnant hence the heavy drinking affected the pregnancy.
I had been going through our chats, trying to see if I said something wrong. I had even vouched to fight for our love, only to learn that I was going to fight for something that wasn’t mine in the first place. I’m troubled by thoughts that he might have intentionally taken me out drinking to ruin the pregnancy, but I’ve never wanted to raise my children without a father. I’ve seen my mother do it and I wouldn’t want it for myself.
Tom is still unreachable, but I think I’ve found closure. I’ve deleted our messages and rid myself of the guilt I was drowning in. I just want to know what he’d do if someone did the same to his daughter. Because why was it too easy to do it to me?
She Died While Delivering Our Child – My Ego Costed Her Life
The Singlehood Series: He Never Said He Loved Me Throughout Our Two-Year Relationship
She Had To Do What She Had To Do – Even If It Meant Breaking The Heart Of The Man She Loved
