Recent stories on Gender-based violence have highlighted the reality of the issue. Violent and abusive partners are becoming more and more or are that social media makes it easier for people to get information that people are being abused?
The problem is that it is not always easy to know that you are being abused. It’s common for someone who is being abused to believe that it’s their own fault and that they somehow ‘deserve’ the abuse. It’s important to know that you’re never to blame for the way an abusive person treats you.
Here are 7 signs of a violent or abusive partner.
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else (or a group of people) to question their own reality, memory, or perceptions. It’s a serious problem. You can end up in a cycle of not being able to negotiate your daily life in a way where you are clear-minded, can focus, can make sound decisions, and have a sense of well-being.
This is a sign of an abusive partner. It is aimed at taking the focus off the abuser’s behaviour and switching the focus onto a negative of the other party, which can cause extreme confusion and uncertainty.
2. Possessiveness
You don’t own anyone, you just get to experience them. When a person acts as though you are their property, then this is possessiveness. They check on you all the time to see where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re with. They try to control where you go and who you see, and get angry if you don’t do what they say. It is a sign of mistrust, and a relationship where trust is not established is an unhealthy one. Additionally, it is a quality of an abusive partner.
3. Disregard for boundaries
Boundaries should exist within the confines of any relationship, whether it is a romantic one or a platonic one. A partner that disregards your boundaries is a dangerous and abusive person.
Friedemann Schaub MD, PhD, author of The Fear and Anxiety Solution, explains, “When your spouse ignores your boundaries like barging into your home office while you’re answering emails or opening the door to the bathroom without knocking—it indicates that your needs and preferences are not as important as his, which again undermines your self-worth.”
4. They are controlling
You shouldn’t have to ask your partner for permission to do things. A controlling partner wants to dictate where you go, who you spend time with, and what time you go. Control can infiltrate itself into every facet of your relationship – financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally. While each area of control may look different, the constant assertion of control is a sign that your partner doesn’t respect your ability to handle anything.
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5. Physical aggression
There is no excuse for physical aggression or violence in a partner. None at all. There are far healthier ways to deal with conflict than to get physical. A partner who punches into the wall when they’re angry, or even worse, hits you, is an abusive one.
According to Dr. Moore, Ph.D., psychologist, another major sign that tends to fall on the early spectrum of abuse is forceful sex, Dr. Moore notes. “Forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to or expecting sex after your partner has spent money on you is not normal.”
6. Jealousy
Jealousy is not in its entirety a negative emotion. In fact, jealousy can provide us with important information about our true desires, clues about where we might want to turn our attention and get actionable results. The problem comes when people act upon the emotion.
An abuser takes jealousy to completely another level, and usually not because you actually did something to make them lose trust in you. Perhaps you do not get to go out with your friends or your family because you feel as though your partner will get extremely hurt or mad. They start checking your bank account and credit card statements. They track you with a GPS. This is not okay and may signal an abusive relationship.
7. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
When you’re seeing someone, you should be fully and authentically you. You should not constantly be scared of what they’ll think about you. You should not be anxious around them You should feel easy and at peace. If not, you may just be in an abusive relationship. Walking on eggshells and is a high indication that you are in an abusive relationship.
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