Yesterday I wrote an article on why you are still single in 2014! . So how do you move out of the friendzone into something more. My friend Ominde Ka’Wambura has the answer. Ominde seems to have the answer.
We all have people in our “friend zones”… people we would never imagine dating, not because there is anything wrong with them but mostly because we value our friendship more. In many cases they have us in the “friend zone” as well.
Of course the term “friend zone” has of late been a little corrupted but y’all get I meant the original situation where you simply can’t date a guy or chic because you care so much for your friendship.
But then how can you be lovers with somebody you are not friends with? Reminds me of the song “how can we be lovers if we can’t be friends.” It’s all confusing yeah?
I wonder how of late I have been writing all sorts of articles about relationships, I suck at relationships. Just like a marriage counselor who has a broken marriage. When I say I suck at relationships I mean all form of relationships from romantic ones to friendship to family to work – let me just say I have one of the worst people skills and I’m the last person you should take advice on when it comes to relationships.
But from all those failed experiences I know how hard it is to go into a relationship with someone you are already friends with. I always try not to get into the friend zone if I have my eyes on getting into something serous with someone because the “friend zone” is one trap that will take you forever to free yourself from.
Most of us fear getting into relationships with our close friends because of what usually happens when a relationship does not work out.
“If you can still be friends with your ex it means you are still secretly in love with each other or were never in love in the first place.”
As much as I know very little about how to work relationships, I for one thing know that you can never be friends with your ex. We have all tried it and it never works.
So many people are afraid of loosing their friendship when the “relationship thingy” doesn’t work out and so they would rather just have each other as a friend, have each other’s back and all but never “go down” on each other.
How does one break through the “friend zone”?
A platonic friendship is so effortless and natural that it is easy to let one’s guard down and become extremely close to another, without the pressure of having romantic inclinations. However, once that friendship matures one may be struck with the awkward realization that someone whom had always been considered “just a friend” is becoming something much more.
The best way to approach a situation in which a friendship is progressing into a romance is to firstly be honest. Communicating freely with each other will help a couple advancing to a romantic relationship from a platonic one avoid an awkward and potentially heartbreaking situation should things not work out.Maintaining the strong foundation of mutual respect and honesty that kept the friendship will provide a stable basis for a romantic relationship; and, should the romance fail the friendship will only disintegrate if both parties let it fall apart.
In addition to that when considering whether or not to take a friendship to the proverbial next level one should consider how soon one should become intimate (if that is one’s choice) with a friend turned lover. The idea of physical intimacy can at times be an awkward topic for friends-cum-lovers, and feelings of embarrassment can can crop up depending on how long a couple had been friends prior to romantic partners.
Finally when you are moving from friends to lovers, it is always advisable (from relationships experts not me) to take things slowly and maintain good communication with your partner. While is an exciting experience, moving too fast can be more harmful than beneficial. At the end of it all, a healthy friendship is important to any romantic relationship; being lovers also means being friends, regardless of whether or not a romance grows out of friendship first.
So the “friend zone” is not such a boring place after all – so hang in there, it might be your launching pad to romantic bliss. Be safe and have fun- do not be afraid to put yourself out there, because you could get back much more than you expected :-).
