Do nice girls finish last? My friend Sammy Kitoto did a post for me on do nice girls finish last too? Some people agreed with it and others didn’t. I have my own theories about why nice girls finish last. The question is for me is, are nice girls still relevant in this day and age?
To get some context let me start at the beginning or at a point. When I was younger and started going out there were no mobile phones. Guys had to be at the top of their game in order to get your number. This is because you knew that if the guy calls your house your parents might pick up the phone when the guy calls and there would be an inquisition later. So the guy had to be really impressive to get your number and be worth the questions of who is that. Never mind the fact that your parent would be seated there in the sitting room listening in on your conversation. So you never really talked on the phone. That would have to wait until you met in person. Your conversation would be monosyllabic.
A guy would take you out and be nice. Even if you both knew what he wanted he would at least try to wine and dine you a couple of times before trying to make the move on you. And if you were a “nice girl” you could get away with telling a dude you don’t roll like that, you either want to be in a committed relationship before going all the way or you were the church kind of girl and you wanted to wait until you get married. The guy wouldn’t like it but he would respect it. And when a guy was looking to settle down you’d be the chick he’d look for. A chick with values, who is not too forward etc. Nice girls, had it good in those days.
First forward a decade or so. You go out raving and decide to dance. This guy comes and starts trying to grind against you. Not even asking for permission. Or this guy decides he is going to buy you drinks. At the end of the night either of those guys will ask you to go home with them and be offended if you don’t. That’s because nowadays girls put out so fast. There are girls who will sleep with a man for a couple of drinks. Or for some cash.
We were having a conversation with a couple of my cousins. One of them was talking about how she had gone for a wedding out of town then they were hosted by a friend for the night for a bash. There were not enough chicks there. My cousin was with her boyfriend. The host called a chick he knows and told her to organize some entertainment for his friends, some chips fungas for the night. The girls came and they were campus chicks. And they were so unmoved about the fact that they would be chips fungad for the night because they would get some money from it.
Now here come the nice girls. They don’t want to put out on the first or second date because they aren’t easy. Or the nice girl is saved and she wants to wait until marriage. Some guys who take them out want return on investment. They don’t want to spend money that they cannot recover. And now these guys have chicks that are willing to put out for the price of drinks or for some gifts in form in cash or gifts.
Nice girls are mostly not aggressive about getting a guy. They believe the rules apply about chasing the guy. That they should be a lady and let the guys chase them. They had read all these books like Steve Harvey’s, act like a lady, think like a man. So they believe if they act like a lady the right guy will come. There’s no problem with that. It’s good to have those principles. Bad girls on the other hand see their target and run after him. What does it matter that the guy has a girlfriend or is even married? That’s a challenge that can be overcome. So the nice girl is sitting at home waiting for her phone to ring. The bad girl has several phones (bought for her by admirers) which are constantly ringing. She is being called out for “dates” all the time or she’s a mistress. Set up in an apartment, maybe she has a car and plots of land. All paid for by her man or men.
So these nice girls decide they won’t compromise who they are. They decide they will get a guy from church, a saved fella who will understand their values and appreciate them. Then these saved guys (some) also want some, they are human after all and sex is a natural drive. Or the pastor asks her to come to his office to discuss an issue and he asks for sex in exchange for blessings.
This nice girl goes to work. Her boss asks for some in order for a promotion or even for her to keep her job. She refuses; her boss frustrates her and even maybe fires her. She watches the bad girls in the organization rise to top positions faster then you can say dropped panties.
So here is the nice girl. A few decades or even a decade ago nice girls were relevant and even respected. Now nice girls are not relevant. It’s like virginity. Once it was highly valued and those who went to their marriage bed as virgins were considered very highly. Nowadays the percentage of women who get married while still virgins are very small.
So here are nice girls caught between a rock and a hard place. The choices to give out and have a man or men. Or to stay single because they are looking for a Mr. Perfect who has now become like all the other men. He wants some or he can’t be bothered. Or she falls for a guy who she thinks really loves her and she gets seduced. Only to realize this guy is cheating on her, or abusing her, or using her for her money. So many decide if you can’t beat them join them. Others decide I can’t deal with the drama of dudes, get a random guy or a friend they know to be a sperm donor. The girl gets a kid or two and fungas that chapter on dating. After all men are dogs right, they only want one thing, Sex. (Don’t kill me it’s not my expression.)
Why do nice girls finish last? It’s because the world sadly moved on and celebrates the bad girl. The good girls are now obsolete like typewriters. They are beautiful to look at and marvel at but not relevant in this time of technological advances.
PS. The writer is a good girl who realizes it’s obsolete now to be a good girl but decides that’s the way she wants to be. The above article is based on my observations.
Potentash Founder. A creative writer. The Managing Editor at Potentash. Passionate about telling African stories and stories about the inclusion of minorities. Find me at email@example.com.
“We're all stories, in the end.” ― Steven Moffat