Money conversations before marriage are never just about dollars and cents. They’re windows into character, communication styles, and the kind of partnership you’re building. When someone lies about their financial capacity, especially during something as significant as wedding planning, they’re revealing patterns that extend far beyond their bank account.
Here is a Reddit post by: Calm_Ad6711
I (33F) have been with my partner (32M) for 5 years. He proposed in March 2024 and we agreed to get married in December 2025.
He promised to cover 70% of the wedding costs and said he’d transfer money to my account whenever I paid for something. I ended up handling all the planning and bookings. By April this year, I had already paid around 500k (local currency). But when I checked, he hadn’t sent me a single cent. I kept reminding him, and he always said, “Yes, baby, after work.” I work in an accounting firm with over 40 clients, so I’m insanely busy and didn’t have time to double-check every day. But I trusted him.
When we finally sat down to talk about it, I found out he didn’t actually have the money. He planned to ask his parents or use future income, meaning he had been lying about having savings. All this time, he bragged about being financially stable and successful (he’s a lawyer), but apparently, it was all talk. I understand that people can go through tough financial times, but lying about it and letting me carry all the burden? That felt like a betrayal.
I decided to call off the wedding and the relationship. Now he’s throwing the wedding expenses in my face, even though I did all the work. My parents think I should go through with it since the engagement has already been announced to family.
AITAH for calling it off? I feel heartbroken, used, and honestly, fooled. And seriously, if you can’t afford to get married, why propose in the first place?
The Promise vs. Reality Gap
There’s a devastating difference between not having money and lying about having money. Financial struggles are understandable; life happens, careers fluctuate, and unexpected expenses arise. What’s not understandable is making promises you know you can’t keep, then watching your partner shoulder the burden while you maintain the facade.
When someone promises to cover 70% of wedding costs while knowing they don’t have the funds, they’re not just being financially irresponsible; they’re being fundamentally dishonest about their ability to be a reliable partner. This isn’t about being broke; it’s about being willing to let someone else pay the price for your deception.
The pattern here is particularly troubling: making grand promises (“I’ll transfer money whenever you pay for something”), then consistently failing to follow through while offering empty reassurances (“Yes, baby, after work”). This creates a cycle where one person is constantly chasing promises that were never grounded in reality.
The Labor of Love Becomes Labor of Burden
Wedding planning is already overwhelming under the best circumstances. Add financial stress and the reality of being the sole person handling both the emotional labour of planning and the financial burden of paying, and it becomes genuinely exhausting. When someone agrees to split costs but then disappears from both the financial and logistical responsibilities, they’re essentially turning their partner into their unpaid wedding coordinator and financier.
This dynamic reveals something crucial about how they approach shared responsibilities. If they’re willing to let you handle everything while they coast on promises, what does that say about how they’ll approach other major life decisions? Buying a house? Raising children? Managing household responsibilities?
The Bragging Problem
Perhaps most telling is the disconnect between public persona and private reality. Someone who brags about being financially stable and successful while secretly planning to borrow money from parents or use “future income” is living in a fantasy that requires their partner to subsidise.
This kind of performative success, talking about achievements and stability that don’t exist, suggests a deeper issue with authenticity and self-awareness. It’s one thing to be optimistic about future earnings; it’s another to make concrete financial commitments based on money you don’t have and may never receive.
When Family Pressure Meets Personal Truth
The pressure to proceed with a wedding because engagements have been announced publicly adds another layer of complexity. Family members often view called-off engagements as embarrassing failures rather than necessary course corrections. But here’s the truth: it’s far less embarrassing to cancel a wedding than to divorce because you ignored red flags.
The suggestion that someone should go through with marriage simply because announcements have been made treats marriage like a social obligation rather than a life partnership. This perspective prioritises other people’s comfort over the actual compatibility and trustworthiness of the couple involved.
What Money Lies Reveals
Financial deception before marriage rarely exists in isolation. It typically indicates:
Communication avoidance: Instead of having difficult conversations about money, they chose deception and deflection. This pattern will likely extend to other challenging topics throughout the relationship.
Responsibility shifting: Rather than being upfront about limitations, they allowed their partner to absorb both the stress and the costs while maintaining plausible deniability.
Reality distortion: Living in a fantasy where future possibilities are treated as current realities shows a troubling relationship with truth and planning.
Partnership imbalance: When one person handles all the work while the other makes empty promises, it reveals fundamental differences in how they approach shared goals.
The Deeper Question
The question “if you can’t afford to get married, why propose in the first place?” cuts to the heart of the issue. Proposals should be based on genuine readiness, emotional, practical, and yes, financial, to build a life together. When someone proposes knowing they can’t fulfil their promises, they’re essentially asking their partner to subsidise their romantic gesture.
This isn’t about requiring wealth before marriage; it’s about requiring honesty. A genuine partner would say, “I want to marry you, but I need to be honest about my financial situation so we can plan accordingly.” They wouldn’t promise money they don’t have while watching their partner stress about mounting expenses.
Trust as the Foundation
Marriage requires trust in countless areas: fidelity, parenting decisions, career choices, and yes, financial honesty. When someone proves they’re willing to lie about money, especially during the planning of your wedding, they’re showing you who they are under pressure. Believing people when they show you their character isn’t cynical; it’s wise.
The heartbreak of discovering this deception is real and valid. But the clarity it provides about your partner’s communication style, integrity, and approach to shared responsibilities is invaluable information that’s better discovered before marriage than after.
Check out:
Money, In-Laws And Conflicts: Here Are Red Flags When It Comes To Finances And Family
6 Moments When Couples Should Revisit Their Finances
Couples And Money: How To Navigate The Minefield Of Marital Finances
He Quit His Job Without Consulting Me And Then I Had To Shoulder The Burden Of Our Finances
