Hot tears fell on my cheeks. I could see my hands trembling as I picked up my phone. My body felt alien. An intense wave of emotion engulfed me. I tried opening my mouth, but I couldn’t speak. I could hear a voice inside my head nudging me to let go. Even at that moment, I knew letting go was the wrong choice, but I didn’t have enough will to fight this unsettling thought. I had been fighting for so long that I was tired.
They were less than a hundred metres in front of me. He had brought her to my house. One of us was mad, and the other was a fool. I wouldn’t be the fool on this day — not for him. My foot felt so heavy, but I managed to place it on the accelerator pedal. My main headache and his accomplice were right there. I could finally get rid of the ache and hurt him while at it. He needed to hurt as much as he had hurt me.
With tears in my eyes and a trembling body, I sped up. Then, just a few metres away, something snapped as I drove towards them. I swerved and hit the brakes. I hit another car’s front bumper, but not before I saw the look on his face. In a few seconds, we exchanged a look. He knew, and I knew that he knew.
Within minutes, a crowd gathered in the parking area. I quickly transitioned to the remorseful scene that would save me from facing significant consequences. I looked distraught, which calmed down the car owner. A neighbour had called him.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeated over and over. My eyes were red and teary, and it worked in my favour.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
“I just received some terrible news, and I got distracted. I’m so sorry for the damage,” I told him.
We exchanged contacts and resolved the matter. The crowd cleared, and I went to the house. The whole time we were resolving the issue at the parking lot, I kept looking for him in the crowd. He wasn’t there, and neither was she.
I went to the house, unsure of my reaction to finding him there. The door was unlocked, but he wasn’t there. He must have left in a hurry. His charge was still in the socket, and so were his clothes. I could also smell her perfume. It had that floral scent that reminded me of the time Always sanitary towels had a scented variation. I hated how it announced your personal affairs to everyone who knew the product. This woman’s scent reminded me that they had violated my personal space, amongst other things.
I was relieved that he wasn’t there. I took out the sheets and bedding and put them in the trash. I hated that living in an apartment didn’t allow me to burn them, but I needed to. I took all his belongings and put them in the trash. I went on a cleaning spree of the whole house. I needed to erase every trace of them. I took out the mattress, unsure of what to do with it. By now, I was out of the trance.
I sat down on the floor with a bottle of wine. The wine unlocked my tears. I was in physical pain. I was angry with myself. This wasn’t the first time William had done something like this. Our entire relationship was about me giving and him taking and giving to others. I had been Barbara the Builder with him. I saw so much potential in him, so I poured into him and took crumbs.
I was deaf when my friends warned me against him. Tired of hearing their ‘judgment’, I stopped telling them about our relationship. Many times, I didn’t need to because William did a good job of parading his actions. I would get videos and pictures from them.
“You deserve so much better,” said my friends.
I knew I did, but I couldn’t walk away. I became a full-time detective. I knew the apps to use to uncover so much. I became a financier, his mother, and everything in between in a bid to mould him into the man I knew he could become. He turned into my project, and he had turned me into a failure because this project was unsuccessful.
I had carried so many intense feelings for so long that I snapped when I saw him with his new woman, Sophie, in the parking area of my apartment building. I needed him to feel a fraction of the pain that I felt. Imagining him in agony that I had caused felt so good. It felt like a form of justice.
It also felt like I was crossing to the dark side. I was falling, but I had no strength to stop myself. Then, moments before the crash, I got back to my senses and swerved. I wasn’t going to let him take anything else from me. I saw the fear and shock in his eyes as I drove past them. He ran and didn’t even bother to protect her. That’s the kind of man he is—I guess.
He was in my house because it had better lighting, and he had a video interview. That’s what he said. I was out of town for a few days. I rushed back to give a good luck gift when he accidentally dialled my number, and that’s when I heard them. He must have figured out that I’d him or suspected as much because he was escorting Sophie when I found them. He was probably coming up with a heartfelt apology to feed me or an elaborate explanation. I knew his playbook and still got played.
I was lucky the damage was minimal, but I added that cost to the numerous things William cost me. I took out another wine glass. The old me was toasting with the new me, “To a William-free life.”
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