I find it hard to trust people once they give me a reason not to. Once I see any kind of flag that isn’t green, I’m out the door. However, I’m learning to be more accommodating to people’s shortcomings. No one is perfect and if they’re making an effort to be in my life, it’s good enough. I still have an issue with people who ghost others. Communication is a big deal for me so when I get ghosted, I hesitate to take another chance.
I knew Will from childhood but we weren’t close. We reconnected as adults and bonded over how much we’ve both grown.
“I knew you’d be a beautiful girl.” He messaged me.
“Really? Funny enough you haven’t changed much.”
“So what do you do for fun?”
“I like food. My favourite thing is eating out.”
“What’s your favourite restaurant?”
“I don’t have a favourite. I just like good food.”
“I’m a good cook. Actually, I’m a professional chef. What if I cooked for you?”
“That could work. You better prepare your best meal. I’ll be judging.” I joked.
“Of course, I must make a good impression.”
We stayed in touch for several weeks, texting and calling consistently. Eventually, I trusted him enough to go to his place for the much-anticipated lunch that he was to prepare for me.
“I brought the vibes,” I said, removing a bottle of wine from my shopping bag.
Will then brought two wine glasses and I poured us drinks.
“How hungry are you?” He asked.
“Very hungry.”
“Okay. The starters are ready. I made some samosas and spring rolls. For lunch, I’m making pilau then dessert… we’ll figure that out when the time comes.” He said then winked.
I didn’t laugh. I didn’t find his humour amusing at all. He always made sexual jokes which made me uncomfortable but I brushed it off since he was a childhood friend and probably felt like we knew each other.
Besides, I was trying to be less uptight which meant putting up with silly sexual jokes from time to time.
The samosas and spring rolls were delicious which made me forget about Will’s comments. We continued chatting as he prepared the food. The smell that was coming from the kitchen could make anyone confused. I could hardly stay focussed. My mouth watered and my stomach grumbled.
After an agonizing two hours, the food was ready. He served it hot with a side of Kachumbari and creamy sauce.
“Oh my God, this is so delicious. I’ve never eaten Pilau this good.”
“Of course, that’s why I’m on demand like that. I took a day just for you today. Otherwise, my phone would be going off every minute with orders.”
“That’s nice. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks. Enjoy your food. There’s more if you’d like.”
I finished my plate in a few minutes and went for more. After the second plate, I was more than full. I could hardly move.
We watched a movie as we waited for the food to settle. So far, Will was being a perfect gentleman which made me let my guard down.
“What’s for dessert?” I asked him playfully.
He caught the hint and answered, “You.”
“Okay.”
As soon as I agreed, his tongue was deep in my mouth. I could barely breathe. He kissed me so aggressively that I had a bruise on my lips. At least the aggressive kiss brought me back to my senses.
I managed to pull away and adjust my dress.
“Is something wrong?” He asked.
“No, I just need to go.”
He didn’t try to convince me to stay. On the contrary, he walked me all the way to my place.
Despite the horrible kiss, I was willing to give him another chance but he had other plans. Will ghosted me. He didn’t reply to my messages and didn’t return my calls. I looked like a fool calling and texting him multiple times. However, I was interested in him and chose to give him the benefit of doubt.
After waiting for more than a week, it became clear that he had ghosted me. I kept wondering what I had done wrong. Was it because I ate too much? Was it the kiss? Then I remembered what a friend told me after I had been ghosted some time back.
“You did nothing wrong.” She said.
I kept telling myself that but I still felt a bit insecure. Being ghosted can really affect your self esteem. It was worse since it was the second time it was happening. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone again.
A few months later, I bumped into Will at the supermarket. It was really awkward but I tried to show him I didn’t care that he had ghosted me.
We exchanged pleasantries and I went on with my business but he kept following me around, trying to have a conversation.
“Are you seeing anyone?” He finally asked.
“No. Are you?”
“No. Can we go on a date?”
“We can but you have to tell me why you ghosted me.”
“I got scared. I thought I offended you when I kissed you. You changed your attitude towards me after that kiss.”
“I changed my attitude because you’re a bad kisser.”
“Really? I haven’t been told that before.”
“Well, then you’ve dated liars.”
“Okay. I’m sorry for ghosting you. Please give me another chance.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Do you still have my number?”
“Yes. Do you?”
“Yes, I know it off head.”
“Whatever.”
After that conversation, I remembered why I had an instant attraction to Will. He’s charming, funny and he can cook. It’s hard to resist those qualities. However, it doesn’t change the fact that he ghosted me and that is one of my pet peeves.
I’m still in a dilemma whether I should forgive him and give him another chance or count my losses and move on. Something keeps telling me that he’ll do it again and I don’t know if I can handle another ghosting. I’m going to take my time and think about it but the likelihood is I won’t give him another chance.
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