I find it ironic that the pressure to have more children mostly comes from people who have no business even being involved in your family life. I don’t mind a little suggestion to add another bundle of joy. However, the decision to have a child is solely up to the couple and if they’ve made it clear that they don’t want any more children, the conversation should end there.
My husband and I have always agreed that we wanted to have a small family. We had our first child when we were both very young which forced us to drop out of university and grow up faster than most of our peers. Thankfully, Fred took full responsibility for the pregnancy and prioritized providing for his new family.
Things weren’t easy but we were happy. We hardly had any problems in our marriage. In fact, we were happier than ever before. His business was thriving and I was eagerly waiting to welcome my baby into the world. However, I had one concern – my mother-in-law. I had never met her and I found it strange that she hadn’t visited us even though she knew her son was expecting a child.
“Why hasn’t your mother come to visit us? Isn’t she happy about the pregnancy?” I asked.
“Of course she is but I told you she lives very far away and has to be in the home constantly to make sure the farm is being taken care of well.”
“I know but can’t she even visit for two days then go back?”
“She’ll come and she’s very happy about the pregnancy so don’t stress yourself about that.”
We finally met a month after Natalie, our baby girl, was born. I didn’t know what to expect from the meeting but she was quite cordial. We weren’t friendly with each other but we could tolerate each other.
She stayed with us for a week which I appreciated since I had more helping hands in the house. However, I noticed how Fred’s demeanour changed when she was around. It was like he was a little boy. She controlled everything he did including when he went to sleep. I watched in amazement at how gentle and obedient Fred was around his mother but didn’t think much of it.
It was only when she tried to question my parenting skills that we started having problems. She made it seem like I wasn’t taking care of our daughter and that our househelp was doing most of the work.
“You’d rather marry the househelp if she’s the one taking care of the home.” She said rudely.
“Nyambura just gave birth. She needs to recover and since we can afford to hire someone to help us, why not?” Fred explained but it didn’t stop her from criticizing me.
“And when are you having another child? It’s good you started early so you can have as many children as possible.”
We laughed thinking that she was joking but she didn’t crack a smile.
“We aren’t planning on having another one anytime soon,” I said.
“What? You should get them while you still can. If you wait too long you won’t be able to conceive.”
“I’m 21 years old.”
“So? I want another grandchild.”
It was almost like my mother-in-law had foreshadowed our future. Despite our plans not to have more kids until we felt like we were financially stable, I got pregnant barely three years after we welcomed our first child.
I was happy but I knew that I had to take control of my future since I couldn’t rely on my husband to take precautions against pregnancy.
“I want to start taking contraceptives.”
Surprisingly, Fred was fine with my decision but less than a week later, he changed his mind.
“I don’t want you taking those pills. They could mess up your health.”
“We already have 2 children. Even if they affect my fertility, which they won’t, we have enough children.”
“So, you don’t want any more children?”
“Yes! We agreed we wanted a small family. We weren’t even supposed to have another one just yet.”
I knew his mother had something to do with his change of mind and sure enough, I overheard her on the phone talking about me.
“I told you to leave that girl a long time ago.” She said.
“She’s the mother of my children.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. She can’t even take care of her own children. Let me bring another woman for you who can be a good wife and take care of your home.”
“I’m happy with my wife.”
“No, you’re not!” She yelled then hung up.
After that phone call, I realized how serious the issue was so I decided to invite my mother-in-law and reach an understanding with her.
“There’s no point.” Fred tried to warn me. “There’s nothing you can say that will convince her otherwise.”
“She will have to compromise or she won’t be allowed in my home anymore.”
“Just be prepared for anything.”
My mother-in-law showed up as we had planned but she came with another woman. I assumed it was her househelp and welcomed them both in. I served them food and gave my mother-in-law some time to calm down as the kids entertained her.
After a few hours, she asked Fred and I to follow her to the balcony so we could talk in private.
“Why are you on contraceptives?” She asked in an eerie calm voice.
“We don’t want any more children,” I explained simply.
“Since you’ve decided to destroy your body with those pills, you’re no longer a good wife for my son. He deserves a woman who can give him as many children as he wants.”
“He doesn’t want any more children.”
“Who told you?”
“He did.”
“Well, he told me something different. That’s why I came with Claire.” She said then Claire came to the balcony as if she had been waiting for the cue.
Fred and I both looked confused.
“Claire is your new wife. She’s still young and fertile and she knows how to take care of a home.”
Claire smiled and we both burst out laughing.
“Mum, you’ve gone too far. It’s either you accept our decisions or you won’t be welcomed back to our home anymore.” Fred finally stood up for me.
“You’re disrespecting me because of a girl who can’t give you another child.”
The two left but it wasn’t the last time that my mother-in-law tried to bring another woman for my husband. She even tried to find one who looked exactly like me which only made me realize that she simply didn’t like me and that she was willing to replace me, the mother of her grandchildren, with my lookalike.
We decided to cut her off for the sake of our family. After staying for two years without seeing her grandchildren, my mother-in-law changed her attitude towards me. She was nicer and though she brought up the issue of having another child, it wasn’t as often and she did it in a playful way.
I have a great relationship with her now because I set my boundaries and refused to let her violate them.
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