When asked to define dating in one word, Sharon immediately thought of words like ‘hectic’, ‘frustrating’, ‘confusing’ and ‘disappointing’. If you knew the kind of relationships she had had, you would agree with her. Sharon was a girl who was in love with love — a lover girl. She was sweet and put herself out there, hoping to find love despite being heartbroken many times.
There was the guy who she really liked and went on four dates with, but he said she was too available. Struggling to understand what ‘too available’ meant, she asked him to explain, and it turned out that she never seemed to have alternative plans when asked out and always responded to him quickly as though she was jobless. She had an office job and a side hustle.
But Sharon, the gallant love soldier, wasn’t deterred by the remarks of a man who didn’t understand that you make time for what you love. So, she went out there to find better. Her search led her to dating apps. The gorgeous girl got a number of matches. She picked out two contenders. The transition from communicating on the app to using her phone number saw one get chopped from the list, so she was left with one guy. They had been enjoying each other’s conversations until Sharon asked him out since he was taking too long to make plans for a date.
Sharon hated relying on others to do things and was a go-getter. She liked the man and wanted to steer the relationship and hopefully nudge him to pick up his pace. It turned out the man thought she was too straightforward. He enjoyed the chase. The man was the seventy-seventh frog on Sharon’s list.
She had a few more failed talking stages when she finally decided to change tact. Her commitment to finding love was unshaken by the setbacks, but it was evident that something was wrong. A few times, thoughts like, “I am the problem,” crept up, but she fought them. The next smart thing to do was to ask experts how to go about the issue.
The search for the most helpful material on relationships started. Armed with the internet and research skills, she settled on two books and a couple of podcasts. A burning question for her was, “What do men want?” She was invested in learning how men think so that she could avoid feedback similar to what she had experienced. As she was consuming all this knowledge on men’s desires and thinking, she met Ray.
There was something about the stylish light grey cardigan that he wore the day they met that made him so attractive to her. He looked like the kind of guy who was keen on details. The grey cardigan was paired with navy blue khakis and a circular neck crisp white t-shirt. He had a silver watch too. It didn’t look like he had picked the first thing in his closet. Ray also had a presence, and he made an impression on Sharon.
They had an instant connection and continued conversing even after the event where they met. Sharon could hold a conversation, which appealed to Ray. After a week of talking, Ray asked her out. Instinctively, Sharon typed that she would be glad to meet him the following day, but before she could hit ‘send’, a thought crossed her mind. Between the expert relationship advice she was consuming and the feedback from her exes, she labelled this as part of a pattern. It was such responses that made her look too available.
She immediately deleted the message and lied that she was on an intense project at work which required them to work continuously for thirty days. It meant they couldn’t meet for a month — at least, that was what she told Ray. The truth was, she was very attracted to Ray, but she was determined to follow the 90-day rule and not look too available. She made sure that she didn’t respond to his messages too fast or give the impression that she was available.
The first month passed, and she had a new challenge: to avoid Ray until the ninety days were over. She didn’t tell Ray about it either, but she hoped she was getting it right this time. In the second month of the wait, they agreed to meet for lunch. It was a safe choice. Sharon thought the lunch went well, and they met again. This time, they had dinner, which included a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Ray dropped off Sharon, and as they kissed goodbye, they had a short conversation.
“Do you want me to come in?” Ray asked Sharon.
“I would but I’d like us to follow the 90 day rule,” responded Sharon.
“I see, no probem,” Ray responded.
His answer caught Sharon off guard. She had expected him to put up a fight and try to convince her otherwise. Ray’s reaction was Sharon’s undoing. She gave the green light to physical intimacy. Once they were done, Ray left. Sharon tried calling him later to ask whether he had gotten home safely, but he didn’t pick up. She kept texting and calling, but he was unresponsive.
While he was ignoring her, he was putting up posts, so Sharon knew that she had been ghosted. That one hurt more than the rest. She had been trying to get it right and went the extra mile. Although she was unable to get to the 90-day mark, she had played hard to get, only for it to backfire.
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