As a woman, they often tell you, “Get a man who can provide for you.” But they also tell you, “A woman needs to have her own money.” Both statements make sense, but they don’t tell you many other factors come into play when trying to follow well-intentioned advice, like the man you’re dating. Vanessa found herself questioning her position on a man providing for her.
They met at her godchild’s first birthday party. Vanessa had known Angela and Josh for years and had watched their relationship grow and culminate into marriage. Then they became parents to a handsome boy. Naturally, Angela chose Vanessa as the godmother because she had been by her side. Josh was a pilot, and so were most of his friends. Mwendwa was one of Josh’s guests and friends at the child’s party.
The first birthday party focuses mainly on the parents and their friends, so there was a lot of merry-making. Mwendwa found Vanessa refilling her glass, and he offered to do it for her.
“May I?” He asked her. She smiled, expressing gratitude.
“Are you Angela’s sister?” He asked her.
“We’ve been friends for so long, we might as well be sisters,” Vanessa responded.
“Godmother is a huge responsibility,” he remarked.
“And a huge honour for me. Josh and Angela have been like my family,” Vanessa said, smiling as she looked at the couple.
“So do you have one?” Mwendwa asked.
“Not yet, but hopefully someday I can have a child and a beautiful family as they do,” Vanessa responded.
“Sounds like you have thought about it.”
“I have. What about you?” Vanessa asked Mwendwa.
“With my job, I travel a lot so starting a family has been challenging,” he responded.
“Oh you’re a pilot as well?”
“Yes, I am. I work with Josh,” Mwendwa answered.
“Well, if he’s been able to make it work, I’m sure you can to,” Vanessa replied.
“So what do you do for a living Vanessa?”
“I work for a lifestyle magazine,” said Vanessa.
They spent the evening talking about everything. Later Mwendwa inquired about her from Josh. Vanessa was excited about Mwendwa too, and she shared her thoughts with Angela the following day. They were going out on dates and spending time together within no time. All Vanessa would talk about was Mwendwa. He was a lover of life and adventurous. They were always trying out new things and going to different places.
Vanessa’s excitement and energy were reflected in her work too. She was filled with creative energy and got many compliments at work. Her bosses noticed it too. While her job didn’t pay as much as she would have wanted, she enjoyed it. It allowed her to pay her bills and funded a few hobbies. Her lifestyle was one of the areas they had divergent ideas about with Mwendwa.
Mwendwa lived large, and his job supported it, so he couldn’t understand why Vanessa was happy with what he termed ‘simple’. He wanted her to move to a different neighbourhood and even offered to pay, but Vanessa felt it was too soon to make such moves. Mwendwa shelved the discussion for the sake of peace.
Weeks later, he decided to take leave for two weeks and expected that she would be available. Unfortunately, Vanessa couldn’t take time off work. Mwendwa was so disappointed because he had made plans for them. Coincidentally, Vanessa was given an extra workload, so she was also hardly available in the evenings.
Angry at the turn of events, Mwendwa asked her how much she was making. Vanessa thought they were conversing like a couple, and she even expressed hope that with the added responsibilities, she would soon be making more. To her surprise, Mwendwa asked why she would let a job that paid her that amount deny her the chance to have a life outside work.
Vanessa was too angry to respond. She ignored her phone and buried herself deeper in work. Later on, she confronted Mwendwa over his comment, and while he was sorry that she felt hurt, he argued that he thought she deserved more. He also told her that she was now dating him and he could take care of her, so she didn’t need to stress herself with work as she did.
After that incident, something changed. Before that, Vanessa appreciated him taking care of some of her bills, but after that conversation, it felt like he did it because she was his charity. At some point, when he wanted to go out partying, and she declined because she had work the following day, he would ask her to call in sick.
His constant disrespect for her job continued to bother her because she was so proud of what she did. It became a recurring argument then one day, Mwendwa commented that he could easily give her the amount she made in a month as her girlfriend allowance because that way, they’d have more time together. Vanessa argued that it wasn’t just about the pay to which Mwendwa responded that she was a woman, so she’d still end up being taken care of by her man. She couldn’t put up with his attitude towards the issue much longer, so she ended things.
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Featured image from Freepik.
