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The Singlehood Series: The Date Who Couldn’t Keep His Eyes Off Other Women

Black man admiring his date. Image from https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2013/06/12/188643185/for-black-singles-a-big-gender-split-on-views-of-long-term-relationships

The Singlehood Series: The Date Who Couldn’t Keep His Eyes Off Other Women

I never thought that he would turn out to be a womanizer.

Singlehood Series by Singlehood Series
31 March 2023
in The Singlehood Series
Reading Time: 5 mins read
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Brian and I had known each other for a while. We were university friends but nothing happened between us when we were in school. However, I knew that he had a crush on me since he never spend time with other women except me. I always enjoyed his company so when we finished school, I decided to give him a chance. We went on a few dates but things didn’t work out so we remained friends. He didn’t give up on pursuing me, though. He constantly checked in on me and I’d entertain his flirtatious advances from time to time.

From the beginning, I knew that Brian wasn’t the woman type. He spent most of his days in his hostel or the library when he wasn’t with me or his friends. This was one of the reasons I liked him so much. He was so different from the guys I met on campus who chased every girl they saw. After campus, he moved back to his home county where he established a business.

We didn’t see each other as often but we talked almost every day. Then, one of our mutual friends from campus told me that he had gotten a girl pregnant.

“He’s a dad now.” The guy said.

I was shocked but I also found it funny. I couldn’t even picture him flirting with women let alone getting one pregnant. Nonetheless, I was happy for him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you have a child?” I asked him during our usual phone calls.

He was silent since he didn’t expect me to know about it.

“Who told you?” He asked.

“That doesn’t matter. Why were you keeping it a secret?”

“I wasn’t. I found out about 2 months before the child was born. The girl didn’t tell me.”

He insisted that he didn’t have a relationship with her and that he would only take care of his child. I didn’t want to pry too much into his private life so I accepted his explanation. Besides, we weren’t dating so it was none of my business. We continued keeping in touch though we weren’t as close as we were before.

For two years, Brian ghosted me then all of a sudden he pooped back into my life as if nothing had happened.

“How’s the kiddo?” I asked him.

“He’s fine but let’s not talk about that.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Us. You know I’ve always liked you. I don’t like a lot of women but I fell for you. You’re the one.” He said.

“Thanks but you’re a dad now. You know that’s a deal breaker for me.”

“I told you not to talk about that. Let me prove that I’m the guy for you.” He insisted.

He then offered to pay for my flight ticket so I could go and visit him that weekend. I can’t say no to a free flight so I accepted. He sent me the money and I started preparing for my trip. I didn’t know what to expect since I hadn’t seen him in almost three years but I knew he wasn’t a dramatic man so I wouldn’t be in any trouble.

He came to pick me up at the airport and we embraced like long-lost lovers. I had truly missed him and it seemed like he felt the same. After quick pleasantries, we walked to his car and headed to the hotel room that he had booked for me. I checked in and he went to the restaurant to wait for me to freshen up. I got ready and headed to the restaurant where Brian was talking to two women. They quickly left as soon as I joined the table.

“Who are those?” I asked.

“Just some friends.” He replied.

“This is so unlike you. You never used to talk to women.”

“And you? Aren’t you a woman?”

“I was the only woman you talked to.”

“How do you know?”

He had a point. After learning that he had a child, I realized that Brian was really good at keeping secrets.

As we were having dinner, I noticed that he was so distracted. He kept looking around and barely made conversation. It was very unlike him since I was used to his undivided attention especially since I hadn’t seen him in years.

When I looked back, I finally saw what was distracting him. There was a group of women seated right across from our table and they captured his attention. I found it funny at first but it stopped being funny.

“Are you going to pay attention or should I leave?” I asked, slightly irritated.

“Oh, what were you saying?” He asked, still distracted.

I spent the whole night trying to get his attention but it was futile. Eventually, I gave up and went back to my hotel room leaving Brian at the restaurant. After a few hours, I heard a knock on my door but I didn’t open it.

“It’s me. Open up.” Brian said.

I didn’t open the door and he kept knocking for almost 30 minutes before leaving. The following day, I woke up early, had my breakfast in the hotel room and left before Brian came. I was genuinely scared of him since he had been acting very weird. I was so relieved when I got back to my place.

Brian called later that day but I didn’t answer. He then sent a text apologizing for the way he acted the previous night and blamed it on the alcohol. However, I knew he was lying since I had seen him when he was intoxicated and he never acted the way he did that night. There was something wrong with him and even though I was worried about him, I couldn’t be around him anymore since it could put my life in danger.

I cut off all ties with him, blacked him on all platforms and acted like he didn’t exist. A few months after that incident, a friend of mine informed me that Brian was getting married to the mother of his child. The events of that night finally made sense. He must have been under a lot of stress and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

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