The days when men sat at the pub or paced the hospital waiting rooms waiting for news of the arrival of their babies are largely behind us. These days, dads are active participants in all things child-bearing and child-rearing-related. They are involved from conception to doctor’s visits to Lamaze classes, the labour process, caring for infants, and nailing complex hairstyles. Here are some tips to survive the delivery room for new dads.
Try not to pass out
Try.
Understand the birthing process
Prepare for the delivery room by learning about the birthing process. If you’re able to, take a childbirth class. After completing a class, partners should among others be able to:
- Identify and navigate the stages of labour
- Help with pain coping
- Participate in the decision-making process
- Support their partner and the baby right after delivery
- Understand what all the machines in the hospital room are
If you’re not able to take a class, the internet and whatever books you can get your hands on are your friend. Pregnancy books for dads may be especially helpful. Being prepared reduces shocks and surprises and gives you a measure of confidence going in.
It may help to talk to other dads in your circle for some real-world experience of what it was like for them their first and subsequent times in the delivery room, and after, because the job is only just beginning.
Find out what she expects from you
Talk beforehand about what she expects from you in the delivery room. The last thing you want is to be the guy who was busy recording the thing when all she wanted was for you to hold her hand. Discuss what pictures or videos you’ll want if any. Some important pictures that mom may miss out on include weighing, measuring, and getting cleaned up.
Know your limits
There will be blood. If you’re the squeamish, pass-out-at-the-sight-of-blood-type – no judgment here- maybe position yourself so that those things are not in your line of sight. You can still go into the delivery room, just perhaps stay near the head, holding her hand and offering support from there. Some practical ways to offer support are:
- Holding her hand
- Cuddling
- Offer verbal encouragement
- Massage her back and neck (after getting the go-ahead from her)
- Respond to her needs e.g., bringing water
Prepare to wait
Labour can take a long time so you’ll likely be in that delivery room for a while. Active labour can last four to eight hours and some push for anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. Be psychologically prepared for it to go on forever. You can bring magazines with you or maybe even bring a laptop with movies or music to soothe your nerves while you wait. This comes in handy for both of you during the early parts of labour before the real action begins.
One dad talks about the birth of his child who was two weeks late and had to be induced. The baby was born 3 days later but for those three days he had to watch the mom in pain and neither of them slept.
Advocate for your family
There are many ways to advocate for mom and baby in the delivery room. Protect the birthing space by making sure only people she has invited are present, no surprise aunts or mother-in-law. Get to know the doctors and nurses who will be working with you and befriend everyone who will be in the room.
Ask questions and be aware of everything that’s happening including what medication she’s getting, what it does, and what’s going to happen next. If mom needs something ask for it, from a drink to pain medication to the AC being adjusted because it’s too hot or cold in the room. When it’s time to leave try to handle as much of the paperwork as possible and listen carefully to the discharge and after-care instructions.
Familiarize yourself with the hospital
You’ll likely have visited the hospital a few times during routine tests. Make sure you know where the restrooms, restaurants, vending machines, and labour and delivery rooms are. You should also familiarize yourself with the processes such as check-in.
Plan for self-care
You need to take care of yourself so that you can be able to take care of mom and baby. You’ll likely be with Mom in the delivery room for an extended period of time. Pack a bag with:
- Clothes
- Toiletry kit
- Swim trunks in case you join mom in the shower/tub
- Small blanket, pillow, and warm clothes if it’s cold
- Cash and change for vending machines
- Laptop and phone chargers
- Camera and charger
- Food (snacks and drinks)
- Gum
- Breath mints
- Book
Stay calm and be flexible
This is admittedly a lot to ask given the stress and excitement that characterizes the labour process. Still, it’s important to try and manage your emotions which is not to say suppress them. Be flexible and expect the unexpected.
Don’t say anything stupid
One dad talks about going with jokes to lighten the mood and help keep things light his first time in the delivery room. Two things, he never did it again and he was as shocked as the next person that he made it out alive. You know your partner best, if jokes work for them, offer jokes, if arguing is what would work best to distract them, then come ready with that.
New-borns aren’t always cute
The good news is that they get cuter with time.
There will be yelling
If you get yelled at, don’t worry. It’s not personal and will make for great delivery room stories later on.
Live in the moment
It’s your big day too! Stay involved and remember that this is life-changing for you too.
Check out
6 Tips To Get Your Baby To Sleep Better
Parenting: 8 Tips For Soothing A Teething Baby
Men: How To Manage Being A Stay At Home Dad
Key Things To Do On Paternity Leave According to Dads
Parenting: A Guide To Surviving The First Few Months With A Newborn Baby
