Everyone and their grandmother has a theory about the signs to look out for to know a doomed relationship. Guess who just joined the fray? Wedding planners and isn’t it about time? They spend an inordinate amount of time with a wide range of couples whom they see at their best and their worst. I would venture to say, listening to their insights on relationships would worst case be moderately interesting and best-case most insightful.
1. The bride and/or groom get smashed at the reception or after-party
Every wedding has a person who gets well and truly sloshed. If any of those wasted people are the bride or the groom, the forecast is cloudy skies ahead. Having a great time at your reception is one thing, becoming blackout drunk, is another thing altogether.
Overconsumption of alcohol is an indicator that something is amiss. Alcohol is largely used as an escape from reality and its attendant difficulties and being unable to control your intake is indicative of a problem as well. In a situation where they should be present and celebrating, it is very telling when either or both of them are unable to control their drinking or choose to use alcohol as an escape or a way of masking some emotional problem. It is even worse when the bride or groom appear heavily intoxicated during the wedding ceremony.
2. Screaming matches are commonplace
Wedding planning is a high-stress affair from planning the actual event to accommodating the wishes of both families and dealing with the financial bits. So it makes sense for tempers to flair and argument to arise. Differences in tastes will definitely also lead to disagreements when it comes to making choices. However, if the arguments devolve into shouting matches, Houston, we have a problem.
Another communication-related red flag is if they do not listen to each other or do not take each other’s concerns or views seriously and are completely unable to agree on anything at all. Communication is critical for the success of any relationship and any problems on this front will seep into every other aspect of a relationship. The Marriage Tests By DJ Mo: Why Communication In Relationships Is Important
3. Going into debt or spending too much on the wedding
Weddings have become huge statement affairs and the pressure to live up to some perceived social standards is high. The higher the price tag, the more prestigious the affair. Couples spend a lot of money with some going into debt to finance their weddings. It is especially concerning if one of the two keeps bragging about how much money they are spending on the wedding. This is a massive red flag especially when you consider the fact that money-related issues are among the most common causes of divorce. Couples And Money: How To Navigate The Minefield Of Marital Finances
Money touches on every part of life, different personality types handle money differently and it is usually is very personal. One of the key things people in relationships should consider is how they individually relate to money. Financial Discussions Couples Should Have Before They Get Married
4. One of the partners doesn’t take part in the planning at all
Weddings have long been viewed as women’s domain and women’s day. This generally translates to many of the decisions being made in favour of the bride. However, if any of the couples do not take part in the planning process at all, that’s a problem.
This is a journey they should be embarking on together and it portends trouble ahead if the planning does not reflect this and if one partner appears to not care about the details altogether. It’s markedly worse when one of the two is visibly more nervous to the point of looking afraid. A relationship should be about building something together. If this is missing for whatever reason, the relationship is doomed to fail. 6 Ways To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship
Wedding planners say couples who split up to greet the guests are headed for disaster as are those who treat the wait staff poorly. It turns out people who are unkind to other people also treat their marriages poorly. Then there are couples who just look unhappy or scared or the rare one in which an ex suddenly appears either invited or uninvited. There are many signs of trouble ahead for those who care to look. Thankfully, wedding planners have done some looking for us.
Here’s to making whatever changes we need to in order to strengthen our relationships from trying to understand how we each relate with money to good old communication and working together to build something great.
If your marriage or relationship is in trouble you should consider couples counselling. Here are Ways To Prepare For Couples Counselling
Here are 5 Relationship Stages All Long-Term Couples Go Through. Also check out Marriage: The Importance Of A Prenuptial Agreement And The Things To Include …. and Relationships: 8 Daily Habits Of Happy Couples
Here’s a great piece on 7 Acts of kindness to practice in your relationship.