Most parents dread the idea of giving a sex talk. The idea of speaking to your children about intercourse is hard especially if you are an African parent. Until recently discussing sexuality has been taboo to talk about in the open but with the rising exposure to the internet at an early age for that matter, these things need to be talked about. A conversation about sex should happen first at home so you can lay a foundation for how your children perceive sex. Having the dreaded sex talk will set a pace and your children will be able to sieve out the lies being peddled by the society at large.
Experts recommend you consider buying a children’s book on sexuality to guide you through the tougher topics and, when possible, broach a sex-related subject in terms of a TV show or movie you and your child have seen, or a book he or she has read. The goal is to inform and protect your children while making them feel good — not ashamed — of their bodies. Parent24
Here are a few other things you need to talk about.
1. Body Image. As children grow older they become worried about how they look. It is important to ensure that you reassure them of their positive body image. Find out which parts they are uncomfortable with and reassure them that they are normal and teach them to love themselves as they are. Children need to be comfortable in their own skin.
2. Personal space. You need to define what personal space is for you and your children. By respecting their boundaries you help them establish which places they allow people to touch and which places they do not. Children will live according to how they see their parents live, teach them to knock before going into a room, and teach them how to bathe themselves at an early age.
Kids need to understand from when they are young that nobody is allowed to touch their private parts. If there are exceptions to the rules – like the doctor is allowed to touch their private parts in case of an exam – parents should make that clear. But even then parents should be present if the child is really young or they should make it clear what is or is not proper in terms of touch (nowadays doctors have also been found to sexually abuse children so it is important for a child to know what is acceptable and what is not. Teach your child to tell you if they have been touched in their private parts by an adult.
3. Choice. The whole idea of teaching children about sex and sexuality is to empower them not to rebuke them. Advise them that they have a choice on who they are and what they want to be. As you give those guidelines on the importance of waiting to be ready before having sex you also need to acknowledge that it is their choice and not yours.
4. Personal hygiene. Body image is an important part of growing up, of sexuality and sex. Teach your child the importance of hygiene and proper sanitation. Growing up is a confusing thing for your child, especially at the stages of adolescence, they might lose touch with the most basic parts of themselves. Maintaining personal hygiene is one way that they can actually control how they perceive themselves and how others perceive them.
Having a talk with your child should be a comfortable thing for both you and your child. It is important to ask if they are comfortable talking to you, and if they are not comfortable you can ask them to tell you when they are. It is ironic to talk about personal space when you don’t respect theirs.