It’s really shocking how quickly men move on. I don’t understand how they do it. Do they not care as much as women do? Do they have a special power to recover from a heartbreak faster than women do? I may never know the answers to these questions but every now and then, I’m reminded that men are not like us in the love department. The one that shocked me the most was a guy who matched with me on Tinder only for me to find out that he had recently lost his pregnant fiancé in a road accident.
I don’t use dating sites much but I was on a dry spell and I needed some attention. So, I logged into my Tinder account, updated my profile and started swiping. There wasn’t anyone that caught my attention but I swiped on one or two that were at least decent.
They were both a match so I waited for them to contact me. The first one was James who we didn’t hit it off. The conversation was pretty stale and I unmatched him shortly after. The other one was Charles or Chuck, as he referred to himself.
Chuck was more interesting and he wasn’t shy about sharing embarrassing stories. We talked about both personal and random things which made me feel comfortable with him. He was also keen on meeting in person which was something that I prioritized since these online relationships can drag on for months and even years without any face-to-face interaction.
“Are you free this weekend?” He asked.
“Yes.”
“I want to take you out for lunch.”
“Okay. Let me know where and what time.”
“You pick the place. Send me three places you’ve always wanted to go and we’ll try them.” He suggested.
I didn’t know whether Chuck was charming or if he had dated enough to know what to say to make a girl fall for his charms. However, I felt hopeful about our date. He even offered to pay for my Uber which I accepted, of course.
We met at a picturesque restaurant in the heart of Westlands. I arrived before him so I ordered a glass of wine as I waited.
Chuck came 30 minutes later. However, I quickly forgot about how late he was when I saw him walking with crutches. He hadn’t mentioned anything about an injury so I was confused.
We exchanged pleasantries and then sat down as I waited for him to explain why he was walking with crutches. He didn’t say anything. Instead, he started asking me questions.
“Why are you still single? You’re too pretty to be single.” He said.
“I just haven’t met my person,” I answered nonchalantly.
“Am I your person?” He asked, still avoiding the elephant in the room.
“I’m not sure. Are you going to explain why you’re in crutches?”
“Oh.. this? It’s not a big deal.”
“I still want to know.”
“Okay. I was in an accident.”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay. Actually, the reason I didn’t want to talk about it is because my fiancé was also in the accident.”
“Fiancé?”
My heart started pounding in my chest. I thought I had wasted my time talking to Chuck yet he had a fiancé the entire time.
“Yeah. She died in the accident.”
“Oh my God, that’s so sad.”
“Yeah.” He said then went quiet.
“How recent was the accident?”
“About a month ago. I was actually discharged from the hospital last week.”
“Last week? You mean, you were on Tinder while in the hospital?”
“Yeah… I was bored and I happened to match with a lovely lady.”
“Are you not grieving your fiancé?”
“I have grieved enough. I need to move on.”
“It’s been a month.”
“Yes, and I’m ready to move on.”
He insisted that he had mourned his deceased fiancé enough and that he was ready to date again. However, that was a red flag for me. It didn’t seem realistic for someone to have recovered emotionally from the sudden death of their fiancé.
Just when he was about to convince me, he added more details.
“My fiancé was actually pregnant at the time of the accident.” He said.
I nearly fainted due to the shock of that last detail. His fiancé was pregnant. That would make the trauma worse since he didn’t just lose his fiancé but also his unborn child in the accident.
I was silent for a few minutes as I tried to understand how he still had the strength to go on a date. Despite trying to put on a strong front, I could tell that Chuck was hurting inside. He would look down whenever he talked about his fiancé and then go quiet for some time.
“Have you gone for counselling?” I asked.
“Counselling? I’ve told you that I’m fine.”
“I don’t think you are. You need counselling. No one is fine when they’re involved in a serious accident that claims the lives of their fiancé and unborn child.”
He tried to change the subject but I couldn’t let it go just like that. I knew he was either in denial or he was coping with the loss by acting like he was okay.
It took a bit of persuasion but I finally got him to admit that he wasn’t okay.
“I miss her so much. She was my best friend.” He said, trying to fight back tears.
I held his hand as he struggled to stay composed. It was a different side of him. So far, I had only seen his cool, charming side. Seeing him get emotional made me feel more connected to him.
However, I knew that we couldn’t work as a couple. He had some things that he needed to resolve and it would take time for him to be ready for a serious relationship. I wasn’t sure if I had the patience to wait for him.
We’ve remained friends and he always updates me about his recovery progress. He also keeps asking me out on another date but we haven’t met ever since that day.
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