Dating as a single mother has lots of challenges. First, finding a man who’s willing to accept you and your child or children takes time and effort. Second, during the process of finding the right man, you’ll meet many who ridicule your situation. I learnt to grow thick skin because if I took everything so seriously I would never date again. However, there’s one man who managed to make me question if I wanted to be in the dating scene. He came to my house with a bag full of groceries and his reason almost made me give up dating for good.
Harry seemed like a mature guy that I could see a future with. We met online and I quickly let him know I had two children.
“I just want to be honest with you. I’m a single mother and I have 2 kids.” I messaged him.
“That’s okay. I have a kid too.” He answered.
When he mentioned that he was also a parent, my heart skipped a bit. I hadn’t met a single father before so I thought it would be an interesting experience. Since I had good relationships with people who didn’t have children, I imagined dating a guy who had kids would be better. He would be able to relate to my situation and we would bond over being parents. However, I forgot that single mothers are very different from single fathers.
While I was the primary caregiver for my kids, he only saw his kids twice a week. I had to make sure that my children had enough to eat, enough materials for school and enough entertainment. That meant that I had to go through my groceries, toys and school supplies list weekly.
I had notes littered all over my house which was probably why my previous dates never came back after coming to my place. I tried getting rid of them but I forgot to buy so many things that I brought them back. Besides, I figured that the right man wouldn’t mind the chaos that came with being a single mother of 2. I, especially, expected Harry to understand and even sympathize with my situation.
After chatting for a few days, I was finally ready to meet the charming man behind the screen. I don’t like being sidelined, especially in public, so I invited him to my place for lunch. Additionally, I thought it was a great opportunity for him to see an unfiltered version of my life.
“Do you mind coming to my place?” I asked.
“Am I going to be kidnapped?” He joked.
“Not at all. I just don’t feel like dining out.”
“Okay. I have no problem with that.”
“What should I cook for you?”
“Pilau.”
“Okay. I’ll prepare it for you.”
The weekend came quicker than I expected. The week had been extremely busy and I didn’t have time to go to the market to buy groceries. Additionally, I started my period that morning and didn’t have the energy to cook. I wanted to postpone that lunch date with Harry but thought it would give him the wrong impression. So, I decided to order food from a Swahili restaurant.
The restaurant didn’t disappoint. I ordered at 11 am and by noon, they had delivered two steaming bowls of pilau with salad.
Just after they delivered, Harry called to inform me that he was in the neighbourhood.
“I’m 5 minutes away from your place.” He said.
“Okay. The food is ready.”
I hurriedly put the food in a dish and set the dining table then dashed to the bathroom for a shower. When I got out, Harry was in the parking lot.
“Come to House No. 4,” I said while getting dressed.
Two minutes later, Harry was outside my door holding a bouquet. We embraced like long-lost lovers before welcoming him in.
“The house smells great.” He said.
“Thanks.”
Then, he noticed my notes that were stuck all over the kitchen.
“What’s this?” He said, reading them.
“My groceries list.”
“That’s a lot of groceries.”
“Yeah, my kids are growing fast.”
“Speaking of, are they around?”
“No, they’re with their dad. Welcome in.” I said, trying to change the subject.
When he got to the living room, he found my notes. I noticed that his face had changed so I tried to explain myself.
“I didn’t have time to clean up. Juggling motherhood and a career is hectic.”
“Don’t you have a nanny?”
“I don’t like nannies.”
He didn’t talk much for the rest of the day which made me assume that I wouldn’t see him again. However, he asked if we could meet again.
“This was fun.” He said.
“Really? I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”
“Can we meet again?”
“Of course. I promise I’ll be more prepared next time.”
“Don’t worry about that.”
We planned to meet the following weekend for lunch at my place and then bid each other goodbye. That time, I didn’t wait till the last minute to buy groceries for the lunch date. I bought them in the middle of the week and kept them ready. I also took a day off on Friday so I could clean up the house.
“I’m here.” He said over the phone and I ran over to the door excitedly.
Like before, he was holding something in his hand but it wasn’t flowers. It was a huge shopping bag.
“This is for you.” He said while handing me the bag.
“What’s this?”
“Groceries. I noticed you didn’t have anything in your house and figured you needed groceries more than flowers.” He explained.
I didn’t know whether to be happy or offended.
“I have enough groceries but thank you.”.
The lunch date was so awkward. Harry tried to make conversation but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. He finally got the message and left. We didn’t have another date.
As a single mother, I was already defensive about my parenting abilities so when Harry brought me groceries because I “didn’t have anything in my house”, it felt like he was judging me or trying to insult me indirectly.
I’ll never know his true intentions but I’m sure he wasn’t just being nice or helpful. He was judging my parenting skills. It had happened before so he wasn’t an exception.
Check out
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