Dating apps can be so toxic yet I find it hard to avoid them. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone that I wanted a long-term relationship with on a dating app but I still go on the apps to find dates when I’m lonely. It became so addictive that I decided to delete all dating apps on my phone so that I could have a meaningful relationship.
I knew I had a problem when I would go on dating apps while on a date with a girl I met on a dating app. I wouldn’t even hide it. If I didn’t like the girl that I met, I would take out my phone and start scrolling through dating apps to find another date.
“What are you doing?” She’d ask.
“I’m on Tinder.”
“While we’re on a date?”
“No offence. I’ll pay for the dinner and your Uber.”
I became so cold-hearted and thought that women were just accessories that had to fit my lifestyle. However, I wasn’t always a cold person when it came to love. I was the complete opposite. I was a hopeless romantic who would do anything for the woman I loved until I met Vickie who changed me for the worst.
Vickie was the last serious girlfriend I had. We dated for about three years before breaking up. Our relationship was pretty good for the most part. We got along well and she got along with my friends. To me, she was like my family since all my immediate family members lived abroad. I was very dependent on her for emotional support and in return, I made sure that she never lacked anything.
If she wanted to go on a trip, I took her. If she wanted a new phone, I bought it for her. It was a pretty happy relationship. For our third anniversary, I rented out an Airbnb, had a chef prepare dinner for us and curated a romantic playlist for us. I’ll never forget that day because I had never done anything like that for anyone. However, I thought that Vickie and I would be together forever. Thank God I didn’t propose to her that day.
After celebrating our third anniversary, things started going downhill. My best friend broke up with his girlfriend because she claimed he cheated on her. Then my girlfriend started accusing me of cheating on her as well.
“I know what you and your boys do. You’re all cheaters!” She said.
“I’ve never given you a reason to think that I’m cheating on you.”
“I don’t need a reason. Jane told me that you and Dan go to clubs to hit on other girls.”
“I always video-call you anytime that I go out without you.”
“I don’t care, Liam. You’re a serial cheater and a liar.”
We didn’t break up but we kept arguing about the same thing for months. Things only got worse by the day but I was determined to make it work. I thought that it was simply a bump on the road and Vickie would come to her senses with time. She never did.
Jane kept feeding her lies which made her distrustful towards me and eventually, we broke up. It was a painful breakup and I struggled to cope. However, I promised myself that I wouldn’t get back together with her no matter how much I wanted to. She had thrown away a three-year relationship because of something that she didn’t know whether it was true or not.
The real reason Jane claimed that I was cheating on Vickie was because she was jealous of our relationship and she wanted her friend to break up with me.
I wasn’t ready to deal with the heartbreak so I turned to dating apps to meet someone who would distract me for a while. At first, things looked promising. I met a couple of girls who I dated briefly and managed to keep my mind off Vickie. However, things never lasted very long. I wanted the kind of relationship I had with Vickie which wasn’t realistic since we had dated for three years and knew almost everything about each other.
Still, I was hopeful that I would meet someone who could replace her. That led to my addiction to dating apps. I went on dates every day with different girls. Some ended up going home with me but for some, I wasn’t attracted to them at all to even finish the date.
My friends were concerned for me since they saw me with a different girl every weekend.
“I know it hurts but you need to slow down, brother.” My friend advised me.
“I didn’t do anything wrong to her,” I responded drunkenly.
“Yeah, but sleeping with random girls won’t help you.”
“I just want a girlfriend.”
“Then stop using dating apps.”
“I can’t. I’ve tried but I always go back.”
“You need to try harder. We’re worried about you.”
That conversation snapped me back to reality and I deleted all the dating apps on my phone immediately. I also deleted the contacts of every girl that I had met on the apps. I realized that the reason my relationship with Vickie lasted for three years was because we met the old-fashioned way. So, I was determined to meet a girl in the real world, not on a dating app.
It was harder than I expected, especially since I was used to meeting girls without making a lot of effort on dating apps. However, I was willing to put in the effort to get the reward.
Additionally, I felt a sense of accomplishment when I got a girl’s number in person. I met a few girls at places I frequented but I’m still yet to meet someone I want a long-term relationship with. Nonetheless, meeting people in real life is better than meeting them online.
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