I recently saw a trending topic about wives supporting their husbands when they lose their jobs and I was just laughing at what men have been through on these cold streets. However, the laugh musked a lot of pain. I’ve had my own experience with job loss and marital problems which eventually led to a divorce.
I worked as a banker when I met my wife. My salary was excellent and I had everything I could dream of. She, on the other hand, was just starting her career. Nonetheless, I fell in love with her and vowed to care for her. I showed her how to navigate the corporate world and she quickly climbed the ladder.
At the same time, we started dating and married a few years later. Her family welcomed me with open arms. Her mother even used to call me her son since she didn’t have any sons of her own. I used to support my wife’s family financially more than I did mine. However, my mother had no issue and she was simply happy that I was married.
“You’ve already taken care of me. Just focus on building your family.” My mother said.
As the years went by, we were blessed with two children and my life was thriving. I didn’t think anything could go wrong. However, my world came crumbling down when I got retrenched.
“I lost my job,” I told my wife over the phone while I looked at the email from HR.
“What? How did that happen?” She asked.
Rumours were going around that the bank I worked for was experiencing financial difficulty and they were thinking of cutting the number of employees by half. I wasn’t worried about it since I was one of their best employees so you can imagine my surprise when I got the email that I was getting fired.
That was one of the hardest times of my life and I felt defeated as I went home in the evening. Luckily, my wife had a good job and she could sustain the household. However, I saw her try colours from that day.
“I’ll take care of the bills but you need to help around the house.” She said arrogantly. “You’ll be taking the kids’ lunch and picking them up from school.”
Of course, I protested. This was not only humiliating but just because I wasn’t employed didn’t mean I was an errand boy. I planned on looking for another job and couldn’t commit to picking up the kids every day. However, I helped where I could.
I applied to many financial institutions in the course of a year and got no callback. The more I was out of a job, the more I sunk into depression. I stopped going out and spent most of the day lounging on the couch.
My wife continued to pay all the bills but she never let me forget that she was the one taking care of the household. Even her mother started criticizing everything I did.
“All you know how to do is eat,” she said as I served my dinner.
It went on like this until I couldn’t take it anymore. The stress of being unemployed and dealing with my wife was becoming too much.
“I can’t live like this. She reminds me that I don’t have a job every day.” I vented to one of my close friends.
“You can move in with me if you need somewhere to stay.” He offered.
I had supported this friend when I had a job and now, he had a successful business. He was more than happy to host me to return the favour. I moved in with a friend and asked her for a divorce.
After spending a few months at my friend’s place, I finally landed a job. It was even better than the last one I had and I was able to get back on my feet quickly. In a strange twist of fate, my wife lost her job and was unable to sustain her lifestyle.
She begged to get back together with me but that ship had already sailed. I used to send her some money every month since she had custody of our children but her lifestyle had completely changed. She moved to a one-bedroom house and had to sell a lot of her possessions including her car to pay her debts.
“Please forgive her. She was wrong for treating you the way she did.” Her mother tried to convince me.
“You also treated me badly.”
“She used to tell me how lazy you are which made me despise you but now we see that we were wrong.”
“That’s fine but I can’t get back together with her. I saw her true colours when I was at my lowest point.”
I moved on after we got a divorce and my life has been thriving ever since. However, when I saw the trending topic, I remembered how dehumanizing it can be when your wife has to support you financially. I wouldn’t wish that experience on even my worst enemy.
For anyone encouraging women to support their husbands when they lose their jobs, stop. If you have never lost your job and had to depend on your wife, you shouldn’t tell anyone to support the other.
Most men don’t want to depend on their wives financially either. Just hope that you never lose your job and stay unemployed for a long period because that experience can break you down.
For me, I learnt my lesson and not only will I never get back with my ex-wife but also I don’t think I will ever remarry. I have a good relationship with my kids and I have no interest in having any more. Most importantly, I don’t want to go through the same experience I did when I lost my job. In the famous words of Chris Rock, “Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something”.
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