Why should women have a whole day to celebrate them? What about International Men’s Day? Men are so neglected. We’ve heard these statements said every year during International Women’s Day which only shows that we still have a long way to go for women to be treated with the respect and dignity that they deserve. Luckily, I’ve always had great men in my life who celebrated me on this day but last year, things were a little different. I had been dating a guy who was a walking red flag but it was his take on International Women’s Day that pushed me to end the relationship.
Martin seemed like a decent man at first. At my age, I don’t have time to play around with boys so I was happy when I thought that I had met a real man. He looked and played the part of a grown man really well. He would come to my place with a bag full of groceries and we’d cook together, watch documentaries and talk till we fell asleep. I used to pretend to enjoy the documentaries just so we had something in common. Eventually, I grew to love them.
I kept telling myself that it was the best relationship I ever had and did everything to make it work. Normally, I’m a vocal person and if someone says something I don’t agree with I would instantly call them out. However, I bit my tongue on many occasions with Martin. I noticed a few red flags, especially his thoughts about women, but brushed them off.
“You should be thinking about getting married and having babies soon.” He said.
“Why?”
“Women your age have a challenge getting pregnant.”
He was older than me by almost 10 years and didn’t have children. I wonder why.
“It will happen when the time is right. God’s timing is the best.” I responded calmly even though I was fuming inside.
“God? You still believe in that.” He said then chuckled.
Since I didn’t want to get into an argument with him, I didn’t respond and tried to change the topic.
“What should we watch today?” I asked.
“Anything. Just don’t put those things you women like to watch.”
“Which things?”
“Those trashy reality shows.”
They were trashy, indeed, but the way he phrased it rubbed me off the wrong way. With time, I got to understand him and learnt how to deal with him. Whenever he tried to bait me to argue about petty issues, I would simply ignore him or change the topic. At times, he would go on a rant expressing his thoughts about women’s empowerment for more than an hour.
It was quite clear that Martin was a bit misogynist. However, I thought it was a small price to pay for a dream relationship. I tolerated his opinions until all hell broke loose on International Women’s Day.
“Aww, my brother just sent me a message wishing me a Happy International Women’s Day,” I said, showing him the message.
“So? Do you want a medal for being a woman?”
“I didn’t ask for a medal. It’s just nice to be appreciated.”
“How many years will they appreciate women for simply being women?”
“What’s wrong with being appreciated?”
“The problem is that women have become big headed. Everything is about them. They need to be humbled so they can go back to serving men.”
“Humbled? What do you mean?”
“I mean beating them until they get back in line.” He said aggressively. “You’re lucky because you don’t talk back too much and you cook for me. Otherwise, I’d have taught you how to be a woman.”
I never thought his views on women and International Women’s Day were that extreme. Up to that point, Martin had never shown any kind of aggression. In fact, he seemed like the last person who would lift a finger to anyone.
“You think you can hit me and I’d not fight back.”
“Don’t make me mad because if you do, I’ll slap you.”
“Try it and see if you won’t be in jail by the end of the day.”
He went quiet after I mentioned jail.
“You’re lucky.” He mumbled.
Things were tense for hours so I decided to go and meet a few friends for lunch and to celebrate International Women’s Day. While having lunch, I opened up to them about what had happened earlier and they were speechless.
“What are you still doing with him?” One of them asked.
“Those aren’t just empty threats. That man will get physically violent with you one day.” The other warned me.
I was still hesitant to end the relationship but I promised myself that if he made such threats again I would break up with him. I headed home after lunch and found Martin lying on the couch, deep in thought.
“Did you enjoy being a woman with other women?” He asked sarcastically.
“Yes I did.” I answered even though I knew he was being sarcastic.
“So, have you become more of a woman?”
He kept asking me sarcastic questions about International Women’s Day, trying to get me to react. However, I kept my cool and let me rumble as I always did. His rant revealed a lot about his thoughts on International Women’s Day. He really hated it with a passion. You’d think that something horrible happened to him on that day but no, he was just hateful.
My heart broke every time he mentioned how much he hated the day and that it was the reason women are so full of themselves. Maybe I hadn’t been paying attention to him but he didn’t seem that hateful before.
After what felt like eternity, he finally settled down.
“I can’t stay here tonight.” He said after realizing that he had shown me who he really was.
I didn’t break up with him immediately. I still had hope that he was frustrated that day and that he would apologize for his action. He didn’t. In fact, he made things worse. He started posting misogynistic stuff on his WhatsApp status. I wondered if the people in his life called him out for having such views. However, they probably didn’t and that was why he was so confident saying them in public.
After seeing his posts, I broke up with him immediately. I didn’t even give him time to respond. I simply sent him a message on WhatsApp and then blocked his number.
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