Sometimes, a single Reddit post can expose everything wrong with modern blended family dynamics. This one certainly did.
A mother was being pressured by her husband to pull her kids out of their prestigious private school, not because of anything they did wrong, but because his ex-wife lost her job and could no longer afford the same education for his children. His solution? Make everyone suffer equally.
It’s a story that’s playing out in homes all over, where stepparents overstep boundaries and adults prioritise wounded egos over children’s futures.
Here is the story by: NotADoormatNaomi
AITAH for refusing to change my children’s school for husband after his ex wife lost her high paying job
I am 42f with two children 16f and 12m with my ex dany. I have been married to Greg 44m who had a son 15m and daughter 10f with her ex Lia.
We met at our children’s school. Dany and i jointly fund out children’s private school and they have college funds set by both set of grandparents. He is loaded. My ex and I don’t like each other. But we co parent well and want best for kids. Greg and I have decided that things we buy and treat kids equal at home. But school, college fund won’t be mixed as our ex are involved. As well as gifts from ex partners..
We have had to teach kids the differences about the income when it comes to my ex kids. Kids are nice to each other and share things. Although they definitely love their bio siblings way more.
Greg and his ex jointly fund their children education too. But Lia lost her job recently and has to downgrade. That means they can’t pay for same school. They had to change school. Now he is pressuring me that his kids hate that my children go to bigger international school. And we should change school after summer.
I told him that my kids education can’t be compromised and it was clear to us, that we are responsible for our children’s school as well as college education. We are fighting a lot on this and he is saying I am being too tough.
He is sleeping in other room. But I won’t change anything regarding my children and my ex alone can pay for children education, if I even try to do this and my kids will never forgive me.
I love Greg but this is the hill I will die on. I don’t think he would’ve changed his kids’s schools if this was the case on my side. Even if it means, I have to lose him. I am hurting inside . But I want best for my children.
Edit. I can’t take solo decisions on my children’s education. My ex will drag me to court and mind wash kids against me.
My Take: Greg Needs a Reality Check
After reading this saga, I’m honestly baffled by Greg’s audacity. Let me get this straight: his ex-wife loses her job, and his solution is to punish children who had absolutely nothing to do with that situation? That’s not problem-solving; that’s emotional manipulation disguised as “fairness.”
The Ego Problem Nobody Wants to Address
This isn’t about the kids feeling bad; it’s about Greg’s wounded pride. As evilcj925 pointed out:
“I don’t even really think Greg’s kids are asking for this. I think it is more of Greg’s ego not liking the reminder he can not afford the school anymore.”
Bingo. Greg can’t handle the daily reminder that his family situation has changed while his stepchildren’s hasn’t. So instead of dealing with his own emotions like an adult, he wants to drag everyone down to his level.
Where’s the Personal Responsibility?
Here’s what gets me: If Lia was earning enough to afford international school tuition, where’s her emergency fund? Where are the savings? Mother_Search3350 nailed it when they said:
Greg needs to get over himself and stop thinking that he gets a say on where another man’s children go to school when he isn’t even paying for it.
They aren’t his children, they have a father. Their father pays for their education and not him. Their fathers finances and what he wants to provide for his children are none of his business.
He needs to get a grip and teach himself and his own children to manage their expectations.
They aren’t going to get everything they want in life and there will always be somebody who has more, is better off, is smarter, is more successful than them.
They don’t get to demand that other people do without because they don’t have.
Greg has zero financial investment in his stepchildren’s education and zero legal authority over their schooling. Yet he feels entitled to disrupt their lives because his situation got messy.
The Stepparent Boundary Crisis
This situation perfectly illustrates the biggest mistake stepparents make: confusing love with authority. Yes, Greg loves these kids. Yes, he’s part of their daily life. But love doesn’t give you the right to make decisions that would actively harm the children you claim to care about.
The mother can’t even legally make this decision alone; her ex-husband would rightfully drag her to court. But Greg doesn’t care about legal realities or what’s best for the kids. He cares about his feelings.
Why This “Fairness” Argument is Garbage
Life isn’t fair, and pretending it should be within a blended family is setting everyone up for failure. Some kids have wealthy grandparents. Some have college funds. Some have parents who can afford private school. Teaching children that others should sacrifice their advantages to make them feel better is raising entitled adults.
The real lesson here should be resilience and adaptation, not “everyone else needs to come down to our level.”
The Real Victims
The most heartbreaking part? These kids are being used as pawns in adult drama. A 16-year-old is potentially losing her established friend group and college prep opportunities. A 12-year-old is being ripped from his social circle. All because the adults can’t handle their emotions maturely.
As Naughty_Cutiev shared from personal experience:
Stand your ground on this one. I switched schools three times as a teen because of my parents’ drama, and it messed me up socially. Your kids’ education and stability shouldn’t be compromised just because Lia’s having financial issues.
That’s the reality Greg is willing to create, not just for his kids, but for his stepchildren too.
My Bottom Line
This mother is doing exactly what every parent should do: protecting her children’s best interests, even when it’s uncomfortable for the adults around them. Greg was aware of the financial arrangements when he married into this family. He knew his wife’s ex was involved and wealthy. He knew his stepchildren would have opportunities his biological children might not.
To suddenly demand changes when his situation deteriorates shows he never really accepted the reality of blended family dynamics. Instead of focusing on solutions for his children, payment plans, loans, and finding ways to help his ex-wife, he chose the nuclear option of demanding everyone else sacrifice.
Some hills are worth dying on. Your children’s future is one of them. Greg can either grow up and handle his family’s problems, or he can keep throwing tantrums in the guest room. But those kids, all of them, deserve better than adults who think the solution to their problems is making other children suffer.
The mother said she’d lose her marriage over this if necessary, and honestly? Good for her. That’s what real parenting looks like.
