The last time I was deeply in love was two years ago. I didn’t realize at the moment, but my ex was one of the best men I have ever met. I’ve never met anyone quite like him, and that is the problem. My last relationship was so good that I assumed every man was like Dominic. However, I didn’t appreciate how good my last relationship was until we broke up.
I was hesitant about dating Dominic at first. I thought he was just like every other guy who didn’t want to invest in a relationship. Additionally, I was in the prime of my life with a good job, a solid group of friends, and I didn’t want anything to disturb that flow.
Dominic proved that he was a special kind of man. He was the type of man I needed in my life at that time. He didn’t glorify the high life. For him, making connections and helping others were more important than buying bottles of alcohol in the club and sleeping with different women.
From the moment we met, Dominic was sure about me. He pursued me until I agreed to be his girlfriend.
“Can you believe I have been spending every day at your place?” I asked him jokingly.
“Of course. I knew you would be mine eventually.”
“I’m so happy I gave you a chance.”
I was genuinely happy. I can’t remember any moment when I wasn’t happy with Dominic. Even when we had arguments, he always reminded me that he loved me. I fell in love with him deeply which was something that I didn’t expect. Within a few months, all I could think of was Dominic. I was repulsed by other men.
We dated for nearly two years. We had our whole future planned and he even wanted to meet my family so we could make things official. Little did I know, I was about to experience the biggest plot twist I have ever seen.
An old friend reconnected with me. I didn’t think much of it but I must admit, my heart raced a little bit when I saw his text.
“Hey, lovely lady. It’s been a long time. How have you been?”
I didn’t reply until later in the evening. I thought long and hard about whether I should engage with him and decided to do it.
Sam was not an ordinary friend. He was my ex’s friend. In fact, he was the guy that I was supposed to date, but his friend was quicker and made a move before he could. Nonetheless, we became good friends.
We hadn’t talked since I got into a relationship with Dominic. Sam had a bad habit of hitting on me, so I knew I had to cut him off if I wanted a healthy relationship with Dominic. Since Dominic and I were in love, I didn’t have to worry about Sam flirting with me.
“Hey Sam. I’m so happy to hear from you. I’m doing well. What about you?” I replied.
We talked for an hour and agreed to meet over the weekend. When we met, the attraction was undeniable. Sam couldn’t keep his eyes off me. We had lunch, then went to a club to wind down. Before I realised it, it was past midnight and I was drunk. We went back to Sam’s place and I spent the night with him.
It was the first time I had slept out since Dominic and I started dating. When I woke up the following day, I had tens of missed calls and texts from Dominic. I called him back immediately.
“I’m sorry, babe. I got caught up at a work event.”
“Where did you sleep?”
“At my friend’s place.”
“Can I talk to your friend?”
“I’m already in a cab. I’ll call her when I get home.”
“Okay.”
I found him waiting for me outside our door. He didn’t look happy, but he didn’t question me. He let me sleep the whole day, and when I woke up, he confronted me.
“Where were you?”
It was hard to lie to him while looking at him. I came clean and confessed to everything. Dominic claimed that he had forgiven me, but our relationship wasn’t the same. The love wasn’t there anymore. A few months later, we broke up.
When my ex and I broke up, I thought I would be able to move on quickly. I already had a rebound, but I underestimated how much I was attached to Dominic. I tried to make things work with Sam, but he just didn’t make me feel the way Dominic made me feel.
Making new connections has been the biggest struggle. It’s like the quality of men in Kenya has gone down significantly or maybe my ex set the bar too high. Most people I meet don’t have the qualities that I’m looking for. Even when I try to compromise, I still don’t feel a connection. I can tell that most guys are just after sex and finding love is nearly impossible.
Whenever I see couples in public, I wonder where they found each other and whether they’re really in love or just pretending. I have become so sceptical about love that I think everyone is just pretending to be interested in their partner.
My life went from being blissful to being miserable. I have no one to call my own. I have been sleeping alone for most nights for nearly two years, and I don’t see any hope that things will change any time soon.
One of my biggest regrets in life was cheating on Dominic and taking his love for granted. At this point, I’m not sure whether I’ll ever meet anyone who loves me the way he did. I’m starting to accept the possibility that I might spend the rest of my life alone because I’d rather be alone than spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me the way I want to be loved.
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