An energy vampire is someone who drains you emotionally, sometimes intentionally. They take advantage of the fact that you are willing to listen and will leave you exhausted. Different levels of intimacy won’t deter anyone from becoming an energy vampire. They can be anyone from a spouse to a neighbour. It’s important to know how to identify and avoid energy vampires to avoid emotional distress and anxiety.
Signs of an energy vampire
1. Avoiding responsibility
They are charming, charismatic, and always friendly. They also try to get other people to take responsibility for their mistakes. When you don’t have appropriate boundaries, they can leave you holding the bag and cleaning up their messes. They also use passive language to avoid culpability for things they should directly apologise for.
2. Drama
Energy vampires are always involved in some kind of scandal. They can range in seriousness but they’re often at the centre of all drama. Whenever they get caught up, they come to you to guilt trip you to fix things. They also refuse to acknowledge their role in whatever happened. They will act like victims unfairly burdened with all the drama.
Why Are People Addicted To Drama In Relationships?
3. Comparison games
An energy vampire doesn’t want to let you shine. Whether it’s your moment or not, they will find a way to steal the spotlight from you. For example, if you see an outfit you like, they will notice and tell you something cutting that makes you doubt if it suits you. Afterwards, they will wear it and act like they did nothing wrong. They may also try to gaslight you that you said it would look better on them. They can also sabotage a big moment you’re having by making themselves the centre of attention.
They also bring up their own accomplishments when you mention yours. For instance, if you suggest graduating with your first degree, they feel the need to remind others they have a great job, or husband, or a master’s. They turn everything into a competition and pout if you don’t respond accordingly.
5 Ways To Deal With Comparisonitis (Comparison Syndrome)
4. Martyr complex
Whenever they are faced with the trouble they’ve caused, they act like they’re being crucified. If they have to step up for someone else, they will play up how much they’re sacrificing to help others. They expect you to then lift them up or share the burden, eventually leaving you carrying the load.
6 Things You Should Never Sacrifice For A Relationship
5. They overlook your problems
Whenever you’re the one in need of support, they make you feel worse for being a downer. They also downplay what you’re going through and dismiss your problems. As an energy vampire, their goal is to drain energy from you. If you have none to give, they are starving for attention. They will take any moment you share a problem to pivot it to what they want to talk about.
6. Taking advantage of kindness
Energy vampires know how to look out for kind and decent people. They also know that if you’re less likely to be confrontational, they can get away with more. They will monopolise your attention when you’re in a social setting. Kindness also becomes a currency. For a change, they will do a very difficult favour for you and demand you to repay that kindness, even when it’s extremely inconvenient for you.
7. Ultimatums
While they will often guilt trip you to do what they want, they can also resort to ultimatums. They can make you feel like you will lose their friendship if you don’t do what they’re demanding of you.
8. Co-dependency
Energy vampires ensure all their relationships are codependent. They ensure that every action they do elicits a reaction from you. Every little thing is turned into a way to satisfy their emotional needs. They constantly want validation, expecting you to make needless sacrifices to prove you care about them.
How To Spot And Save Your Relationship From Codependency
9. Bullying and intimidation
Because of their insecurities, they have to ensure they erode any confidence you may have. If they see that you’re happy about anything, they’ll tear you down. However, they won’t completely ruin your self-esteem. They’ll make you rely on them to feel good about yourself.
They will also punish you if you try to stand up for yourself or avoid them. If you end up putting your foot down and refuse to feed them, they make you scared of how they can ruin or damage you. They weaponize your vulnerabilities and make it seem like it would be better if you kept them in your life.
What To Do If You Face Bullying At The Workplace
What to do and how to avoid them
With energy vampires, it may be difficult to learn their true natures until the relationship becomes more intimate. By then, it can feel like it’s too late to get out. However, there are ways to avoid them and ensure you don’t forge relationships with others in the future. You can also think that an energy vampire can be a non-issue if you don’t give them the time of day. For example, if your parent is an energy vampire, you may not be able to fully cut them out of your life. However, continued contact can be bad for your mental health.
Consistently draining emotional energy leads to stress. Studies show that stress can shorten life, reduce physical health, and lead to chronic illness. How Bad Relationships Affect Your Health
1. Establish boundaries
Separate events in your life where energy vampires aren’t allowed to enter. For example, if your father is an energy vampire, don’t let him attend events to do with your family. Don’t go out on solo outings with them. In addition, avoid events where they will be attending. Only engage with them where it’s absolutely unavoidable. If your boss is an energy vampire, try communicating with someone else in the chain of command.
8 Dos And Don’ts Of Working With A Narcissist Boss
2. Manage expectations
Energy vampires are unlikely to change. However, you can change how you feel about them. Don’t expect them to act like they care about you unless it’s calculated. Don’t unburden with them either because they will want you to reciprocate.
Managing expectations in relationships!
3. Come up with excuses
Whenever they ask to see you, find a way to avoid them. This may be harder when you’ve known them for a long time. Use believable reasons like work, illness, or personal problems to keep them away. If you tell them that you’re dealing with something that requires a lot of labour, they will want to come up with an excuse themselves why they can’t help.
4. Cut them off
The most effective way to deal with emotional vampires is to cut them off entirely. You can slowly start avoiding them to eventually go no contact. It’s important to put your emotional health first and ensure you don’t give them a chance to latch on again. Relationships: 6 Ways To Get Over A Friendship Heartbreak
Check out:
8 Friendship Red Flags You Should Watch Out For
15 Types Of Friends We All Have. What Role Do You Play In Your Circle of Friends?
Are You Still Friends Or Is Your Friendship One-Sided? Have You Become A Fan?
