I feel like I am losing it,
That eternal spark connection.
Been chasing dreams,
Like paper bags flying in the wind.
I want it all,
Money, recognition,
I want my work to be remembered,
Even after my bones have turned to dust.
I want them to know my name,
Win literary prizes both home and abroad.
I want it all,
But I feel like I am losing my soul,
Selling you out for things,
That I can’t carry with me,
When I am dead and gone.
I can’t seem to connect with you right now,
Too tired, trying to chase these fragile dreams.
I never want it to be said,
That I sold out,
For the temporary
And lost out on the eternal journey.
I am just a girl,
Trying to be a woman,
The one that you meant me to be.
So why do I feel like,
We are now distant,
I want to chase after you,
But I want those insane dreams too.
I admit I am a Judas,
Sold my soul for a few coins,
Didn’t think I was hurting anybody.
So why do I feel empty,
Where is the happiness I thought I would find,
My pot at the end of the rainbow?
I have realized,
That by fixing my eyes on my dreams,
They stopped being on you.
You gave me this gift,
Yet I use it for others,
Spit in your face.
Save me from myself Lord,
Save me from my ambitions.
Because it is not about me,
It is all about you.
I want to feel alive again,
I want to feel your presence.
I want the joy that I have lost,
Because it is worth more,
Then these paper dreams I chase.
Fill the empty spaces,
Let me be all about you.
Let it never be said that I sold my crown in glory,
For golden thorns in this life.
I want to be sold out,
To you.
