Gerald
Sophia squeezed Gerald’s hand, offering her continued support as they waited for someone to answer the door. He squeezed hers back, then dropped it when the door slid open. These days, he seemed to want only two mutually exclusive things. He wanted to lie in a dark room in silence, holding Sophia, hearing her breath on his chest. He also wanted to be left alone in that dark room, alone with the tight fist that seemed to be perpetually squeezing his heart.
“Karibuni,” his aunt, Aunty Roselyn said, giving each of them a tight hug before letting them walk in.
“Thank you. How is she?” He asked, trying to hide the anxiety darting through his body.
“She is okay. Still fatigued, but at least she’s keeping drinks down.” Aunty Roselyn said. His mother was recovering from her second round of chemo and though he visited at least every other day, every time, his guts were knotted with tension, expecting the worst. He and his sister took turns so one of them visited daily.
He sat by his mom, who was fast asleep. She looked so fragile, it pierced his heart. He took a series of deep breaths, exhaling softly. He took her hand in his, gently caressing the veins, letting her warmth reassure him.
She was going to be okay. God please, he begged, even though he had long stopped believing in the existence of said being. It was in moments like these that he missed the reassurance of believing in a higher power who cared about his well-being.
“Hey, come have some tea,” Sophia said, placing a hand on his shoulder and kneading gently. He leaned into her touch, gave his mom’s hand a tiny squeeze, and then followed her out of the room.
Sophia
“Where’s my dad?” Gerald asked as they sipped the tea and munched on the warm mandazis.
His aunt shrugged. “I do not know. He has not been home the last three days.”
“What?” Gerald asked.
“He sent me money yesterday for groceries and said he’s coming back tomorrow. You men… Hmmh.” She shook her head as she sighed multiple times like even she couldn’t believe them.
Sophia watched the exchange in silence, trying to control her expression. That ‘you men’ was loaded. Loaded. She clocked Gerald’s puzzled expression, obviously fighting what was plain to see.
His mother stirred, waking up, and they both went to sit with her. Eventually, Sophia left them alone and busied herself washing the dishes they’d used. It was as much to be helpful as it was to distract herself.
His aunt joined her just as she was winding up. She took out some onions and bell peppers, prepping them for slicing. Sophia quickly offered to slice them for her, which Aunty Roselyn acquiesced to quickly.
“I’m not even surprised at their father doing this. All men disappear when you fall sick.” She said as she produced more items she wanted Sophia to chop. Carrots and tomatoes materialized next to her.
“These men,” she mumbled, shaking her head, at a loss for what to say.
“He is busy chasing young girls, tricking them with money. That’s what he’s doing now instead of being here. Every day, these men make me glad I never got married.” She went on.
Sophia made the appropriate mmhs and ahhs which was all the aunt needed to keep going. By the time Gerald walked back in and announced his mom had fallen asleep again and they could leave, Sophia had heard enough to fill a book.
They said their goodbyes and slipped into their ordered ride. They rode in silence all the way home, each lost in thought.
Gerald
They did their evening routines, showering and preparing dinner together.
“What did Aunty Roselyn say?” He asked when they sat down to eat. He’d tried to talk himself out of asking a hundred times, but the question was out before he could force it back down again.
She sighed.
“Just tell me.” He said voice firm as he turned to face her.
“Your dad is cheating.”
He shook his head in mute denial.
“She didn’t want to say anything because she didn’t want to pile on to things for you guys or make your mom look bad.”
“So, why is she saying anything now?” He asked, anger evident in his voice.
“She said she’s done covering for him, done helping him keep his secret.” She said slowly and he could tell she was measuring her words, trying not to hurt him, which somehow pissed him off more. He didn’t need to be coddled or whatever it was she thought she was doing. They ate the rest of the meal in silence, and a YouTube video provided background noise.
One Week Later
Sophia
Sophia and Gerald sat on opposite ends of the couch ostensibly catching up on one of their favorite shows. They’d just come back from his mom’s place and she was doing so much better. She was keeping down most of the solid foods she ate and was in high spirits, sitting up and talking to them the entire visit.
“Your mom looked really good today. She’s getting better.” Sophia said trying to get him to talk. They’d been stuck in this weird tense place since the conversation about his father cheating.
“Yeah, she looks good.”
“What’s going on? Is this about your dad? Like, why are you taking this so hard?” Sophia finally asked. “This is like the most normal shit. Nearly every family has to deal with this at some point.”
“My family is not like yours,” he fired back.
She barked out a harsh laugh. “Okay. At least my father is just a cheater and not also the uncle children are not allowed around.”
He reared back like she’d slapped him, his face dropping. He got up and walked out of the room without a word.
She rolled her eyes. Ugh, maybe she’d gone too far, she conceded, but come on. First of all, he was overreacting, men leave their families all the time. Second, he’d taken jabs at her family first. He’d chosen the nuclear option. It was not her fault if her warheads were bigger than his.
Ugh, she had to apologize. He’d told her about his dad in confidence, during a moment of extreme vulnerability and she’d just casually flung it back at him when he was wounded and vulnerable. She saw his face on the day he’d revealed that family secret that had hung over his head his entire life. She saw the balancing tears he was fighting back. The last thing she wanted was to throw his vulnerability back in his face and let him think she didn’t value it. Fear gripped her heart jerking her heart rate. The thought of him not considering her safe to share other vulnerabilities with panicked her. She needed to fix things and refocus them to this new family bombshell he was struggling with.
Gerald
Gerald sat on the side of the bed, mad at himself for escalating things and walking off in a huff.
He heard her walk into the bedroom and turned to find her standing at the door.
“I do not want to go to bed with this hanging over our heads. Can we just iron things out? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
He said nothing in response, ashamed of the fact that she was the one extending the olive branch. He’d wanted to be the one to reach out first.
“This is where you apologize for thinking your family is better than mine and we’re somehow beneath you.”
He turned to her, shaking his head. “I don’t think your family is beneath mine.”
“You do,” she disagreed, “And I’m not quite sure yet what to make of that or what to do about it.”
Fear gripped his heart at the open-endedness of that statement. He walked up to her, and stood close, facing her. “Okay, maybe I thought my family was like less chaotic and troubled…”
“You mean better.” She said, refusing to let him run away from his words.
“Okay, I did think my family was better. I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean I think I’m better than you or you’re beneath me. I swear,” he said, taking her hand in his, pleading with her to believe him.
“Okay,” she said.
It felt far from okay. “I mean it, Sophia. I do not think you are beneath me in any way. I don’t feel better than you in any way. Except in making chicken-fried rice, I’m objectively better than you at that.”
She didn’t smile at that. He cupped her cheek, and she leaned into it. He sighed with relief at the gesture and looked into her eyes. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, not least of all, because it’s evidently false.”
“I shouldn’t have said that either,” she said.
He was so grateful she didn’t say it again. It had been the great shame of his life growing up.
“Okay,” he said, pulling her into a hug. He pulled away and led them to sit on the edge of the bed. “I think I had this idea of what my family was like that was really just a superimposed image of what I wanted it to be and so being forced to face the truth hit me hard. I guess that’s why I’m taking it so hard, to answer your question. It’s definitely not the cheating, it’s the fact that he’d do it now and so flagrantly like he doesn’t care about her even a little bit. I hate. He can cheat if he wants but what the fuck kind of person doesn’t come back for days on end while his wife is dealing with chemo?”
“I think everyone has that, this idea of what they think their family is and at some point, life forces you to face the truth. You can face it and deal with the pain or hide and pretend it’s not happening. At least you’re trying to face it.” She said going for diplomatic. He just knew if she was with her friends it would be men are trash nonstop. He appreciated the kindness.
“I’m doing a piss-poor job of facing and accepting things.” He admitted.
“Yeah, well, it happens to the best of us. Just don’t push me away. I hate this tension, this distance. I want to be here for you as you deal with this and your mom.”
He leaned into her. “No more pulling away.” He said, leaning in to kiss her and then getting up to leave.
“What happened to no more pulling away?” She protested as he went back to the living room.
“I’m switching off the lights so I can cuddle with my partner,” he said as the living room went black.
He walked back to find her on her side of the bed, already tucked in. He smiled, taking off his shirt, so he was just in his boxers as he slid in next to her. She opened her arms to him and he lay on his belly, his head on her chest, her arms around his shoulders.
“I needed this,” he said, peppering kisses on the bridge between her breasts and then laying his head down where her heart was beating, steady.
“Me too,” she said with a contented sigh.
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