The idea of getting married has always excited me. I’ve been fantasizing about that moment for the better part of my adulthood but when I got to the aisle, I couldn’t go through with it. Why? Was my fiancé not good enough? No. Was I having second thoughts? No. I simply didn’t say yes to the man I was supposed to marry. Call it intuition but something stopped me from marrying him that day and I’m happy I did.
Brian and I hardly had any problems in our relationship. I knew we would get married someday. He was my teenage love interest and we grew together throughout the years. Over the years, I saw Brian go from a boy to a man and he saw me go from a girl to a woman. It was such an amazing feeling to grow with him.
It was also easy since we both wanted the same things. We were focused on graduating on time and getting jobs immediately which we managed to do. After graduation, I moved in with him and it was then that he expressed his intentions for marrying me.
“The next thing I want to check off my bucket list is marrying you.” He said while we were on our regular dates.
“I can’t wait for that day. I’ve been dreaming about it for so long.”
“You’ll make a beautiful bride.”
“Thank you, babe. You’ll make a handsome groom.”
I knew in the back of my mind I would end up marrying Brian and never thought I would hesitate even for a second. However, problems started in our relationship when Brian got a female best friend.
Brian wasn’t very social. I was the social butterfly of the relationship so whenever he made a friend, male or female, I was happy about it.
“I have a new workmate.” He said.
“Oh, that’s nice. What’s his name?”
“It’s a lady. She’s called Lena.”
“Great. I hope you get along well.”
“I hope so too.”
They got along very well. Maybe a bit too well. Within a few weeks, Brian couldn’t stop telling me how amazing she was.
“She’s so good at her job and she has a great sense of humour.”
“I should meet this girl. She seems nice.”
“She is. I’ll invite her for lunch one day.”
When he invited her to our place for lunch, I saw their chemistry. They giggled at inside jokes, finished each other’s sentences and even followed each other wherever the other went.
However, I could tell that he wasn’t physically attracted to her. Brian had a type and she wasn’t it.
“You and Lena are really close,” I commented after she left.
“Yeah. I think she’s my best friend.”
I chuckled.
“Am I not your best friend?” I asked.
“Of course you are. By the way, I told her about how I’m planning on marrying you and she asked to be my groomswoman.”
“What? You’ve barely known each other for two months.”
“I know but we get along so well.”
I thought he was joking about making Lena his groomswoman but I came to learn how serious he was.
Brian proposed to me a few months later and we started planning our wedding right away.
“I can’t believe I’ll be marrying you in three months.” He said.
For some reason, I didn’t feel as excited as I thought I would to be getting married. I felt like I was being rushed and I wasn’t sure if I still wanted to marry Brian.
We had been having issues in the relationship and most were about Lena. One of our biggest fights happened after she told Brian that I had left a party with another man.
“She told me that you left with someone else.”
“You already know who I left with. Why is she in my business? She’s too involved in our lives.” I complained.
“She’s just looking out for me.”
“If she cares so much about you, why don’t you marry her?”
“Why would you say that? She just wants the best for us.”
“She better stay in her place or she won’t come to our wedding.”
We had frequent small arguments while planning the wedding. I assumed it was because of the stress of planning such a big event.
“It will stop once you get married.” My mother advised me after I opened up to her about our struggles.
“Do you think he has another woman?”
“Brian? The man adores you. He has been planning on marrying you ever since you were in university.”
“I know, but there’s a new girl at his work. I don’t trust her. Can you believe he wants to make her his groomswoman?”
“What? I didn’t know about that. What’s a groomswoman even?”
“It’s the female version of a groomsman.”
“That’s the type of nonsense I won’t tolerate at this wedding. I want a traditional wedding with traditional practices. Has the church approved it?”
“We haven’t asked yet but I know they will. You know Pastor Sam is Brian’s close friend.”
“I don’t like that. Don’t allow it to happen.”
“I’m trying, mum.”
I protested about Brian having a groomswoman but nothing changed. As the days drew closer, I gave up on trying to change his mind and focused on the event.
The wedding day was perfect. It was sunny. The decor came out exactly as I had planned. Everyone had big smiles on their faces. However, I couldn’t feel any excitement. My mother tried to cheer me up but nothing worked.
As I walked down the aisle looking at Lena standing next to Brian, I realized that I was making a mistake by marrying a man who refused to come to a compromise on one of the most important days of our lives.
“I can’t do this.” I whispered to my mum.
She nodded then turned back and returned to the car. I turned off my phone and we went back home. I cried for hours.
Once I was a bit calmer, I switched my phone on and messages started coming in. I only responded to one from Brian.
“I’m sorry but I couldn’t marry you today. I realized that I’m not your priority. Goodbye.” I wrote then blocked his number.
I picked myself up slowly and after a month I felt a bit better. After three months, I started to feel like myself again only to receive more heart-talking news. Brian was planning on marrying Lena. They got married five months after I called off our wedding.
Even though it broke my heart, I knew I made the right decision to call off the wedding. I’m in no hurry to start dating again. I want to make sure that I’m fully healed and ready to love again.
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